Just when I thought I was over you

It's always a feeling I can't kill inside. There I see you online today. I greeted you with the spirit of Christmas. I thought I would feel ok but I was wrong. I haven't even forget the times that I thought we can be together. I still reserve a special part of my heart for you.

Thinking how my friends are asking me if I already have someone special, the answer is always no. I guess in the back of my mind I still feel we can be together. But I am not really banking on it. Nonetheless, now, I still can say, "Just when I thought I was over you"

To you my first... I still love you after all these times, after all the experiences I had gone through in my life. The questions of what if, what might still lingers in my mind, in my heart. I can't blame the past and destiny for us not being "one" at heart and mind .. I just don't know. I think you're my failure that I will always bear a lifetime, who ever comes my way, I might not give myself up completely because you took a great deal of my heart and it never was the same anymore.

If there's a heart transplant, I wish there's "love" transplant.

THANK YOU

We always ask and we sometimes forget to appreciate or give thanks for every gift or shower of blessing we received.

This week is thanksgiving holiday here in the US. It's deeply rooted as part of their tradition here and history (research internet for Thanksgiving - why and where it started).

In relation to this American holiday, I just want to take this opportunity to say "Thank you for everything!" .

For every little thing that we shared - from the simplest gift of friendship to the most memorable experience of love, heartache, challenges and trials and triumph!

I am grateful for I have live each day with both feet on the ground and embracing the fact that I have good natured people that surrounds me, who inspires me, who muses me, who supports me, who cares for me, who deeply put me in their mind for they treat me like I am part of their lives as well. I am happy thinking about the fact that there's a lot of close friends, special things and relationships that I could be so grateful for in my life. If we all learn to count some good gifts and blessings every now and then, perhaps we'll enjoy living longer.

There's so many other things I'd like to be thankful for right now. The life I had endured, the life I had experienced, the things of good spirit that I will still encounter ahead.

I am just happy to say "THANK YOU!"

Credit: google image keyword - thanksgiving

MADONNATHON: Sweet and Sticky Concert Tour hits South Florida by November 26

A Sweet Experience

To watch a big international concert artist, like no other than, the queen of pop - MADONNA. is one of my todo items in my life. So this will be mark "Completed" soon! A very sweet experience for me indeed!

I am excited to see her in 3 days from now.Her "SWEET and STICKY" concert tour will happen here in South Florida at the Dolphin Stadium. The stadium is said to seat 75000 people.

An icon eversince

I literally grew up knowing and hearing some of Madonna's songs, and her rise to power of celebrity status. The sounds of the material girl herself will endow me in person and perhaps muse me to live full circle in life.

Madonna's life is sweet, sticky & controversial. These words best describe her life and this is basically what most of us other people are also experiencing in life. So Madonna isn't just a celebrity, she is an icon for most people. An image that looks so colorful yet imperfected with some sticky,sloppy factors. A reminder for most of us that hers is not a perfect life.

Ticket mania!

As early as June, I was able to secure my "Club" level ticket which is relatively giving me a good view of her to the stage.

This November 26, 2008, I am excited to see her in person, listen to her set list which will consist of 23 songs from her early years to present. It is truly a once in a lifetime experience.

Credits to Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_&_Sweet_Tour

Food Trip Series: On a night like this

AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!!!

So I tried posting this earlier but for some reason it was not save.

But I figure I have to write about this. It's seldom I get to blog about what seem to be a shallow topic but special.

About the story...

So it was Monday night when I drove to the nearest Sedano Supermarket here in my area. For the benefit of my other readers, if you're onshore here in the US, one activity you can do is go for a quick trip in the grocery store and it's really therapeutic but stressful for the pocket. Sarap mag-ikot sa grocery, mamili ng pagkain or any interesting finds 'ika nga.

I went to the grocery to buy canned pineaple for my "Chicken Pinya" but then again I was feeling different. I was actually feeling good to cut to the chase! I felt amuse and decided I wanted to eat two of my favorites - fruit salad and macaroni salad.

