My love for you
Your love not for me
I cannot take this
I long for you
But there is nothing for me
We are good as friends
So let it be
When I hope to love you
I also hope to forget this love for you
And killing my feelings will make it true
I know you think it is stupid
I hope you realize that I am true
I do care for you
I love you
If you don't, it's ok...
I don't want to say goodbye
Because we never really had the chance
You just passed and went by
You are still here inside me
Just don't go permanently
If killing my feelings
Will keep you near me
Then I' be glad to do it
Just be close to me again
Just don't hide and make me feel down
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Out of the blue expression: Today again...
Such a dragging, weakening feeling! I woke up late. I arrived at the office 12PM and yes I got off to a good start. Suddenly, a rush of headache tore me down slowly. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! I hate this feeling.
My head is beating hard. I can feel the pounding beat of a head being ripped with pain.
I can not concentrate and can no longer bear this. What did I do to deserve this pain? Not right now! I cannot afford to miss this time.
It's high enough that I am feeling down these past days. Thanks to my gym workout at least some of my stresses are being release. Yet still I don't want any added trouble. I want to move on and be positively high.
I dream of that day when no more physical pain or emotional downers can tie me down.
My head is beating hard. I can feel the pounding beat of a head being ripped with pain.
I can not concentrate and can no longer bear this. What did I do to deserve this pain? Not right now! I cannot afford to miss this time.
It's high enough that I am feeling down these past days. Thanks to my gym workout at least some of my stresses are being release. Yet still I don't want any added trouble. I want to move on and be positively high.
I dream of that day when no more physical pain or emotional downers can tie me down.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Out of the blue expression : Today and so on .....
Today is not a very inspiring day for me. Why? I don't know. This is one of those days when I feel I just wanted to lay my back and relax.
I am at work right now. But as you see, I am busy with my blog. Hehehe In my dire effort to release the work tension I am feeling I guess this is a good shock absorber.
What on Earth am I here for now? Months ago I made a journey to the unknown and I was displaced on this new place. While it's true that new things can bring new hope, it can also be said that the opposite of it can never be forgotten. It's the balance between good and evil. Hay!
What ever am feeling now is just a simple rebound I guess. I am thinking a lot and have not been in focus because of that. Nevertheless, it's always challenging to note that such kind of feeling will always make you reflect on what is happening in your life. I must learn to continue with life and not cling much to the things going around my circle.
...and so on!!!!!
I am at work right now. But as you see, I am busy with my blog. Hehehe In my dire effort to release the work tension I am feeling I guess this is a good shock absorber.
What on Earth am I here for now? Months ago I made a journey to the unknown and I was displaced on this new place. While it's true that new things can bring new hope, it can also be said that the opposite of it can never be forgotten. It's the balance between good and evil. Hay!
What ever am feeling now is just a simple rebound I guess. I am thinking a lot and have not been in focus because of that. Nevertheless, it's always challenging to note that such kind of feeling will always make you reflect on what is happening in your life. I must learn to continue with life and not cling much to the things going around my circle.
...and so on!!!!!
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Out of the blue expression: Guardian or Passers By
I have a friend who once asked me if I ever felt the urge to go away and never come back from the usual way of life I have right now. My answer to her was yes. I did felt that way a couple of times and have been feeling it still from time to time. I would presume that all of us feel the same way.
I have another good friend who dared to do his own thing and face life as it comes his way. I admire him for that. He has opened my eyes to every possibility that there is. I learned to think in a more meaningful way liked I would assume he did.
Two different people in my life, with two different view of life but pretty much the same longing or need. How convenient that is for me being in the middle of it all? Seeing them and observing, I learned to pick up some good points along the way. I learned to deal with the things around me in a more composed way.
We all have our friends, buds, acquaintances and loved ones to cling on to when we are in dire need of life support. I came to a point in life when I thought I almost do not have someone. God was good to give me to someone back then. This person brought me to life. Her inspiring moods and soft way of bringing me to light was such a gesture. It was not long though, I had to end it for some good and bad reason.
After her, I became more confident and have long for more possibilities that I can afford or not. That longing was not totally physical but emotional and spiritual in nature as well.
I soon found out more about myself. My questions on why, where and how things are going to be were answered. I met new people as well as old people in my life. They all are coming back while some are just showing up to my sleeves. God has surely made a way for me to seek my answers to all of my questions. These people have become the guardian and passers by of my life.
