Last Thursday: A moment of reflection

* This blog article was written last Thursday.


Over Mc Donald's Cheeseburger meal I found myself writing.

Fear not the unknown as most quotes would say!!! Fear is only a pigment of what is yet to transpire. From an optimistic point of view, it's rather a good reminder that we are not in control.

This morning I was awakened by a call from my father who again experienced difficulty in breathing and chest pains. Talking about rush and emergency eh! It was Several weeks ago since he first complained about his chest. And it led us to conduct a series of emergency check ups just to make sure we're dealing with it properly if we could.

For somebody who is on his sunset years, it's probably expected he will have complains like that.

As this is biting on us, I can't help but think of fear. I guess, as part of my human nature , I can't be secluded from feeling this way. After all, There are things at stake.  Over the last couple of years, I had enjoyed and been very thankful on the good things that came my way. To think that something untoward may happen is really disturbing. How do I kill that insecurity? Well, to tell you honestly I don't know how. But I am delighted to say to you that I get by and Perhaps by reminding myself that I am stronger than I thought I am, then I am able to win over the pessimistic viewpoint that I aM experiencing.

It's rather difficult to feel bad but I think a real good attitude would serve better for me.

My father is no longer young and the sooner I accept that maybe soon he may say goodbye (for time being) just like that, it would seem fit for me so that moving on or adjustments may not really be that hard. No one's ready in this type of concern but my awareness may be my best armor for this.

Behind all the curtains and colorful hues of life that my dad and I experienced, I'd like to believe that who ever controls the light on the stage will bode for us a real and good happy ending. After all, I think we both deserve that.

Today's lesson

Some lessons or realizations i learned a few hours ago about being in a homosexual relationship. 

1. You either don't have a say about his or her acts ot decision. Plain simple insensitive stubborness...

2. You're not married so you don't get to officially decide for the welfare of each other. The promises you said or committment for each other is simply not as solidified by union of marriage. Asa ka pa!

3. You're still nobody , you're not even blood related so he/she can dismiss your suggestions, opinions, inputs or rants. That's as far as he/she can make you feel if he/she doesn't want to acknowledge your presence.

4. You're probably just into the relationship when he/she thinks it's okay &  that there's always who would understand and be more calm. In this case, maybe call the other person  "walang pakialam" for apparently missing the essence of partnership and even friendship that is to CARE for one or feel CARED about.

5. Each is still  his or her own person & with excuse #2 in line, you cannot push your agenda even if it is for your partner's sake. You may just become the KONTRABIDA to his face if you will push it. So what u can do is just zip you mouth! 

6. "Bakla ako eh!" Maybe true that being gay could be an excuse. But it's rather a Bull excuse to not see that some good intentions are meant not just for the partnership but for the supposed recipient of the intent. It's not being gay that made you as a person who cares, it's being human and it's also human to feel bad when your partner seems to not acknowledge your good intent.

It's just sad that many gay men perhaps will experience the same scenario and they won't find a way to get out of it. 

It may take a one great deal of miracle or big fall perhaps to make someone realize that to be in a relationship with someone gay or not, is bred with  mutual respect and we just have to remind ourselves that we do it coming from a best place within our heart. Sad to say such spirit isn't always noticed as it's clouded by closemindedness.

Nice Day

So it's a nice day in general. From time to time it's nice to take a break and have some solitary break from the usual routine.

As we all know, taking a break from the usual day to day grind of our lives can also be so taxing and uninspiring. As most inspirational books would say, take a break, smell the flowers, appreciate life even just for a few moment.

I take time from the usual routine as I know it's really important to do that for the sake of keeping it all in balance. As a person who enjoys a bit of spice or change from time to time, I take honor and pride in splitting myself from the bigger niche or arena just so that I can take a view of everyone around me and ponder about them, about their actions and their insane and sane acts.

MILEY CYRUS gone GAGA?
I love it! Well, she has to resurrect her career. For those who are saying her recent VMA 2013 performance was raunchy, wild and crazy, that's rather hypocritical I would say.  I would tend to side with the former Hannah Montana superstar on her latest gig just because in this crazy world whether you're in the entertainment industry or others, you need to reinvent yourself and stay in the game. Otherwise, you're just gonna rot!