Preparing these two dish brought some relief and brought back some memories -

Macaroni ala Florida -

Every New Year our family will always prepare some food to welcome an abundant year ahead. My dad's favorite is Chicken Macaroni Salad. I will miss preparing this in Manila in welcoming 2009. But then again to make up for that, I had the itch to do it now. Simmered with love, good memories of welcoming a new year I prepared this wonderful and classical macaroni recipe. I think every Filipino family likes macaroni as part of their usual medya noche feast.

Classic Fruitty Fruit Salad -

On the same night, aside from the macaroni recipe, I tossed and whipped some cream and condensed milk. I ended up mixing it with a can of fruit cocktail. I recall preparing this dessert every Christmas or any other special occassion in my family. I used to do this with my nanay when she was alive. Both of us love sweet tasting desserts. Mana-mana daw! Sana lang di ko manahin diabetes nya hahaha

Regardless of the fact that my mom doesn't live anymore, I still continue to prepare fruit salad for every occassion. Sometimes I just cook it up even for a simple night or day, just to satisfy my cravings and make me feel comfortable.

Panaginip Kita: Series # 2 - Dream prophecy?

Nakita ko ang mga kaibigan ko sa isang panaginip isang linggo na nakakaraan. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng oras isulat ito. At dahil kahit paano parang isang mahiwagang pagtanaw sa kinabukasan ang panaginip na iyon, hanggang ngayon ay sariwa pa sa aking isipan ang mga nakita ko.

Sa isang pagkakataong hinde ko alam kung ilang taon mula ngayon ay nagkaroon kami ng maliit na pagsasalo-salo. Yun ang pinakatema ng panaginip.

Kung iisipin ko, nabuo ang grupo mga ilang apat na taon na nakaraan and it's really growing as the years go. Sa lahat ng nangyari at mga nangyayari pa masasabi kong walang ibang samahan ang mahalaga sa akin kundi sila lang. I guess for what it's worth, sila ang mga naging kasama ko sa halos mahigit 4 na taon and along with that they witnessed and we witnessed each other's lives.

PANAGINIP KO KAYO!

Sa isang bahay nagsimula ang pangitain ko. I think sa bahay ni Enzo naganap ang muling pagkikita namin. Sa panaginip nandun ako, si Enzo, si JM, Aries at parating daw si Phil at Jerome. Kwentuhan lang kami habang inaabangan ang dalawa. Catching up ang tema.

Weird sa panaginip ay di pa din close si Aries at JM after all those years. Pero civil sila.

Sa panaginip ay pinagkwentuhan namin ang mga bago at update sa isa't isa. Si Enzo ay abala sa pagmanage ng negosyo na iniwan ng mama nya. Naka graduate na siya pero ang karera nya ay di pokus sa natapos nyang kurso. Wala pa siyang partner sa panaginip ko. Pero maraming dene-date.

Si JM ay andun pa din sa dati nyang trabaho. Pero di siya makwento sa panaginip ko. Tsika lang ang style nya. Parang walang interes kung di makinig lang at makipagtawanan. One thing is that hinde nya nababanggit si JC so baka di na sila ilang taon mula ngayon.

Si Aries ay galing Australia sa mga panahon na yon. Wala si Raul sa eksena pero sila pa din sa tema ng panaginip ko. At kahit pano sa tagal na nya sa Australia, parang bigtime na sya. Actually busy pa siya sa panaginip kasi naman magkakasama na kami nagtratrabaho pa, Workaholic.

Habang nagkwekwentuhan daw kami ay naging topic namin sila Phil at Jerome. Si Phil ay nasa SG pa din. No mention kung sila pa din ng sweetie nya. Pero parang hinde na. Si Jerome ay single pa din daw. Workaholic din pero happy naman. Di pa din siya lumalabas sa family nya.

Wala si Excel sa reunion nasa SG pa din. Ang ibang miyembro ng FAB 4 ko ay wala din sa eksena ng panaginip pero napag-usapan namin ni JM and so base sa kwentuhan malaki na anak ni Shindie at si Pinky ay single pa din.

Si Jay ay wala sa Pilipinas, natuloy na ata sa abroad plans nya. Si Pilar ay bihira ko mabalitaan base sa panaginip ko pero oks naman sya. Si Docker nakapag-asawa na daw ng mayamang matandang madaling mamatay.

