Today's lesson

Some lessons or realizations i learned a few hours ago about being in a homosexual relationship. 

1. You either don't have a say about his or her acts ot decision. Plain simple insensitive stubborness...

2. You're not married so you don't get to officially decide for the welfare of each other. The promises you said or committment for each other is simply not as solidified by union of marriage. Asa ka pa!

3. You're still nobody , you're not even blood related so he/she can dismiss your suggestions, opinions, inputs or rants. That's as far as he/she can make you feel if he/she doesn't want to acknowledge your presence.

4. You're probably just into the relationship when he/she thinks it's okay &  that there's always who would understand and be more calm. In this case, maybe call the other person  "walang pakialam" for apparently missing the essence of partnership and even friendship that is to CARE for one or feel CARED about.

5. Each is still  his or her own person & with excuse #2 in line, you cannot push your agenda even if it is for your partner's sake. You may just become the KONTRABIDA to his face if you will push it. So what u can do is just zip you mouth! 

6. "Bakla ako eh!" Maybe true that being gay could be an excuse. But it's rather a Bull excuse to not see that some good intentions are meant not just for the partnership but for the supposed recipient of the intent. It's not being gay that made you as a person who cares, it's being human and it's also human to feel bad when your partner seems to not acknowledge your good intent.

It's just sad that many gay men perhaps will experience the same scenario and they won't find a way to get out of it. 

It may take a one great deal of miracle or big fall perhaps to make someone realize that to be in a relationship with someone gay or not, is bred with  mutual respect and we just have to remind ourselves that we do it coming from a best place within our heart. Sad to say such spirit isn't always noticed as it's clouded by closemindedness.

Hospital arrest!!!

Getting sick and to be hospitalized is something that I don't really wish to happen to me.

But there comes a time when things don't go our way, we succumb to stress, contract unwanted elements and eventually be run down!

I am writing this on the bed of my hospital room, spending my time here, recovering. I was sick On & Off for few days before I decided to submit myself to hospital care! I did not want to because I am thinking of so many responsibilities but I realize my health is very important.

This is the first time that I was hospitalized . Aside from thinking about what I am missing at work, there were lots of thoughts inside me that I am thinking about while in hospital confinement; like what will happen to me, who will take care of me, who will cover for me at work, what about my pending house move etcetera!!! In all these, I told myself to just let go for now and things will fall into their proper places. Add to that, I am blessed that my partner was helpful in my time of need and emergency. Some family members rushed to the hospital immediately upon notification while some friends came as well and some sent their get well messages (some were non reactive even when notified, oh well).

On the side:

One funny but I felt offensive tone/remark that I got was a question from an old friend who asked ,"Baka HIV yan?" I knew it was a joke so I amusingly said to him, "Baka nga, at kung totoo lagot ka at nagdilang anghel ka!"

However, I also felt that it's not funny to be joked around with why I'm in the hospital. I told him that I do not like the connotation just because I'm gay I am easily attributed to HIV. I am not specifically the victim of such connotation but all gay people so this led me to give a short but biting lecture of what HIV is and who it can affect (it's not just for gay people my friend)!

My point is, no one should even try to think and say a person may have HIV by virtue of his/her sexual preference. i think, it's plain ignorance for anyone to think that way.


Secondly, hypothetically if I am afflicted with the virus, I don't think it should be a barometer of my ability and personality. That remark may have come as a joke but it's already a pre-judgement that I don't deserve at all. I am not that type of person who discrimates based on character, preference or attitude! So I expect better from anyone who knows me personally or otherwise.

Thirdly, I felt that what if I do have HIV do you shy away from me? I do know that not everyone has the intelligence to know what being gay is about, what HIV is, what being a real friend is, so at least I would expect respect and cordiality!

At this juncture, as I invibe recovery from my illness I do hope with my little opinion it reaches far and beyond to everyone who may read it - to just provide context on friendship, the ability to support any one in need, the modesty to be more careful about what they say or utter to anyone , the ability to respect and not easily think bad of others regardless of their lifestyle or preference!

World peace!