Life has always been an exciting ride for us all. It is exciting in the sense that we all experience a lot of things, good and bad, in our so called lives.
Last 2003, I went through a change. And now, 2004 I faced the reality within myself. I am speaking in terms of career path, family life and personal life. Indeed, I can consider myself a life surfer who has given a lot of spice to my close environment.
Looking back on this year and now as I am writing I can say that in general this was a very good year for me. Most of my goals and most of what I want to do in the beginning days of this year transpired to a considerable degree.
January 2004, I ended my stint on my 2nd job of almost 3 years. This decision has already been declared last December 2003. There was no regret on my part doing this decision. For I was ready to leave and pursue a different career direction in writing.
I am successful in a way to try my luck in the field of writing. I met a lot of people, considerable beings who gave me the chance and the support to pursue my goal to write.
Almost 2 months after my resignation, I found myself working in an international NGO for peace. I was like into an apprenticeship program here. The experience was good and really enriching. I helped my superior here to finalize his self-authored book about peace. Though as enriching as the experience is, my stint on this I-NGO was short. I need not elaborate what happened but basically I ended my work here formally. During this period, as an aspiring writer that I am, I had to decide if I will go back to my work in the IT industry and pursue career in writing on the side light. This crossroad I had to deal and was able to cross later on.
Around March 2004, I went back to where I first belonged. I found a good career offer as an IT professional for a mobile content provider. My first job, back in 2000 is somewhat similar to this. I was excited and was really in high spirit when I joined this company.
Truly, in any arena there is a mixture of positive and negative. My second work for this year alone proved to be a challenged. As exciting as the skills that I can learn in my work here, competition and intrigue came along . I am lucky to have stayed for 6 months in this company. It's not that I was intolerant of the situation, but I knew very well that the company is not running well. As I write this, the last that I heard of about this company is not so good. I opted to find a better pasture and that was perhaps a good decision as far as my career development is concern.
The 2nd quarter of this year led me to experience some personal realizations as well. Given my present career moves at this point, I also went through some life changing upheavals. A blast from the past, someone I knew four years ago came back. It was not planned, both of us , perhaps never did plan this to happen. But for some unknown reason, we were driven back on each other's arms. The reconnection was something I did not imagine can happen, but it did. At some point I felt bliss and happiness being with this angel.
Like any beautiful romance or sweet stories, this experience proved to be a bitter pill to swallow as well. All the hopes and laughter turned gray and sour. Things did not end well between us.
Going through this experience, I had to bear myself so heavily. I stumbled so hard to my knees. I came to a point where I almost gave up my work and retreat back. I made some bad decisions and have tried harder.
I am not so good in dealing with matters of the heart. 2004 is career and love combined for me. I experienced transformation within myself this year. I accepted my real self and have come to share this with people that came close to me. I met new friends and had maintained close relationships with them. I continued to keep my old connections and basically have managed to make my circle of friends grow. These people, including my kinsmen, were the only shield and thrust that supported me.
As I undergo career upheavals and love turmoils, I believe I have become stronger. This year is my self declaration and realization.
I moved along...around July 2004 while am still with the second company...I met someone through friends introduction. I felt good to go out once again. This was the start of my healing from the angel that broke my heart and soul to a degree. This second love pass made me feel good about myself. I realized my potential to be a good person who is capable of giving love without really expecting much in return. This for me was good enough to experience basically this did not last like the first one this year.
When I ended this loving experience, I focused my attention to my career once again. I had to rebuild my career path as I confirmed myself. This time am more bold and daring to act. Luckily, time somehow was on my side. I got a call from a company in Makati named Vinciworks. It was on this company I found my new home. I went through the process of selection and was able to pass through it. At this point, I was ready to leave my second job for this year alone. There was no looking back for me at this point. I laid out my last quarter objectives and went through it. Believe me, trying to prove something to yourself, to others and your family is something not so easy to do. My formula? Hmmm ...faith.
September 2004, I am in my new office. This is a new set of work experience for me. I never thought that I can get in here. Somehow the process was kind of tough. And right now, I would say the pressure and the demand here is really something not like in my previous work experiences. I am feeling good about this whole new work experience basically. I felt more secure here.