Si Kiko at PJ ay going strong, di sila nakapunta sa reunion kasi nasa abroad na sila. Pero nagkita daw kami bago ako umuwi sa Pinas. So ibig sabihin, sa panaginip ay galing din ako sa abroad. It wasn't clear kung galing ako sa US, Canada, or somewhere else.

Ako? Ano prophecy ko sa sarili ko? Syempre ayon single pa din. La na daw akong nakitang matino after ng mga ilang seryosong relasyon ko. Also, maayos naman ako sa panaginip ko, malusog, buhay pa, mukhang matino ang trabaho at simply taking each day at a time. Sa panaginip, di ko pa din sine-share sa kanila ang ilang updates sa akin. Pero oks naman ako.

Ilang points sa panaginip nakita ko pa ang ilang secondary member ng circle of friends ko. Actually nagulat ako to see them but we were all civil to meet and greet. Sila Jun, Archie, Franz were prominent. They were all surprise to see me kasi matagal na kaming di nagkikita. So it's kind of weird pero good weird.

Lumabas sandali si Enzo to buy stuff for the party. Si Aries nasa taas ng house ni Enzo nagwowork sandali while waiting for others to join. Si JM nasa sofa nanunuod ng tv. So ako lumabas din muna sa neighborhood. Ayun maganda yung place pero di ko alam kung saan yung neighborhood na yon na nakita ko sa panaginip ko. Am thinking now if it is the Nuvali community that I bought, or it's really the house of Enzo.

Talking about dream prophecy ha. What you think?

Live life, love it and be in love with it

I was watching TV the other morning and I heard one of the guest in Today's Show mentioned, "You have to be in love with life."

That utterance, struck me to a fold! It was one of the most meaningful quote I heard. I was able to say to myself that it is indeed true that you can just continue to live life but if you don't know the essence of life then it's probably meaningless.

I just thought that we need fire, passion to live. I realized that no matter how difficult these things are, I need not be weary and tired. I should love life, be in love with life like the way I had been in love a couple of times to some people that came into my life. In essense, you have to be passionate in life. It helps to make you whole and face life differently.

Sometimes when we are faced with challenges, we tend to forget about how to live. Also, we forget about life is good, life is beautiful. As I heard those words from the mouth of the person on the TV, I just actualized that I have been consumed with so much worries lately and I am forgetting to live like it's my last day in this world. I should come back soon to normal state!

P.S. I love you

Today, as I end another weekend, I got hooked up by watching DVD. I just finished watching the movie P.S. I love you which starred Hillary Swank and Gerard Butler. It was one of the movies I never had a chance to see in the big screen. I'm glad I rented one dvd copy at Blockbuster and spent time watching it.

It is a movie about love, life and the complexities that goes with it. It was sweet, warm and exciting at some point. It made me a bit reflective about things going on in my mind. It made me feel sad about the way Gerry, the lead male character died and all the while left his wife Holly alone. It was a good plot and a good story to stir all throughout the movie. It's about letting go and finding your own self after you have come to face death and its complexities.

There were things that run in my mind as I watched that movie. These things are:

- what if I die in the next 5-20 years, will I be celebrated?

- will I still find someone in my life that I can truly say my partner and friend

- how come I have never came across a certain situation with someone that I can say "This is the moment"

- if I get sick, will there be somebody to care of me 'til the end

- perhaps if I knew I'll die, I can prepare something like what the male lead character did before he died in that movie - he prepared some more surprises for his wife! that's really sweet! In my case, I guess I'll do the same for my friends and family.

If you're reading this, and you haven't watched that film that I just mentioned here. Then don't waste time and grab a copy. It will melt your heart, touch your soul and inspire you to like life, live life and depart and move on and let go.

P.S. I love you

On excitement, worries and moments - ALL SET!!!