NAPOLES in the headline
Hearing much of the Pork Barrel Scam these past days made me wrote an article note in my facebook on what I think about all these issue. I still stick to my opinion and yes, hearing last night that Napoles surrendered to PNoy was never a surprise to me. In my opinion, it's all but a wonderful telenovela-like script of gimmickry that is orchestrated by no less than the administration itself. They play it beautifully well. Just like a typical BIDA-KONTRABIDA role, I think the government is pulling all our legs here. So, what now if Janet surrendered? I am clamped into my boob tube to hear what is next? Will we ever find anyone guilty after this? Will we ignite more sentiments from the  Filipino people?

Maring and Habagat victim
I wonder how are the victims coping up these past few days? It would seem like everything is back to normal and that the Napoles issue has taken more of the ratings in terms of the headline. I just hope the relief efforts are still going strong and maybe for those politicians who have their PDAF , why not fund some of those relief operations for your constituents?


Social media and more
I seem to notice that many of us had really gone so gaga with the use of the internet and the social media. I love it actually because it's the fastest way to air our opinion. But just like the normal channel such as TV, radio or newspaper, let's not forget our responsibility to be a beacon of balance programming.

Mall people watching
During this time, as I enjoy  my 1 day break, I can't help but look around and observe a lot of the people, boys and girls. Some are busy walking. I wonder what are those people really doing, what are they thinking? Some guys who are in the mall who happens to just standby near the alleys, terraces, smoke cigars, dressed in rather semi fit shirts, dark shades, I think I know what they are? Some girls, in school uniform, dressed up or dressed down, so I remember a lot about the days when I was in college.

A lot to see and a lot to think about. In this little corner where I am writing this quick blog, I would just like to say it's a nice day. Rather different from my usual day. If there's anything good I'd like to take away from this break, that is, I want to start fresh starting next week to take on the bigger aspects of my work and my rather colorful personal life.

On reality, actuality, kid memories, adulthood and how simple events could spell some thoughts

It's a busy week amidst the hard rain these past few days. Though I've enjoyed a few times working remotely, it certainly is not an experience. It is not quite fun to stay at home , with heavy rains and flooding around your area. And yet, your are still required to extend your work and pretend that everything will be okay. True enough, behind dark clouds is a sun waiting to wreak some heat. Only a few days more and most of us will complain about how warm it is already. Truly, no one is contented enough!

I missed those days when I was a student where classes would be suspended due to typhoon, heavy rains and flooding. I watched the news these past few days and I said to myself that it's one of those unwanted benefit of being an adult where you are no longer bounded by the announcement of class suspension. We have to live with that reality!

Funny because when most of us were younger,  we wanted to act like we're all adults and basically we wanted to fast-forward our years to adulthood.  But such attitude is driven or flipped the other way around. Now, (if not all of us) as adults we've been wanting to go back to the childhood experiences we used to enjoy. We would find ourselves wanting to experience being a kid again, where it is less stress and experiencing a real worry-free life. Again  I say, suck it and just move forward, reality bites. It is what it is but I am not saying we should stop looking back to those good , childhood memories!

Sweet rain

We grew older and somehow we've forgotten how our inner child can love the rain...

Today, even though it's a swift shower under the heaven, I enjoyed each strands of blissful water that touched and quenched my skin...

For it was sweet, it was fun..

For it was with you, my love..

For it was a sweet rain, such a nice moment to love about the rain..

A priceless play, forever!

 

Relasyon Uno oh Uno

Mahirap ang relasyon kung sa simula ay may nasirang tiwala. Kung mahal mo ang isang tao, sabi nila handa kang bigyan ng pagkakataon ang anumang nasimulan ninyo basta pareho kayong nasa tamang isip at pagkakasundo.

Hindi perpekto ang relasyon , ‘yan ay isang katotohanang alam nating lahat. Just like any other things in this world , nobody and nothing is perfect so it takes a great deal of readiness, maturity and strength to withstand anything that may hinder the experience and things.

Ang pakikipagrelasyon ay talagang mahirap lalo na nga’t naging simula nito ay di maayos. Kung nagdesisyon kayong ituloy ito dahil sinasabi nyong gusto nyo itong ituloy at dahil alam niyo na ang pagmamahalan ninyo sa isa’t-isa ay malakas at wagas, then nothing really should stand in the way or if there is any, then you can combat it along the way.

