INDEPENDENCE DAY SPECIAL: Confuse Filipino

PGMA and her allies are in big big trouble lately. So what is new? The Filipinos are always hounded by political instability and turmoil. Since the time when the 2nd World War, this country is always in the running field but it never came to a point that it reach some point of progress.

Back then, the world was recovering and so the Philippines is like one of the best countries. As they said, we were more advanced than our neighboring countries before. The effect of American colonization on this country has certainly affected the lives of many people. Good and bad, the American presence to this country was something...

Philippine Independence day is just a couple of days away. Looking back and being a Filipino, I am in such big question why this country never really made it big in the world in terms of economic stability & political maturity.

So many ideas are lurking inside my head as to why and what is the reason behind Philippines rise and fall so to speak. Filipinos as they said lack the discipline, they have strong regionalism, overly religious belief, high streak crab mentality and ever rising brain drain are some of the obvious answers that I could think of.

I am in big trouble perhaps because as part of this country, I am not in a secure situation. I am not fully enjoying the good life, the good society, the progress.

If we will only learn. Well, that is what I can say. Many of us are always complaining and trying to destroy the reputation of somebody just to grab power and success. That is one Filipino behavior that has been with us for so many years now. Sad to say and as truth really hurts, this behavior kept us hanging on the drain hole.

Moving forward, I must say I am not a good citizen of this country. Why? Because like most people, I complain, I don't feel the sense of nationalism that most advocate of nationalism would feel. I am not very supportive of the government for I have always put a negative connotation to its governance.

Oh well, as of this writing I cannot think of something good to end this expression....my mind is in limbo and so many thoughts are coming inside my head. Mixed expressions and thoughts about my beloved Philippines....

In short, maybe like most Filipinos, I am confuse and I do not know what direction I should take to live my life as Filipino citizen. At the same time, I am dissatisfied with what my life has turned out to be in my country, like how the Philippine economy had been going through UPS and DOWNS. So much for this...

With that, I can only, "Mabuhay pa din ang Pilipinas! Kasihan nawa tayo ng pagpapala ng Diyos at Kanyang pagmamahal."

SERYENG TAGALOG : Kay Haiku730

Liwanag sa aking madilim na pananaw
Magiting na kabalyero ng aking buhay
Isang makisig na kasama
Tunay na sa akin ikaw ay mahalaga Mahal kita...

Tanglaw sa aking landas
Isang lakas na bumubuo sa aking nanghihinang diwa
Masarap kasama, mainit at nag-alab
Tunay na sa akin ikaw ay mahalaga Mahal kita...

Walang sinuman ang aangkin sa iyo sa akin
Labis na ako sa iyo'y nahumaling
Tapat kitang iibigin, iyong kalinga'y aking nanamnamin
Tunay na sa akin ikaw ay mahalaga Mahal kita...aking sinta!

SERYENG TAGALOG (Tuloy-tuloy lang) : Sa isang sulok ng asul na hinaing

Nais kong mabuhay kasama kayong lahat sa isang kahariang walang sakit at lumbay. Nitong mga huling araw ako ay dumadaan sa isang kritikal na pagkakataon. Muli ako ay sinusumpong ng takot, ng pangamba at pangungulila.

Ako'y waring isang nawawalang kuting na natatakot sa kung anong kahihinatnan ng lahat ng mga nangyayari sa akin nitong mga huling araw. Sa katunayan nga lang, hinde naman ako nababahala ng lubos na ako'y mawawalan ng trabaho sa susunod na mga araw ngunit ako ay nag-iisip kung anong maganda kong gawin upang ibsan ang napipintong tagtuyot sa aking buhay karera.

Ako'y tila isang inakay na nangangambang di na ako datnan ng aking ina sa aking pugad dahil baka ako'y kainin na ng kalaban. Sa katunayan ang aking pangamba kahit paano ay nagpipilit humulagpos sa aking katauhan. Sari-saring paraan ng pagsasaya ang aking ginagawa para lamang kahit paano ay maging maayos ang pagtingin ko sa lahat ng ito. Hindi ko naman ito tinatakasan pero nais kong maging balanse at normal lang itong aking buhay sa kabila ng lahat.

Ako'y tila isang babae na naghihintay sa pagbabalik o pagdating ng aking minamahal. Ilang buwan na ng lumisan sa aking piling ang isang mahalagang tao sa aking buhay pag-ibig. Mula noon di na ako naging normal. Hinahanap ko ata ang katangian niya sa ibang mga nakikilala ko sa aking paglabas at pagbisita sa internet. Ewan ko ba, sadyang alam ko ngayon na ako'y nabulid sa kanya at kung kaya sa pagkakataong ito hinde ko na din nakikitang masaya ako sa pagpunta punta ko sa mga bahay aliwan o sayawan kung saan ko maaaring makilala si ginoo ng aking buhay.