These past few weeks had been equally colorful for me. I have been mostly busy with the editing of the videos that I prepared for my dad's birthday bash. YES! You are right. We, in the family, organized an event for him under my OCOC supervision and string Project Management skills. I think my Aunt Meynee is already pressured with all the instructions that I have been emailing her. Anyways, I am JUST EXCITED that finally now we are gonna execute our plan. As I write this, it's OCT 11 in Manila - this is the date that we chose to hold the event for my tatay. Over 80 invited guests - family, relatives, friends and my dad's former office mates in one event. I am a bit sad that I am far and away however I am also happy because this is IT. This is his moment that I pictured once that will happen for him. I MADE IT HAPPEN amids all the concerns that I have been experiencing lately. Bottomline, I thank God for letting me do this for my tatay. The excitement is mounting knowing that on the other side of the world there's a bunch of family friends and relatives now that are all moving together in one venue to celebrate and pay tribute to my dad.

IT'S MY MONEY. IT'S WHAT I WANT.

"Money is evil dressed in the smell of gold. It is evil inspired as much as it was a blessing from heaven."

I am not from a rich family, not even from a well to do clan. My mom and dad used to tell me to be diligent in all my works and undertakings so that I can achieve much and earn enough to gain all the success, material things and blessings that I have now. It's not easy to work hard and at the end of the day just let the fruit of your labor just be put to pay bills, utilities and only a few to savings. Anyways, I am thankful I earn enough and that's something to keep me sustained together with my dad. It's just enough for myself and my dad. There are times when I can extend some for those who need assistance. BUT IF I DO THAT, sometimes the people in my surrounding thinks am a money machine. WELL now I AM TELLING YOU I AM NOT. I am just like anybody else who works hard and earn the money. In fact, I am a slave in the corporate world. NOW YOU TELL ME, IS THAT THE MAKING OF A MONEY MACHINE. NO!

Of all the blessings and evil that came by in my life, money is perhaps the most prominent, significant item. I just can't deduce the fact that while I am pretty much blessed and perhaps earning enough for myself and my dad right now, some people would think I AM SO RICH! The fact of life is, I AM NOT. I am still working my ass up just to live and sustain all these things I am enjoying. AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT, IF I ENJOY MY EARNINGS. I DESERVE IT, TOGETHER WITH SOME EXTRAVAGANCE I WANT TO SHOWER MY DAD AND MYSELF. I THANK GOD ALWAYS FOR GIVING ME LIFE, MAKING ME DO THE THINGS I DID AND THE BLESSINGS HE SHOWERED ON ME.

Nonetheless, like life is wheel, money is never enough. TRUE! Even the richest person in the world would agree to this. I am in need of more money right now. These are the days when some crossroads are being faced by anyone. Just as I am facing something right now, a bigger crossroad that no one could possibly ever imagine. To alleviate an impending disaster, I am thinking I need to secure all the money I can get. IT MAY SOUND SO OVERRATED BUT I AM NOT SAYING THIS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SAYING IT. I would be prudent that nowadays, apart from all my plans, I get so vigilant to obtain any receivable that I am expecting from my landlords, friends, and even relatives. I would look like I am so greedy just by writing all these lines right now about my dire need to obtain all the money wealth I can get! WELL, I don't care about what you think bitch and dog! The fact of life is, I am in need of money. FOR THE REASONS I AM ONLY IN THE CAPACITY TO KNOW and UNDERSTAND.

Just tonight, in the comfort of my house, I contacted my exlandlord to give me my apartment deposit,which is considerably a big amount. It's an amount enough to cover some other expenses so that I wouldn't have to worry too much. TO MY DISMAY, I didn't get any response from her up to this point! I just can't fathom the idea. I just can't understand why does it seem she's ignoring me. IS IT TOO MUCH TO REPLY TO MY TEXT! FUCKING SHET! IT'S MY MONEY THAT I AM TRYING TO GET! WHY CAN'T SHE INFORM ME AT LEAST OF THE STATUS. I HATE SUCH DISPLAY OF NOT SEEMING TO CARE AT ALL. Some of you will say, "It's only money!".. Well honey it ain't money til you have it in your pocket! And if you have more pressing reason in your life, you would think I am not so fucking asshole at all at this point.