Nakakapagod ang pakikipag-relasyon, para itong trabaho na kailangan laging may “status check”, may constant review of what’s being done right or otherwise, checkpoint on each other’s behavior and attitude as individuals and as partners in a relationship.  Sa lahat ng mga bagay na yan palagi kong sinasabi na isang malaking factor ang pagiging handa mo para magampanan mong mabuti ang role mo sa relationship. Bukod sa love mo sa iyong partner (gf, bf, ka-MU) talagang dapat alam mong may bahagi ng buong proseso na “You want it to work and be nurtured!”.

Pero paano nga ba gagawin ang lahat ng ito, ang alam mong mahal mo yung partner mo, ang alam mong gusto mo itong mag-work, ang alam mo at sigurado kang nais mo itong maging isang huwarang relasyon kahit pa medyo roller-coaster experience ito?  Hindi ko din alam ang sagot sa totoo lang. Kasi sa dami ng pedeng scenarios or pagsubok sa aspetong ito, hindi ko alam kung aling tamang formula talaga ang nagwowork. 

Ang alam ko lang masarap maging “in a relationship” sa kabila ng mga pangit at magagandang karanasan na pede ninyong masalubong sa inyong “journey together”.

I guess, what I can say is, it’s not a perfect ride but it’s a colorful experience. And yes, it’s true that TIME/PERFECT TIMING will be a factor for your relationship because it will be a test of time that will also strengthen your bond together. For some, may mga pagkakataong bumitaw na sila agad sa relasyon at pagkatapos noon ay hindi na muling sumugal dahil natakot. For some again, may mga iniwan dahil nagsawa ang kabila sa mga kahinaan ng kanyang partner at dahil duon naging dulot sa kabila ang maging “jaded”.   So, I think TIMING is a factor and of course yung DEDICATION and PATIENCE that goes with it. 

In reality, mas mahirap gawin yun, kasi lahat tayo ay TAO lamang , may kanya-kanya tayong topak at concerns na minsan bumubulag sa tamang judgement natin.  Pero siguro kung AWARE tayo about our weaknesses and we are amenable to that, it gives us an EDGE to win this love war. 

Again, I'm not an authority but all these tender ideas may be applicable in one way or the other! After all, "All is fair in love and war," as the saying goes!!!

I WRITE AGAIN: Out of the blue expression: 25 years and 10 days later...

I WRITE AGAIN: Out of the blue expression: 25 years and 10 days later...

My fingers led me to look back some nine years ago, how I looked or regarded my 25th birthday when it dawned and sprawled. They usually say that being in mid-twenties is like a quarter-life crisis for many of us. I think that it was true for me then.

Now, it's just good to look back after all those years and know that in all those ups and downs of my life I stay on course. I am much stronger and happy to look at the brighter side of things in life.

Life isn't perfect but it's always something to be happy about I must say!

Nine years ago, there was my younger self who tried to immortalized my being in the twenty-something and beyond. Now, I am on the road to being a classic. Reading that old blog article of mine once again is such a good reflection of the beautiful parts and the not so beautiful back then. Such experiences that I tried to reflect on back then led me to wade ahead my life.

To insert some lines from that old blog:
"A good friend of mine once said to me that she admires my maturity and deep thinking ability. It is such an inspiring thing to hear. Knowing that I am still a lad who must learn, achieve and succeed in all the aspects of life itself, this I believe is in preparation of my eternity."

Becoming

 

Semi-classical facets of me

They say that you cannot equate your success with your age. True. I think, success is inevitable to some who may already have achieved a lot in their younger years as much as throughout the rest of their lives. While for some, success doesn't fill in until later in life.

Life as we know it, does not give us all the opportunity that we so desire no matter how hard we try. Life is unfair as we always say. True.

Experience is the best teacher. True. In any experience, if you're intelligent enough and sensitive to the core, you will have some worthwhile realizations that you can bring forward towards the end of your life.

Growing up is not easy as much as growing old each year. True. I remember my dad who is now in his sunset years. Most often, I don't seem to understand why he would feel insecure and cautious wading through the remainder of his life. I tend to think and agree at this point that ageing and growing older isn't a fun part of existence. You will grow old, get tired, get sick, be left out and be alone to a point that no one will ever wonder if you're really okay.