Ang internet sa ngayon ang siyang nagbibigay daan upang makausap ko ang aking Marso at siya'y makapiling subalit hinde ito kasiguruhan para sa amin. Kaalinsabay nito ang pagdating ng mga ibang buwan ng kakisigan na aking nakakausap at nakakakilala ng personal. Kung minsan naisip ko ayos lang makipag-usap at makipagkilala sa ganitong paraan pero hinde din pala lalo na't nagkita na kayo at lahat ng hinahanap mo o hinahanap niya ay di nagtugma sa gusto niyo. Ito'y nagiging isang kabaliwan at kabalintunaan na lamang. Masakit din minsan kasi nararamdaman mong ito na sana pero hinde pa pala. Siya na sana pero hinde naman nagtatagal at nawawala din.
Pangungulila at paghahanap ng sandigan at kakapitan ang aking nais na maayos sa susunod na araw. Pagod na ako, masasabi kong ako'y sobrang pagod. Nais kong lumigaya ngunit di sa paraang sandali lamang ang dulot o hatid na pakiramdam.

Sana sa isang sulok na asul, masabi ko din na di lang hinaing ito kundi kasiyahang kwento din minsan pa ang aking maibahagi sa inyong lahat...

JT

Out of the blue expression: Sleepless Night

I was gasping and basically in the restless mood last night. I enjoyed a good dinner, farewell party for a Malaysian friend. It was a good night, fun and delightful at some point. We all headed for home before midnight strikes.

At last, at home, I get to enjoy the warm bed on a warm humid night. I slept for almost 3 hours and suddenly I saw myself in pain, in an uncomfortable feeling, in a very confuse state. Dreaming or for real? This is the question that I asked myself. It was like I am awake but also asleep. It was like, I am lying down but also up.

Finally, I stood up and it was like a relief. A freedom that I desire from the sleepless night that I am experiencing. I am very tired. I am at the same time reflective of the situation that I just saw. I saw what I cannot really describe and devour. I am in confusion maybe. My brain has been processing a lot of thoughts lately and perhaps last night it all burst out.

I've had been in many sleepless nights in the past, but last night I felt it was such an extra sleepless night. In 7 months, I have always been very comfortable with my situation. Maybe the changes that I am about to encounter soon is making me look back and think much.

Sleepless night...

Out of the blue expressions: Long Weekend Aftermath

I am blessed to live my life this past four days. YES! Why?!

I spent the long weekend mostly with my family. We had a reunion so to speak and turned out to be a spontaneous effort to go out of town all of a sudden. These kind of things seldom happen due to our busy skeds and separate lives. But this long weekend experience is something worth writing right now.

I am perhaps looking for the strength and support that I can master from my kinsmen. I am losing my grip and my told these past days as I enter a new career crossroad which is also being hit with occassional love worries. The long weekend gave me enough time to reflect and think of what I must do with my life once again. A new level of awareness that I need to shuffle within my energy field so that I won't lose my track was ignited. My time with my family helped me a lot.

On the other side, I will be honest to say that the long weekend was also quite a bore, come to think of it. I missed my chances in going out with my friends and party. I opted to be on the side for these past 4 days so I paid for it. For a while, I detached my self from the scene thinking I may get something new out of family "thingy" experience. There was no regret to a minute that I was with them. It was a pleasant , simple experience and well grounded.

I am thinking now. I am wishing that after this storm, I will be able to decide clearly on my next move. I wish I will be stronger and more secure. I wish I will be able to find the love and career/company that is right for me. I wish I won't ever have to argue with my tatay again in terms of planning my life. I wish I won't have to succumb to the pressure of others just to have a good life. I really wish my life will be better and better each day with less pain and more happiness.

Light footed elf

I told my elf, "ang tagal ng araw ng pagsasara .. gusto ko ng mamahinga..at makapag-isip ng tama sa mga susunod na araw... i am afraid to decide on things right now..lahat ng aspeto.. alam mo dahil dun puro pagsasaya lang nasa isip ko..puro mga panandalian pag aaliw na kumakain sa purchasing power ng bulsa ko ... bad side and good side of everything..hay!"

My elf, my confidant..and sometimes I'm her confidant. Well, it's seldom in life that we find a good natured person to talk to, to laugh with, to chat with and to hold on. This elf, light-footed elf is one great person to know.

She is vulnerable at times, quiet but with a great deal of substance that everyone may appreciate if they only know how.

Too bad, we're not "talo" haha she's a sister to me! She's a hag that any guy of my style can ask for more. Thanks for your endless words of wisdom. Truth hurts and it really hurts to hear most of your sermons about life, maybe because you have experienced more of life than I am since your the eldest of our fabolous quartet!

Oh well, this is the good side of having to lose a job soon and having to do less work while in the office as I await the last day of this warm, yet cold office. I get to look at my other correspondence which I find less time dealing with when I was busy at work.