I am extra sensitive about money matters because it's not like the first time when I experience some discomfort for not getting what is owed to me because of money. There was a time when my mom lent her money to my uncle until both of them died already and they never get to settle the credits. Now it's like a big crack in our family (at least from my end to the family of my uncle). That money could have been helpful to us if it was returned to us. Anyways, it's like water down the drain! IT'S AN AMPLE SUM OF MONEY WHICH I DON'T ANYONE CAN JUST SHOVE OFF. In fairness to my Uncle's family, they were quite in a hard time then so my mom can't really force them to pay. And as they say blood is thicker than marinara sauce. NOW, it's my generation, our generation, my cousin and I who should settle. But then, I don't think she and her brother is in the right set of mind to at least pay us back. I CAN SEE SHE'S DOING WELL NOW. That's really good, so isn't it automatic if you're doing well at least be sensitive to pay back, reach out and let us know if you still plan to pay your dad's debt. Which by the way my mom was so kind to understand after all those years we never really pressure your ends to pay.

In my own dealings, I've been trustful and kind enough to provide some close friends some assistance and even other relatives. I am generous, understanding to a point when it comes to money. Although I realize that my mom and I does seem to share same destiny when we lend money to others, I just can't seem to really think of the bad thing. But then, TO MY OWN DISCOMFORT, IT IS I STILL WHO WOULD BE BEGGING THEM (those who owe me money) TO GIVE IT BACK TO ME. While I understand their reasons, DO THEY REALIZE I ALSO HAVE MY REASONS?! TO MY HEARTACHE, I WOULD BE MARKED AS THE BAD GUY IF I DON'T SEEM TO EXTEND MY UNDERSTANDING. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THIS WORLD?!

Back to my exlandlord,I just wish she settles with me. I need the details and I need it now damn shet! Oh well, I try to keep my cool. I just had to vent now 'cause I'd been following up with her for a month already. Aside from that, there are other finances I need to settle and am waiting to balance my spreadsheet. For some friends that I am also sending their statements to me, you would understand. I am not just saying all these to create a sensation. It's seldom that I burst out and tell the world of everything!

NOW! You tell me. Why shouldn't I feel bad about not getting my money! It's my money! It's for me. Aside from the fact that I have financial obligations to fulfill, there's a lot of reason right now that I NEED EVERY RECEIVABLE THAT I CAN GET! Read my mind from these, you'll know what and how big of a trouble I am facing right now.

Now, you tell me. Should I calm down!? NO WAY! As much as I am trying to be rational about it. Sorry. I HAVE MY REASONS!

Panaginip Kita: Series #1 - 09232008

i dreamed of you last night. i was somewhere , i can't recall if i am in bulacan. may pupuntahan daw ako pero i cant seem to find my way. and then i came upon a house, a house not familiar to me but i am drawn to it. then suddenly came out you! yeah you! it was your house, your parents house. you invited me in.. you welcomed me and introduced me to you dad and mom. they were very accommodating.
but i wasnt sure if you're out to them already so i just pretended to be a regular guy. we ate and we talked over the dining table. and then you said that there's a party at your house later that day. i forgot whether its a birthday or what.. but still you invited me...there are other vague series along that scene..

to continue..i saw myself enjoy enjoy sa party... naglibot libot daw ako sa party.. etc etc.. nag iba ang setting ng dream ko pero andun ka pA DIN .. MEdyo nagin telefantasya ata sya.. all of a sudden parang may bundok, adventure etc.. may sinuot daw akong singsing .. singsing parang may powers or something.. inilagay ko sya sa palasingsingan kong daliri. humigpit ng humigpit yung singsing hanggang sa sobrang higpit nya ay parang ni-pop nya ang KUKO ko.. natanggal yung KUKO ko. (masakit ba kamo?).. pero for some reason i was shocked that i did not feel any pain. and in second i saw that My fingernails grew back again. ganon lang.. tapos i think you mentioned something like everything will be ok.. or something.. i think in that note you knew that something is wrong with me or you were just delighted that it was like symbolic. btw, andun din mga cousin ko sa eksena. and some other familiar faces i can't recall who..

after noong eksena na yon.. sobrang linaw pa din, nagising na ako..7 AM na pala.

nagmuni muni ako.. sabi ko eemail kita about this dream.. your visit in my dream.. or something more to this dream i need to really take note of..

by the way, i dreamt weeks ago.. yet another friend of mine in my dream .. telling me that I need not worry for it will be beautiful in that place (she was referring to heaven) .. she said that I should not worry if I am gonna die..it will be good and all my worries will be gone.. I SUDDENLY WAKE UP ON THAT INSTANCE.. but it was also a vivid thought ..