Classic. What is being classic? Can I consider myself classic at this point in my life? They say classic is canonised by the adoration and colored by once own perpetual style. True, maybe. So I think I am semi-classical at this point in my life. My years had gone by and each year I look back at all the moments I spent with people, friends, love ones and family. The experiences and the success that came with my classical existence is all a picture of the ultimate classical being that I may become. The accolades and the recognition that will come by will soon become a satisfying reason to the classical existence that is me.

To say that being classic is being old and being left out may be a good way to look or define the word itself as well. If so, then maybe I am on the road to being a "classic" being.

Tomorrow, I will turn a year older and I will still celebrate and become proud of my successes, experiences (good and bad), the years of growing and the upcoming years of being older. It will all be my fuel to embrace a life that will come to pass, maybe tomorrow or maybe years from now, I don't know that for sure. The classical me, may become inevitable but I so look forward to become one in the coming years.

I am thankful to the things that were given to me. I am proud with all the achievements and the colorful hues of what life injected in my veins. I am reflective and almost teary-eyed to look at the window in where I am writing this short essat, just because I know that when I take my last stand somehow I will be remembered and be canonised as a classic. Potentially, in my epitaph I will be canonised as, "It is he, who never failed to laugh when things aren't so bright. It is he, who inspired people around him to achieve and become better. It is he, who loved to the most of his core even when he comes as if overwhelming and overshadowing. It is he, the classic being that is Jon."

Life is still good

Five years ago, you and I met. It was an unexpected encounter. Up until now I still wonder what could have been my life if I've not experience you coming into my life.

Your arrival warranted me to appreciate life better. You thought me how to love myself , smile and still be appreciative of the things that this unfair world can give.

It wasn't an ending for me but a new chapter at that point when you came. Though for a moment then, I was afraid and I asked if I can really live with you or it could have been better to live without you.

Up until now I never spoke about you to anybody or to anyone, not even to my kindred. It was my choice and a choice that I do hope you won't feel bad about. There are things that may just be left unspoken and let time move forward.

It's been a rollercoaster ride for you and I. But amidst all those things, I've learned that I can no longer change what you've done for me and how you really changed the course of my life ahead. Now, after all
these times, I seat here where I am writing this and I look back to that day I came to know you. It was never the same anymore. I would say though, that a lot more good things came in since you and I met.

I never stopped looking back because it helps me keep my ground. For what it's worth, life is still good.

WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and HOW I LOVE - an anniversary special

WHO I love was the guy I met when I was 22. He was intelligent, sexy and full of ambition in life. He inspired me to become better.

WHAT I love was the guy I met when I was 24. We met through common friends. He was someone I found to be a perfect strike of balance at that point in time! He was fun to be with, stable and sensible who inspired me that life's a colorful journey.

WHERE I love is someone I met from the most unexpected channel that is, via online! Who
said that finding someone for a serious romantic relationship isn't possible from the online channel?! He taught me how to become more independent and his commitment to me though short-lived experience, gave me a wonderful perspective on what I want later in my life ahead -- work, family & personal aspects.

WHEN I love is someone I felt I didn't need to love as a partner just because my other priorities in life such as my career was more important to me at that point in time. The relationship I had with him didn't endure the distance, the differences in our outlook, the almost seemingly immature nature of the connection we had. And it made perfect sense somehow because, even when I love at that moment I knew I won't be 100% giving it my all. However, I know I cared a lot about him.

HOW I love was someone I met when I was in the US. He is years older than me. I got so enamored by his perfect sensibility in life. He got me inspired by the situation that he and I shared deeply at that point.  We fell in love at the imperfections and humanity. HOW I love is someone I know I won't forget because he showed me how I can love and how worthy I am to be loved. And that I shouldn't let anybody define me not even someone I love. I am myself. I am me.

WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN & HOW is someone  I am  loving,  enjoying the company, partnership and friendship. He is  someone who I have the up and down moments, and someone I've committed to be in a relationship. I know in my heart that if who i love, what i love, where i love, when i love and how i love is someone who ends up being part of my life on this Earth, I know I already won almost half the battle in this crazy little arena of love & partnership.