We have a saying, "Once is ok. Twice is good but experiencing it thrice would be enough!" I was thinking, this is the third work stint I had in a year...and so far the experience is kind of rewarding. There are tough challenges at work and so much learnings that fill my thirst for knowledge and experience. I already have come to a point of realization that I will be more focused here in my third job. This is to avoid the mistakes I had in the past. So far, I think I am doing well.
As I have already mentioned, 2004 is a combination of career and love for me. This article won't be complete if I won't include my third love encounter. At this point where my career seemed to have stabilized, I found myself eventually falling again with someone I came acrossed with through friends.
Cupid hit me thrice this year and the third arrow proved to be poisonous as well in the end. I would like to believe that I found my love in this person but time was not on our side. Also, this person never had the strong feeling towards me. At a point, we kind of had the moment and the connection but things got diverted by other forces of nature. I had to let go and accept. I learned from my pasts and be as mature as I can be.
This year is coming to an end. If I will look back on those past months and days and times, I am glad to say that I have live! I experienced a lot of crossroads in my life this year that put me ono the spotlight, where the world is my stage and I am one of the actors. Shakespeare is really a genious thinking it that way.
As I continue, life would be like surfing on the vast ocean of tides. 2004 is my declaration, 2005 will be the achievement of everything I have always wanted to pursue and realize. I will carry on and do it with full intention.
SO MOTE IT BE!
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Somewhere in my recent past...I wrote this..and now I think am ok?
There's this quote, “Sa pag-ibig, masakit mahulog sa taong ang tingin sa iyo ay kaibigan lang…Pero mas masakit na malaman mong mahal ka niya ngunit dahil sa pagkakaibigan…Pilit niyang tinatanggi.”
To clarify though, I don’t have any bitterness against anyone for that matter in my heart right now as I am writing this. But I cannot hide the fact I am ailing and in pain to think that my good friend, someone I love and have come to adore has break in the news into my face...I think what I was needing was some point of clarity between us, but this seemed to be something that looked like as a goodbye to what ever future we might have.
“Friends lang muna tayo…napaka spontaneous ng mind ko. Minsan I feel this way and that way...” These are the words.
I don’t know how I’m feeling right now my friend. It’s a mixture of feelings for that matter. It’s not everyday we get to love someone and have his/her same degree of love be given back to you. If it happens, then it’s probably a blessing. In my case, once again it was not given back. Time was against me once more.
Just recently, I come face to phone with my friend. I’d like to address him to be a friend, ‘coz we really are. But we are friends to a higher level of relationship. We sort of had an understanding. But we sort of had no commitment. What a complicated matter this can be, if you can just imagine.
“I have feelings for you too…but…” These are the words.
I don’t know if I should feel good about it. If he has feelings for me maybe then it wasn’t good enough. I have feelings for him, but I cannot force it into him. He knows how I feel. I don’t want to put pressure on him. I can only give myself to a certain point. It was so hard to hear him say these words to me. Caught off guard I am.
“Please don’t think pinaglalaruan lang kita, kaya kailangan malinaw sa atin ito..” If he is reading this now, I want him to know I am not thinking that way. I met him, probably at a wrong time but never I would be thinking that I was toyed. I found him to be extraordinary, not the usual character seen by the naked eye. That is probably the reason I liked him so much in the first place. I won’t change my thoughts on him as long as he will not give me reason to think otherwise.
“I love you…”
HAHAHAH …that’s all I had to reply when he uttered those words. I didn’t know but what I felt hearing him say those words, my heart crumpled and my mind was thinking and wanting to say to him…”Mahal mo ako bilang ano…bakit kailangan mo pang sabihin…” Like he was reading my mind via telepathy he said again, “I love you friend….I don’t want to lose you.”
At this point I don’t know how to react but I uttered words I can no longer remember now. The conversation was not good enough for me. I told him I don’t appreciate the way he came unto me. I prefer a face to face not face to phone setup. I didn’t know. Probably it’s because I have been into various relationship booboos and the least gesture I would expect someone to do is not to directly come up to me. I don’t know but I am really not solve with that.
In a matter of days, my world will revolve and my life will move along with the tides of life. I still expect, somehow at some peak of tide, Phil and I will find the right time to converge and be together for real. Yes we are friends but this will look like a cliche, won't it. I cannot discount the fact, we both might not end up together in the long run.