The greatest guardian ever was God. I asked Him to come with me on this journey. I requested Him to give the needs that I would have to come across with as I prepare to come up with an acceptable term for my life right now. I asked and told Him I need to cross the line so that I could see the other facets of life. I know He has permitted me. I am still not in harmony with my crossover because I have not really solved the mystery. I am still just starting to wander around. I asked Him to bear with me. In my dire effort to seek question He has permitted me to come face to face with someone. My Guardian is good to let me be myself with this person.
Who is this person? This person is my key I would say. The connection was years back but the reconnection happened again certainly. This person was the living testimony that He gave me, I am certain about it. I just do not understand why I have to feel the attachment to this special person. I just happened to know that I got so much to learn from this heaven sent creature that I regarded to be an inspiration and an indication I should not fear life and be bold.
Could it be at some point there are guardians or passers by given to us? As God is the greatest Guardian, could there be people who would bring changes to us and serve as a guardian or passers by in our lives? Up to what extent? I am afraid now that I have grown attached with this earthly dust. My guardian or passers by, I certainly hope to keep the connection, be touched or loved in anyway.
I have another good friend who dared to do his own thing and face life as it comes his way. I admire him for that. He has opened my eyes to every possibility that there is. I learned to think in a more meaningful way liked I would assume he did.
Two different people in my life, with two different view of life but pretty much the same longing or need. How convenient that is for me being in the middle of it all? Seeing them and observing, I learned to pick up some good points along the way. I learned to deal with the things around me in a more composed way.
We all have our friends, buds, acquaintances and loved ones to cling on to when we are in dire need of life support. I came to a point in life when I thought I almost do not have someone. God was good to give me to someone back then. This person brought me to life. Her inspiring moods and soft way of bringing me to light was such a gesture. It was not long though, I had to end it for some good and bad reason.
After her, I became more confident and have long for more possibilities that I can afford or not. That longing was not totally physical but emotional and spiritual in nature as well.
I soon found out more about myself. My questions on why, where and how things are going to be were answered. I met new people as well as old people in my life. They all are coming back while some are just showing up to my sleeves. God has surely made a way for me to seek my answers to all of my questions. These people have become the guardian and passers by of my life.
The greatest guardian ever was God. I asked Him to come with me on this journey. I requested Him to give the needs that I would have to come across with as I prepare to come up with an acceptable term for my life right now. I asked and told Him I need to cross the line so that I could see the other facets of life. I know He has permitted me. I am still not in harmony with my crossover because I have not really solved the mystery. I am still just starting to wander around. I asked Him to bear with me. In my dire effort to seek question He has permitted me to come face to face with someone. My Guardian is good to let me be myself with this person.
Who is this person? This person is my key I would say. The connection was years back but the reconnection happened again certainly. This person was the living testimony that He gave me, I am certain about it. I just do not understand why I have to feel the attachment to this special person. I just happened to know that I got so much to learn from this heaven sent creature that I regarded to be an inspiration and an indication I should not fear life and be bold.
Could it be at some point there are guardians or passers by given to us? As God is the greatest Guardian, could there be people who would bring changes to us and serve as a guardian or passers by in our lives? Up to what extent? I am afraid now that I have grown attached with this earthly dust. My guardian or passers by, I certainly hope to keep the connection, be touched or loved in anyway.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Me and You
It’s the way we make love
It’s the way you make me fall into you
It’s the way you make me feel good
It’s the way you make me smile
It’s the way you faced your life
It’s the way you opened up to me
It’s the way you trusted me
It’s the way you remembered me
It’s all about you
That I have started to like
It’s all about me and you
That I have start to asked
If I felt good being with you
Then is it possible that we may connect more
If you felt that way too
Then why don’t we go through it once more
This time, me and you
This time, just us
Me and you
Until we make it through
It’s the way you make me fall into you
It’s the way you make me feel good
It’s the way you make me smile
It’s the way you faced your life
It’s the way you opened up to me
It’s the way you trusted me
It’s the way you remembered me
It’s all about you
That I have started to like
It’s all about me and you
That I have start to asked
If I felt good being with you
Then is it possible that we may connect more
If you felt that way too
Then why don’t we go through it once more
This time, me and you
This time, just us
Me and you
Until we make it through
I would like to ask you
I would like to ask you
Do I fit into your heart?
Do I make a wave into your mind?
Do you ever think of me in such special way?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think you know that I care for you
I think you know that I like you
I think you know that I want you
It is only you at this point
It is only you at all point
I would like to ask you
Do I make sense with you?