For I know he will be my last and I won't ask much because WHO you love is who you are, WHAT you love is the reality that being in a relationship is a mixture of good and bad moments, WHERE you love is where your counterpoints doesn't matter because love is universal, WHEN you love it's not time bound, it's endless, and HOW you love  is not a question of "how" but rather a statement of your ability to love to the fullest no matter what, without much qualms or conditions as much as possible.

To YOU my 4Ws and 1H, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. It's a wonderful milestone that I will always remember and I won't stop for as long as you and I know it's a journey worth a thousand years! I thank you for your inspiration, patience and understanding. Ours is not a typical relationship where boy meets girl, or girl meets boy. Ours is the unusual sweet connection and even though some may not fully understand the reality of it, in the end I know that our LOVE will conquer them all and we will live to inspire those who has forgotten that LOVE is UNIVERSAL and ETERNALLY POWERFUL.

I LOVE YOU GA.

I'm rather hopeful and I choose to be upbeat than otherwise

There are confusions and questions and constant battle inside my head these days that I want to dislodge and eradicate.

That for a moment I say that I will be okay and my partner will be happy. It will be a good ending for us. An expectation I draw in my mind and throw out now into the Universe to accept and spread throughout.

And that he and I will be made stronger by this current crossroad which is optimistically promising if we only know how to face the music and win the challenge.

I will only look forward and give myself the chance to see the best of things in the coming months. From that I do hope that my partner will also exercise the loyalty, wit and intelligence to stay true to our course and be courageous when things are not going well.

But know and realize now, that even though you may become sad or alone , I am on the far end of the world where I will send my love, my spirit and joy to inflict love and sincerity to the devotion and partnership that I've committed unto you.

I view this cloud as rather hopeful and filled with good promise from the two hearts whose sincere and loving spirits are powerful enough to make the relationship endure.

I may look at the dark, rough patches as points of uncertainties but I must say that I do know that you and I are bred to become better and stronger. For we are wild, brusque and strong just to be shattered into pieces that easily.

My heart goes to the loving promise, the alignment of hearts and commitment of two bright minds during this time where the unthinkable were made whole and running, while  the peculiar aspects had become the simple norm of times.

In the end, I am rather hopeful and I see that the promises made can be executed entirely for the benefit of two beings who had been enveloped in rough start but had been made pliant by the complexities that were laid before their eyes!

I want the strong current to sweep me away sometimes

You! Yes, you, Mr. Going Against the Current! This one's for you! :)

For a while already I know I admire you. It's rather inefficient of me to express this now as I was reading your latest blog. I think our minds could intertwine and have a blissful intercourse together.

Such a strong physicality, intellectual prowess and mindful spirituality, things that I see in you. Yes, in you! Very cool, so sexy.

I like you. It's not what I know about you personally. It's my little known facts about you that makes me want more and more, to see you write and express and to interact with you personally that's rather more appealing as I see it. It could make perfect sense.

I don't see you that often & I only get to hear some latest news or happenings about you from your kindred. But it's all served more like an appetizing dish that I want to try and try over again.

Your written expressions in your channel is such an outlet that fills my craving and  I see you more and understand you more. I like you for that. The more I read more from your site , the more I could say you & I share a common ground and similarity of thoughts whether muddled or puddled, still its humanely sexy to admit we can cringe and/or pout  sometimes. It's our God-given right to do so.

Yes, you! I think you're CURRENTS are strong that I want to be swept away by you! I hope you delight me with your appeal and see it to be inspiring.  Cheers!

NUVALI, NUVALI BUT YOU!

Some 5 years ago I started a project,  a personal project of mine to build a house that I could be proud of as part of my long standing journey in life to succeed, to dream and inspire.  

It's not a very easy journey to say the least. I had to endure some daily grind, personal setbacks and multitude of hurdles. Amidst all that, I know I'm not suppose to stop as I know this house, this wonderful dream will share more happy memories and fun, sweet and warm times to my family & friends and love ones!

2013, with some grace of God and His divine blessing, is the year of our grand move!  

To God be the honor of having and achieving this wonderful Nuvali home of mine!  

Come, join me and share with me this milestone!

House warming gifts and well wishes are welcome! :-)

Hospital arrest!!!

Getting sick and to be hospitalized is something that I don't really wish to happen to me.