This is so hard for me right now, but I am friends with him. I promised to him nothing will change…still this would probably be something that will move us apart. I hope not. I am human and at my phase will get over this feeling I just don't know how. If destiny will give us the reason to go on with our lives separately I would accept, but if I can decide I would like to love him for all my life. I love you…I don’t want us to be just friends If only time can permit..my friend...
To clarify though, I don’t have any bitterness against anyone for that matter in my heart right now as I am writing this. But I cannot hide the fact I am ailing and in pain to think that my good friend, someone I love and have come to adore has break in the news into my face...I think what I was needing was some point of clarity between us, but this seemed to be something that looked like as a goodbye to what ever future we might have.
“Friends lang muna tayo…napaka spontaneous ng mind ko. Minsan I feel this way and that way...” These are the words.
I don’t know how I’m feeling right now my friend. It’s a mixture of feelings for that matter. It’s not everyday we get to love someone and have his/her same degree of love be given back to you. If it happens, then it’s probably a blessing. In my case, once again it was not given back. Time was against me once more.
Just recently, I come face to phone with my friend. I’d like to address him to be a friend, ‘coz we really are. But we are friends to a higher level of relationship. We sort of had an understanding. But we sort of had no commitment. What a complicated matter this can be, if you can just imagine.
“I have feelings for you too…but…” These are the words.
I don’t know if I should feel good about it. If he has feelings for me maybe then it wasn’t good enough. I have feelings for him, but I cannot force it into him. He knows how I feel. I don’t want to put pressure on him. I can only give myself to a certain point. It was so hard to hear him say these words to me. Caught off guard I am.
“Please don’t think pinaglalaruan lang kita, kaya kailangan malinaw sa atin ito..” If he is reading this now, I want him to know I am not thinking that way. I met him, probably at a wrong time but never I would be thinking that I was toyed. I found him to be extraordinary, not the usual character seen by the naked eye. That is probably the reason I liked him so much in the first place. I won’t change my thoughts on him as long as he will not give me reason to think otherwise.
“I love you…”
HAHAHAH …that’s all I had to reply when he uttered those words. I didn’t know but what I felt hearing him say those words, my heart crumpled and my mind was thinking and wanting to say to him…”Mahal mo ako bilang ano…bakit kailangan mo pang sabihin…” Like he was reading my mind via telepathy he said again, “I love you friend….I don’t want to lose you.”
At this point I don’t know how to react but I uttered words I can no longer remember now. The conversation was not good enough for me. I told him I don’t appreciate the way he came unto me. I prefer a face to face not face to phone setup. I didn’t know. Probably it’s because I have been into various relationship booboos and the least gesture I would expect someone to do is not to directly come up to me. I don’t know but I am really not solve with that.
In a matter of days, my world will revolve and my life will move along with the tides of life. I still expect, somehow at some peak of tide, Phil and I will find the right time to converge and be together for real. Yes we are friends but this will look like a cliche, won't it. I cannot discount the fact, we both might not end up together in the long run.
This is so hard for me right now, but I am friends with him. I promised to him nothing will change…still this would probably be something that will move us apart. I hope not. I am human and at my phase will get over this feeling I just don't know how. If destiny will give us the reason to go on with our lives separately I would accept, but if I can decide I would like to love him for all my life. I love you…I don’t want us to be just friends If only time can permit..my friend...
Thursday, November 18, 2004
SERYENG TAGALOG: LARO
Anong laro ang mainam
Anong laro ang may kagandahan
Ang buhay ay isang laro
Tunay ngang mahirap na laro
Araw araw ako'y sumusugal
Sa isang laro na di ko lubos na alam
Laro ng buhay ang tawag ko dito
Larong walang humpay
Tayo ng makipaglaro
Sa kapalaran at panahon
Laro ng buhay
May pait at may saya
Laro...
....Halika ka na. Sasali ka ba?
Anong laro ang may kagandahan
Ang buhay ay isang laro
Tunay ngang mahirap na laro
Araw araw ako'y sumusugal
Sa isang laro na di ko lubos na alam
Laro ng buhay ang tawag ko dito
Larong walang humpay
Tayo ng makipaglaro
Sa kapalaran at panahon
Laro ng buhay
May pait at may saya
Laro...
....Halika ka na. Sasali ka ba?