Do I make you feel secure?
Do I make you feel happy?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think I need to know
I think I should know
I think I am entitled to be informed
Where do we go?
Is there a future or …
Should we just keep it low?
I would like to ask you all these
Please let me know.
Do I fit into your heart?
Do I make a wave into your mind?
Do you ever think of me in such special way?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think you know that I care for you
I think you know that I like you
I think you know that I want you
It is only you at this point
It is only you at all point
I would like to ask you
Do I make sense with you?
Do I make you feel secure?
Do I make you feel happy?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think I need to know
I think I should know
I think I am entitled to be informed
Where do we go?
Is there a future or …
Should we just keep it low?
I would like to ask you all these
Please let me know.
SERYENG TAGALOG (The Tagalog Series)
IDEYA NG PAGMAMAHAL
Hindi ko kailanman naisip na magagawa ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko madalas gawin sa buhay ko para sa ibang tao. Ngunit ng muling umawit ang aking damdaming yukod sa mainit na kaisipan ng salitang “PAGMAMAHAL” ay muli akong nahulog sa mundo ng walang katapusang saya, sakripisyo, pagbibigay at pagtitiis.
Magpahanggang ngayon hinde ko alam bakit ganito ang pakiramdam ko sa isang tao na masasabi kong naging malaking bahagi na ng aking katauhan. Sana nga lamang ay nababasa niya ito ngayon, sadyang alay para sa kanya at labis kong ikasisiya na malaman niya ang aking naiisip ukol sa aming dalawa.
Mahirap magbakasali sa isang relasyon lalo pa kung sa unang bahagi ng aspetong ito ay masasabi ayos naman ang lahat at walang pressure sa parehong panig. Ngunit kung minsan ang kaduwagan sa hinde pagharap sa tunay mong nararamdaman para sa iyong mahal ay higit na nakakalason sa sarili, sa pakiramdam, sa isipan. Minsan parang mas mainam pang malaman mo agad kung hanggang saan lamang kayo maaaring maging kayo, hinde ba?
Ang ideya ng pagmamahal ay isang malawak na paksa na matagal at paulit ulit ng tinatalakay ng sangkatauhan. Sari-saring kaisipan, kalagayan at katangian ng pagmamahal na ang ating narinig mula ng tayo ay mabuhay. Ang ideya ng pag-ibig ay hinde madaling maunawaan. Kung minsan iyon na pala ang pagmamahal pero hinde pa din natin nakikita or nadadama ito.
Sa buhay ko ngayon isa lang ang tiyak ko. Masarap at masakit ang magmahal. Masarap kasi gusto mo ang mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa iyong mahal kahit ito pa ay hinde ayon sa pamayanan. Masarap dahil naroroon ang tinatawag na “sacrifice in the name of love”. Sa isang marahas na kataga ito ay matatawag din na kabaliwan sa pag-ibig! Ang magmahal ay masakit din lalo pa kung ang inuukol mong pagtangi ay hinde binigyan ng sapat na atensyon ng iyong inaasam na kabiyak. Masakit dahil hinde ka niya man lamang nabigyan ng puwang. Kung mayroon man, ito ay hinde para maging pagmamahal na higit pa sa pagkakaibigan. Ang sakit hinde ba?
Sa buhay ko ngayon may natatangi sa puso ko. Subalit ayokong isipin kung anuman ang naghihintay. Minsan nababaliw ako sa pag-iisip na baka hinde naman niya nararamdaman ang gaya ng aking pakiramdam ngayon sa kanya. Minsan din, nais ko na siyang tanungin pero wala akong lakas. Ang aking relasyon sa kanya ay hinde tiyak. Ito ay dahil na rin siguro sa walang effort na nanggagaling sa isa’t –isa para kahit paano maging bukas kami sa mas malalim na posibilidad ng isang relasyong higit pa sa pisikal, emosyonal, mental at spiritwal na katotohanan.
Ang ideya na baka “in-love” ako sa posibilidad na maging kami ay hinde ko isinasantabi. Minsan nagkakaroon ng malaking diperensya ang ideya ng pagiging “in-love” at ang ideya ng tunay na pagbibigay ng pagmamahal.