"When things are in their best shape, we tend to forget the most important factors in our life that truly make us whole."

Out of the blue expression: The release

Finally, am free of another bondage. Yes! It's official my current office is closing down. No! Am not in total celebration thinking that I am gonna lose my source of income, this isn't going to be very easy especially if I don't find a suitable replacement soon.

My career path has always been so derailed. I am not sure why I have not been so lucky finding my near to ideal, perfect company. I enjoy what I do as an IT professional but I have not been in good fortune to find the stable, secure and inspiring office that I seek.

As this chapter of my career comes to an end, I am in bliss to think that I still learned a lot from this recent experience. I met new friends and certainly I would like to keep them in the long run. In every company that I was with in the past 5 years, if there's one good thing in these experiences, it would be the skills that I learned and the friends that I earned. Nobody can take these and them away from me.

Now, I am moving forward. I am happy, 'coz, I am relieved from the pressure of work. I am sad, 'coz I am going to start all over again. But this is life for me, an endless pursuit and challenge. I always feel battered but then I also feel blessed. This is my life. This is how it has been. I am glad that I live, got no regrets but moments of sentiments at times. But this is my life, my ever colorful life.

Cheers for me! Kudos..Praise! God bless me on my journey! So mote it be!

Out of the blue expression..again!

Tuesday...Choose your day!

Just here in my office, trying to figure out a way to let myself go out of boredom. I practically woke up on a bad day light. My head aches and it really slowed me in the process.

As I write and make my self productive, my mind seem to float and wonder on a dreamy mood. So much so that I am sleepy here, I found my self contemplating on the issues of career and love life. YEAH! Can you believe that? I have a career and a not so good love life which I am so eager to resolve but I don't know how.

So much for that reflection...YAY! I am really bored, sleepy, feeliing tired and lazy. I hope the day at work ends now. I just wanna linger around and not concentrate much on work.

Out of the blue expression

It's another ordinary Monday! I spent my time, my day in the office and practically did not do anything much. In any case, I had the whole morning 'til lunch today outside of the office.
One good thing perhaps is that when I arrive at the office there's less work to do. Heheheh
From time to time it is quite nice to be bum in the office.

Later today I spent my day on the net. And by break of the evening, I managed to snatched 2 free tickets for the advance screening of Closer at the Powerplant. So cool and quite engaging this evening for me. I spent it all alone. The friends I invited to join me see the movie are all not available.

I loved Closer, it reminded of my creativity as a writer. The writer of the story inspired me to do something like that in the future. A new friend, recommended that the movie is quite good and he did not fail me. Salute to him!

I am tired and bored now... practically wasting my spirit here in front of the sad monitor. I am also sad and out of the blue my expression series is back officially!

Good evening!

Resurrection is the name of the game

HAPPY EASTER?

I am blessed to have experienced another Holyweek special. This year it was not the usual celebration.

I commemorated this occassion in the company of my family, friends and later by myself.
What is more striking about this is the fact that I, right now have been undergoing a lot questions in my life once again. Personal life and career life has always been on top of my concern. Sometimes I worry too much to a point that I am overwhelmed. This is probably not good 'cause I tend to break down.

This lenten season proved to be different from the past lenten celebration. This came in parallel with the commemoration of my lola's death anniversary as well as my mom's. It is really a time of change. I know it's been 2 years when both of the two special women in my life passed away. Their influence and memory on me still lingers on up to this very moment. This is a good thing 'cause I keep myself on the ground. So this season of holiness did not only led me to observe kindness but also it gave me time to think about them, my mom and my lola. I missed them and that is why I felt a bit sad during the last two days of this holy week commemoration.

Happy Easter! New life, new hope that symbolizes the sacrifice and the love of Jesus for mankind. I certainly have no reason to fret because this past week is a good week. Changes took place and it is not really easy but I have to bear the time's command over it.

I do hope once again, after these days of reflection, merritorious moments and meditative contemplation I will be able to soar high and focus on my goals and be the best of what I can be.

I am resurrected!

An expression of love and hope : 3 weeks love affair

3 Weeks Love Affair

I never imagined in my life that someone will come and go just that so easily. The hardest part of course is letting go and moving on.

At first the act was just like a play and flirtation but this turned out to be something more than I expected. We clicked and we find instant connection in our first meeting. Literally, we jived and everything fell into its proper place. I guess at some point both of us love the idea of being together and be with each other's arms. The sincerity and the care for each other I felt in and out.

I am thankful to the Creator for this. I am not bitter that this romantic connection just ended like this with no proper confirmation.

It's quite not easy to have a long distance love affair. This is the reason I did not entertain much the thought of us being partners. I am happy and glad to share my piece and my thoughts. I felt special in many ways as well. It is such a thrill and something unexpected. I have not experience this kind of treatment from anyone in long while.