HOW WEIRD THESE DREAMS ARE..

So i decided to keep a track of some dreams I've been having.. I wanted to see if there's a pattern.

Panaginip kita..

Of weekend, lazing out, pinoy food, barnes and birthday planning

So this weekend was perhaps the most lazy weekend since I came here in Florida. Instead of going to the safari trip with office friends, I was so lazy to join so I just stayed home. A Saturday of just googling, browsing pinoychannel tv, eating, pig outing, laundry sorting, meeting adam etc etc .. All these laze out made my back ache.. a day of seating all day, lounging all day for all the nonsensible things. I just love it.

So this weekend was about thinking if I should go out to go bar hopping. But I just opted to drive around the FLL night street on a Friday then settle myself with a drive thru dunkin donuts coffee for as early as 5 AM of Saturday. After that, head home and sleep all throughout Saturday.

So this weekend was about going to the gym on a Saturday night, trying to lift some weights and lose some guts. It's a night to feel good about myself. A night to shoot some photos in the dark. A night to go back to my loungty and comfy Ikea chair and look at the boob tube while enjoying an uploaded For the First Time movie copy at Pinoychannel tv.

Lastly, this Sunday weekend was perhaps the summit of my lazy weekend. It gave me a headache. It made me useless the wholeday. Except for a lunch trip with office friends at Amay's Carinderia and Catering in Johnson St., I practically slept all day due to my headache. As I write now, I am cooking ginataang Tilapia, smells good, tastes even better. Have some!

So this weekend is the laziest weekend, all just in the comfy of my small abode. All the lazing out, the pinoy food I have here, birthday planning on the side all these weekend. Still such lazy feeling. I am just letting this flow for now. I don't intend this to eat my whole humanity and totality. I just hope this goes away asap. I don't really like to be lazy. It's like next to nothingness at all.

Post Script:

Barnes - when you're lazing out. Go to Barnes, they have books, you can read while sipping coffee or munching cakes at Starbucks. It's practically a comfy place to laze out while people watching, I mean watching the people, either cute, beautiful, sexy, handsome, hunky they go to Barnes and it's such a treat.. at least just for me.

Sleepless

I can't sleep these days.

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If the mind is so complex and filled with information, then these is how a segment of my thought had been experiencing. A lot of information seated in my mind right now, so much content inside, whether relevant or not. It is full of complexities, concerns and enigmas that I can't seem to just shrug off. It's now resulting into some sleepless nights. I need some relief.

!@$V^V btttb bbbttrrrr brrrrr ssssshhhhh

I am no fan of hospitals or clinic at all!

So here it goes, I went on to have my doctor's appointment later today. I left the office after seeking permission or informing my associates that I have to go to the doctor today.

I am early and was literally on time. I registered at the counter. I sat by the waiting area. I read some of the magazines. At some point, I even had to dial in to one my meeting while I am waiting for my turn at the doctor's table. In the course of my waiting time, I got so pissed off and disappointed 'cause I have been waiting for over an hour already.

My turn came, I got called by the nurse. She was polite enough and cheerful mood so at least my irritation on the situation was lowered at some point. We proceeded with the routine vital sign check up etc. After that, she asked me to wait for the doctor. This time, literally I am inside a small room inside the clinic, where I am asked to wait for the doctor.

In that small room, where I am seating and waiting, I felt some discomfort and stress! I waited there for another 30 minutes. So my dissatisfaction got so high, I had to go out of the room and ask the receptionist where the FUCKING DOCTOR IS! They were polite enough, but rather COLD BITCHES I would say. I asked them to tell me how long I would have to wait for the doctor since I have been there for over an hour already. On that moment, I felt like what is the use of setting an appointment when you still get delay in getting the attention.