But there comes a time when things don't go our way, we succumb to stress, contract unwanted elements and eventually be run down!

I am writing this on the bed of my hospital room, spending my time here, recovering. I was sick On & Off for few days before I decided to submit myself to hospital care! I did not want to because I am thinking of so many responsibilities but I realize my health is very important.

This is the first time that I was hospitalized . Aside from thinking about what I am missing at work, there were lots of thoughts inside me that I am thinking about while in hospital confinement; like what will happen to me, who will take care of me, who will cover for me at work, what about my pending house move etcetera!!! In all these, I told myself to just let go for now and things will fall into their proper places. Add to that, I am blessed that my partner was helpful in my time of need and emergency. Some family members rushed to the hospital immediately upon notification while some friends came as well and some sent their get well messages (some were non reactive even when notified, oh well).

On the side:

One funny but I felt offensive tone/remark that I got was a question from an old friend who asked ,"Baka HIV yan?" I knew it was a joke so I amusingly said to him, "Baka nga, at kung totoo lagot ka at nagdilang anghel ka!"

However, I also felt that it's not funny to be joked around with why I'm in the hospital. I told him that I do not like the connotation just because I'm gay I am easily attributed to HIV. I am not specifically the victim of such connotation but all gay people so this led me to give a short but biting lecture of what HIV is and who it can affect (it's not just for gay people my friend)!

My point is, no one should even try to think and say a person may have HIV by virtue of his/her sexual preference. i think, it's plain ignorance for anyone to think that way.


Secondly, hypothetically if I am afflicted with the virus, I don't think it should be a barometer of my ability and personality. That remark may have come as a joke but it's already a pre-judgement that I don't deserve at all. I am not that type of person who discrimates based on character, preference or attitude! So I expect better from anyone who knows me personally or otherwise.

Thirdly, I felt that what if I do have HIV do you shy away from me? I do know that not everyone has the intelligence to know what being gay is about, what HIV is, what being a real friend is, so at least I would expect respect and cordiality!

At this juncture, as I invibe recovery from my illness I do hope with my little opinion it reaches far and beyond to everyone who may read it - to just provide context on friendship, the ability to support any one in need, the modesty to be more careful about what they say or utter to anyone , the ability to respect and not easily think bad of others regardless of their lifestyle or preference!

World peace!

Friends through thick or thin?

Sometimes I can't help but question the friendships that I've made in my life, whether those are deep meaning or otherwise.

I guess it's normal to have those moments when we question the sincerity, the loyalty and the alliance because just like being in a relationship , friendship requires constant assurances on both sides to know and help us understand that we are not just friends when things are good or okay but also when things gets tough.

Even simple gestures that requires significant adjustment by one end to another is a big deal to me. Especially if I am the one requesting or inviting at least I would expect if you really know me you know that if I say I want this or that, and its not a matter that affects the surrounding significantly but more on the subtle side where you can adjust if you want to because I ask you to, you ought to consider that - as a friend to me!

Big milestones in life, just like in anyone's own area, are really requiring support not only from family, loved ones but also good friends. What kind of support? Well, at bare minimum I guess the security of knowing that as a friend , just like what the song said, "you just call out my name, and you know whereever I am, I'll come running.."

Exciting ride of life

It is never late to see that life is good, fun and filled with exciting colors of adventures!

This photo is taken during our Zipline ride adventure in Lake Sebu, South Cotabato in Mindanao, Philippines.

It's never too late to see good places and celebrate the opportunity with people that matters to us. In this exciting ride, my partner & I enjoyed the quick seconds of that recent funventure! If you think about it, the risk, the thrill of doing thiS zipline is not something to be taken lightly. Why? Because any wrong turn could mean disaster! But sometimes, such opportunity with someone may forever be cherished as well for it will strengthen your bond and togetherness!

In the end of it all, we could say that we managed to enjoy life and never let it control our lives by being so entwined with pressures or worry that we might slip! In life, you either stop and never achieve greater heights just because you became afraid to do it. However, I should say to you that you may also choose to lIve life & love it as well as celebrate it. You may do that with or without the luxury of having someone ride it with you.

What is most important at this is that you did it, i.e. enjoyed and had fun in the thrilling and colorful journey of your life!

Have a good one!