Indeed, this short romantic flick was a blessing. Indeed a big motivation for me to dream more and achieve more.

In all these good sides, there's just some part of me that felt I am once again all alone. Alone in a sense that I am on my own, no partner, no instant inspiration, no instant companion who will like me and love me as I am . Once again, I am dreaming that someday the right person will come along and will never leave my sight again.


....the promise,
I love you and I need you, if it is our destiny to be together it will happen I suppose. I will try hard to do my best and follow you there. I hope by that time, I am not so late to have you back in my arms again.

A Valentine Offering

Dearest Cupid,

Greetings to you! I hope this letter reaches you in time for valentine. I have always been in search for love. I would really say and dare I have been pricked, hurt and devastated because of past heart aches.

Valentine is near again. Many and if not all will feel the rush of finding their perfect partner or as they say the right one. Oh Cupid...perhaps I am one of the many. At this point in time, I am single still. Yes! You are not mistaking, I though I have found the right person but it prove to be not. I love him so I set him free. I cannot tie him down to my side if it's not me that he loves. At a point he said to me I am a potential yet moments came and time passed by, we lost the feeling that was once ignited.

Cupid, after that experience I am once more in vague. I knew that I still have feelings for this man, but that has diminish to a degree now at present. I am dating, meeting and guessing at this point. I hope you can carry me and help me find the right one. I don't wanna get hurt again. In my search and long journey, I have been down. At this point, as much as possible I want to experience the happiness that love can bring and not the sadness that it might incur for me.

Cupid, you are the maximizer of love. Yes, it seems that you tend to hit your arrow of love to couple who doesn't seem to care about each other at first but with your poisonous arrow you can turn them into romantic couple. I am so open now, hit me and hit the person am seeing now. Or in perfect timing, may you be there to shower us with love bubbles to ignite our thoughts, care, passion and affection for each other.


This is quite long now. I hope you could shed some light in my dark shadowed heart.

Sincerely yours,

JT

Tired

Today, after a long weekend and a good time spent at home in Bulacan I suddenly felt that I am am thinking uncertain....



Last night, Sunday, after just arriving in Makati from the province, I spent some time at our pad and then went out for a Sunday night time out! I went out with a good friend of mine. We basically spent our time in Greenbelt then later decided to take time on net cafe. Well, prior to the net cafe we basically catch up on the events that transpired in our lives for the past days. In addition to this, the most encouraging part is the thrill of talking about our love lives. Hehehe



Well, the night just passed by. Last night I also met with a person whom I thought was worth meeting to the least..but I guess I was wrong. It wasn't a very good timing I must say. I did not feel good about it. I thought that meeting this person could have made a difference somehow from the other meet ups I have made in the pasts.



In short, after almost an hour, I segway to go back to my friend and we went on to continue surfing the net until the early morning...



I went home at 3 AM, then I woke up at around 8:45 AM. Just enough to go to work. BUT! oops, I am not feeling good about going to work all of a sudden. I felt tired and hindered. There has been some uncertainty at work lately, the company status and it's objectives per se is the main concern I have. I enjoy my new work come to think of it. But, I don't seem to enjoy it fully when at the back of my mind I might find myself in the ditch for lack of stability in tenure. I don't know how to assess the situation, my situation, with my company right now. It seems that I have a good future here since opportunities to shine here would be good if the office would just simply be transparent about where we are heading. On the contrary, I feel quite down and uneasy.



How I wish I could disspell all these negativities in my mind. I have long for a stable job and a good personal life for so long now. 2005 is such a new hope for me...after going through a lot these past 3 years. I can only think now that I must be ready to face any consequences that lies ahead of me. Life is a journey indeed. But then, I couldn't help but think why my journey has always been not so smooth.



I am tired.

Not in the mood as I write

It's a new year once again. I am back here in the office. It's a start of a new work. The holiday vacation is over.



The vacation was cool and full of good celebration. I basically spent the time with my kinsmen and friends. For me, all these are worth while celebrations.



Yet! Now it is 2005...suddenly am not in a good mood. I was trying to find a reason to this abnormality within my mind. My mood shifted to a considerable extent. Which I really don't like feeling.



I am perhaps on the right track though. What I need perhaps is a dose of inspiration from my higher Being. A swirl of positivity that is dissipating or has lowered down. I need a boost!



I am certain that I am in a good direction. I don't intend to lose my way now. I can't afford to fall right at this point. I do hope as I express myself here, I will find the reason to feel good and happy again.



There's so much going on again in my head and my tolerance is shaking to a point where I cannot bear it. This is a year of new hope for me and achievements. As far as I am concern, I want all my goals and end be achieved. The question is, "Will I survive?" The answer that I'd like to say, "Yes! With Flying colors!"



Head up and be proud!