Tinatanong ko ang aking sarili. Ako ba ay saan ngayon nakatayo sa dalawang sanga na ito ng buhay ko? Handa ba ako talaga na sumubok sa aming relasyon? Handa ba akong tanggapin ang lahat-lahat? Hanggang kalian kaya ako magiging matiyaga para sa kanya? Naiinip ka na ba? May pagtangi kaya siya sa akin kahit kaunti o wala naman pala talaga kahit katiting? Ang dami kong tanong, sana masagot kong lahat ito ng tama? Matutulungan kaya niya akong sagutin ito para sa aming dalawa…ideya ng aming pagmamahalan, ano kaya talaga?
Hindi ko kailanman naisip na magagawa ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko madalas gawin sa buhay ko para sa ibang tao. Ngunit ng muling umawit ang aking damdaming yukod sa mainit na kaisipan ng salitang “PAGMAMAHAL” ay muli akong nahulog sa mundo ng walang katapusang saya, sakripisyo, pagbibigay at pagtitiis.
Magpahanggang ngayon hinde ko alam bakit ganito ang pakiramdam ko sa isang tao na masasabi kong naging malaking bahagi na ng aking katauhan. Sana nga lamang ay nababasa niya ito ngayon, sadyang alay para sa kanya at labis kong ikasisiya na malaman niya ang aking naiisip ukol sa aming dalawa.
Mahirap magbakasali sa isang relasyon lalo pa kung sa unang bahagi ng aspetong ito ay masasabi ayos naman ang lahat at walang pressure sa parehong panig. Ngunit kung minsan ang kaduwagan sa hinde pagharap sa tunay mong nararamdaman para sa iyong mahal ay higit na nakakalason sa sarili, sa pakiramdam, sa isipan. Minsan parang mas mainam pang malaman mo agad kung hanggang saan lamang kayo maaaring maging kayo, hinde ba?
Ang ideya ng pagmamahal ay isang malawak na paksa na matagal at paulit ulit ng tinatalakay ng sangkatauhan. Sari-saring kaisipan, kalagayan at katangian ng pagmamahal na ang ating narinig mula ng tayo ay mabuhay. Ang ideya ng pag-ibig ay hinde madaling maunawaan. Kung minsan iyon na pala ang pagmamahal pero hinde pa din natin nakikita or nadadama ito.
Sa buhay ko ngayon isa lang ang tiyak ko. Masarap at masakit ang magmahal. Masarap kasi gusto mo ang mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa iyong mahal kahit ito pa ay hinde ayon sa pamayanan. Masarap dahil naroroon ang tinatawag na “sacrifice in the name of love”. Sa isang marahas na kataga ito ay matatawag din na kabaliwan sa pag-ibig! Ang magmahal ay masakit din lalo pa kung ang inuukol mong pagtangi ay hinde binigyan ng sapat na atensyon ng iyong inaasam na kabiyak. Masakit dahil hinde ka niya man lamang nabigyan ng puwang. Kung mayroon man, ito ay hinde para maging pagmamahal na higit pa sa pagkakaibigan. Ang sakit hinde ba?
Sa buhay ko ngayon may natatangi sa puso ko. Subalit ayokong isipin kung anuman ang naghihintay. Minsan nababaliw ako sa pag-iisip na baka hinde naman niya nararamdaman ang gaya ng aking pakiramdam ngayon sa kanya. Minsan din, nais ko na siyang tanungin pero wala akong lakas. Ang aking relasyon sa kanya ay hinde tiyak. Ito ay dahil na rin siguro sa walang effort na nanggagaling sa isa’t –isa para kahit paano maging bukas kami sa mas malalim na posibilidad ng isang relasyong higit pa sa pisikal, emosyonal, mental at spiritwal na katotohanan.
Ang ideya na baka “in-love” ako sa posibilidad na maging kami ay hinde ko isinasantabi. Minsan nagkakaroon ng malaking diperensya ang ideya ng pagiging “in-love” at ang ideya ng tunay na pagbibigay ng pagmamahal.
Tinatanong ko ang aking sarili. Ako ba ay saan ngayon nakatayo sa dalawang sanga na ito ng buhay ko? Handa ba ako talaga na sumubok sa aming relasyon? Handa ba akong tanggapin ang lahat-lahat? Hanggang kalian kaya ako magiging matiyaga para sa kanya? Naiinip ka na ba? May pagtangi kaya siya sa akin kahit kaunti o wala naman pala talaga kahit katiting? Ang dami kong tanong, sana masagot kong lahat ito ng tama? Matutulungan kaya niya akong sagutin ito para sa aming dalawa…ideya ng aming pagmamahalan, ano kaya talaga?
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