Finally, the old doctor came in. He was apologetic for his delay. He had so many patients to deal with prior to me, that's he's excuse. I told him in a jokingly manner but seemingly disgusted way, "I THOUGHT I HAD TO JUST RESCHEDULE. FOR I HAVE BEEN IN HERE FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW. YOU BETTER TELL ME SOME GOOD NEWS.!"

To cut it short, after long time of waiting. I totally wasted two hours of my time this afternoon. It turns out that my other tests were not yet in. So I said, why did your staff gave me a call to set an appointment today when all you have for me is incomplete information!

Poor doctor, 'cause I am no longer tolerant about the inefficiency. Add to that, the stress level I incurred by waiting in that small gloomy room. Imagine my stress thinking of some morbid thoughts, how sad it was inside that room, all white painted room, not so lively room and seemingly lifeless room. It reminded me of my mom when she was hospitalized years back and died. It reminded me of my friend who just got hospitalized recently. It reminded me of the things, all the sad things of why people go to clinics, hospitals or patient care sections. Even if this is just a simple check up, it does matter for me. Even if it's just a simple doctor visit, it was such a big deal 'cause sometimes doctor visits can either be a good news or a bad news. So imagine, the added stress of waiting that long only to be told I will still have to wait, do this check up again etc etc etc

Timeless

I have not been counting the time lately. At least, maybe not consciously tracking it. I don't want to be tied up by thinking that I only have so much time to do everything.

My work does entail me to plan and manage solutions and deliverables. In relation to that, in essence time is important. It is probably the aspect of my life right now that I try to keep and sustain. After all, being on time, doing things on time, tracking everything to be as planned is where I earn my bread and butter.

On the other hand, I would love it if I can just live without counting my days and enjoy life and stay young, livelier, better. I guess that's how life should be, timeless.

Beaches and my feeling of serenity

For the past few weeks here in sunny South Florida, I've found myself practically drawn to the sea. There is something in the waves, in the sand, in the water and the sound of it that made me feel serene and calm.

Since South Florida has a lot of beaches to choose from I've managed to visit a few of them for some simple breeze walking along the shore, meditation on the fine sand, soaking of my feet in the salt water. I love the sea, the water, the gust of the wind blowing, the sound of the waves battering the air waves.

I look beyond to the point where my eyes can just glance and my mind to think of my worries. The sea, the vast water is dissolving all the worries, it's keeping me sane, grounded and inspired. The sea while it's meeting the sandy beaches of South Florida is bringing me a lot of energy nowadays.

I wish, like the water I can endure and crash every trials and concerns I have right now. :-/

JT is forever

REPOSTING HERE - My profile headliner last August 2008

JT is forever,
I'm all thy need to please you,
I can stimulate and tease you,
I won't leave in the night,
You’ve no fear that I might desert you,

JT is forever,
Approach me and then get to know me,
Touch me, stroke me and maybe undress me
You can see every part,
Nothing hides in the heart only pure intention.

You do need love;
A lot of good love will do you!
JT never lies to you,
For when there’s JT love, I'll luster on further.

JT is forever,
Sparkling round your aura.
Unlike other men (or women),
JT lingers;
Other men are mere mortals;
Who are not worth going to your grave for.

You do need love;
For love will do you good!
JT never lies to you,
For when I am gone,
No other lives will ever go on.

JT is forever, forever, forever.
JT is forever, forever, forever.
Forever and ever.

Gentlemen Series - Clubbing mode

APPRECIATE ME

Gentlemen Series: Jake Gyllenhaal ready to be worshipped

So it's another G-series. Not sure how much of you love the boyish Jake from Brokeback Mountain.

Right now, the boy is a man! He's so buff you wouldn't really expect that his rugged, rough look for his new role in Prince of Persia would literally take your briefs and panties off with their garters. This movie is expected to come rolling soon.

Thanks to JustJared.com for the pics. See more of this OHHH! Jake stuff from there. I wonder if that bulge is for real! And I wonder how much of JAKE is REESE feeling every night or every day. HEHE

Definitely Reese is winner in bed nowadays! Lucky bitch!

Is this Nekkid Fun?

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SERYENG TAGALOG: Teksmeyt

Kagabi bago ako matulog ay nagmuni muni lang ako sa pagbura ng mga mensahe sa inbox ng Smart Roaming cellphone ko. Nakakatuwang isipin at balikan ang mga mensahe natanggap ko kung kani-kanino mula sa Pinas.

Mayrong isang mensahe na nagsasabing nanalo daw ako ng malakeng halaga ng salapi at kelangan ko silang tawagan. Napag-usapan ang scam sa teks! Grabe talaga. Pano kaya nila nakukuha ang numero ng mga tao? Sana nga totoong nanalo na ako ng malakeng halaga para mabayaran ko mga pagkakautang ko at maipundar ko pa ang mga bagay na gusto kong makuha sa buhay ko. Sabi nga sa palabas na "IISA PA LAMANG" - "Kakaibang kapangyarihan ang naibibigay ng salapi." Totoo naman talaga..yun na!

Mayroon pang isang mensahe mula naman sa Smart na naniningil ng bill ko. Lech sila sa loob loob ko maghintay sila sa bayad ko! Ayon.. kaya binura ko na yung teks nila. Wala naman akong malaking pangangailangan sa kanila sa puntong ito sapagkat may gamit din akong cellphone dito sa Merika at may landlayn pa akong ipinakabit so dami ng gastos sa mga utilities.

Karamihan naman sa mensahe na andun sa cellphone ko ay mula sa mga taong nakasalamuha ko sa Pilipinas sa nakaraang 9 na buwan. Lahat ng iyon ay mga masasabi kong kakilala, kasama at kalaro sa mga pagkakataong ako’y nag-iisa. Ang iba dun mga ka-date, mga kaulayaw na seryoso at hinde, mga ka-meet up na eventually naging friend friend na din. Naisip ko lang dahil sa layo kong ito, marahil nga ay nagmarka ako sa kanila at na-impress ko sila sa aking pagkatao para maalala pa din nila ako. Umalis kasi ako ng di naman ako nagpapaalam sa karamihan sa kanila. Hinde ko naramdaman ang pangangailangan na ipaalam ko sa kanila kung saan ako pupunta. Ngayon, di ko na sila sinasagot sa teks kasi mahal ang sumagot sa kanila. Yung iba sinasagot ko minsan, lalo yung matino. At ilan halos sa kanila talaga namang hinde ko masasabing naging ka-close ko. Lahat ng iyon ay bahagi ng buhay ko.

Sa dami ng naipong mensahe halos 1 oras din ako nagbubura. Kung sa kabilang banda ay maraming mensahe na tila walang kabuluhan, mayroon din naman mga mensahe doon na aking natanggap. Ang ilan ay totoong bumabati sa aking nakaraang kaarawan nung Hunyo. Ang ilan ay simpleng pangungumusta at pag aalala sa akin. Ang iba naman ay mga nakakatawang teks dyok! Ang ilan pa dun sa mensahe ay may edad nang higit sa 2 taong naka-imbak sa inbox ko. Kaya naka-imbak ng matagal sa phone ko ay may kabuluhan kasi para sa akin ang mga tinuran kong mensahe. Sa madaling salita ay may “sentimental value” ang taong nagsend sa akin ng mensahe na yon.

Habang nakahiga ako ay naisip ko kung gaano naging iba-iba ang mga grupo ng kakilala ko mula sa mga seryoso, maaasahang kaibigan, mahal sa buhay hanggang sa pinakawalang kwentang kontak. Isa lang ang pinatunayan sa akin ng mga mensaheng iyon, kahit walang kwenta at sobrang simple lang ng mensahe ugali ko talagang itago muna ang isang bagay, maging mensahe, bagay, or kahit anong nakakapagpaalala sa akin ng isang sitwasyon. Minsan nakakatuwang balikan, minsan may kurot sa damdamin, may halong lungkot at kasiyahan.

Isa sa pinakahuling teks na nakuha ko ay mula sa isang mahal na kaibigan na nagbigay buhay sa isang sanggol kamakailan. Isang magandang balita para sa akin. Sa wakas, isa sa mga kaibigan ko ay isang ganap ng ina. Nakikisaya ako sa kanya.

Ikaw? Anong balita sa iyo teksmeyt!?