Monday, October 25, 2004
For the reason I Flip :-)
This is my version of the song, "How did you know". I entitled it, "I did not know".
I did not really know that I could feel this way again. That is, to like someone and each day care to a higher degree of caring and thinking. Nonetheless, it is such a lovely feeling. I share this to you and soon I hope we can sing it together. :-)
- Jonathan
I did not know
INTRO
I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You gave me your name
I gave you mine and made you smile
My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right on my mind
Made me feel life will work out just fine
CHORUS
I did not know
I needed someone like you in my life
And fill the empty space in my heart
We met at the right time in my life
I'll never forget
When you brought the stars to light up my life
And took all the woes and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you cross my way
No words can say how much I care for you
(Repeat Chorus)
I did not really know that I could feel this way again. That is, to like someone and each day care to a higher degree of caring and thinking. Nonetheless, it is such a lovely feeling. I share this to you and soon I hope we can sing it together. :-)
- Jonathan
I did not know
INTRO
I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You gave me your name
I gave you mine and made you smile
My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right on my mind
Made me feel life will work out just fine
CHORUS
I did not know
I needed someone like you in my life
And fill the empty space in my heart
We met at the right time in my life
I'll never forget
When you brought the stars to light up my life
And took all the woes and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you cross my way
No words can say how much I care for you
(Repeat Chorus)
Thursday, October 21, 2004
"Say You Love Me"
"I was looking into the mp3 of my officemate and had the chance to listen to this beautiful Patti Austin original song, "SAY YOU LOVE ME".
It was quite a hit to me. It is so cool to the ear and somehow I was able to relate to the message of the song. Hmmm....it's not really a big deal for me...or at least I don't want to think of that as a big deal. I don't want to assume any possibility 'cause I have always been blinded and had easily fallen in love in the pasts.
Listening to this song, reminded me of the importance of how good it is to feel inspired. Basically, it is the essence. Now, even if I am still not sure if the other party feels the same way as I feel, I could straightly say that it's worth experiencing to feel good for someone.
Now in my busy work day, I was able to deviate and send this one to all who may likewise feel te way that I feel. "-JT
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It was quite a hit to me. It is so cool to the ear and somehow I was able to relate to the message of the song. Hmmm....it's not really a big deal for me...or at least I don't want to think of that as a big deal. I don't want to assume any possibility 'cause I have always been blinded and had easily fallen in love in the pasts.
Listening to this song, reminded me of the importance of how good it is to feel inspired. Basically, it is the essence. Now, even if I am still not sure if the other party feels the same way as I feel, I could straightly say that it's worth experiencing to feel good for someone.
Now in my busy work day, I was able to deviate and send this one to all who may likewise feel te way that I feel. "-JT
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Don't you know that I want to be more than just your friend?
Holdin' hands is fine, but I've got better things on my mind
You know it could happen if you'd only see me in a different light
Maybe when we finally get together, you will see that I was right
Say you love me You know that it could be nice
If you'd only say you love me
Don't treat me like I was lice, ooh, woo, woo
Please love me I'll be yours and you'll be mine
If you'd only say you love me, baby
Things would really work out fine
Don't you know that I want to be more than just your friend
Holdin' hands is fine, but I've got better things on my mind
You know it could happen if you'd only see me in a different light
Maybe when we finally get together, you will see that I was right
Say you love me You know that it could be nice
If you'd only say you love me
Don't treat me like I was lice, ooh, woo, woo
Please love me I'll be yours and you'll be mine
If you'd only say you love me, darlin'
Things would really work out fine
Say that you love me Mmm...mmm...ooh...ho...ho...
Say that you love me Mmm...mmm...mmm... Hoo...hoo...baby
Would you say you love me You know that it could be nice
If you'd only say you love me
Don't treat me like I was lice, ooh, woo, woo
Please love me I'll be yours and you'll be mine
If you'd only say you love me, baby
Things would really work out fine
If you'd only say you love me, darlin'
Things would really work out fine
If you'd only say you love me, darlin'
Things would really work out fine
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Reflective Thoughts with a Good Friend
My good friend and I were talking this morning. We were talking about relationships. She was always the playful, not so serious in a relationship as she would claim to me. She would always meet with men and date them and have some intimacy with them. But in the end, she would not take it seriously. For her, it’s not her cup of tea. Is that the term for it? Oh well.
I, for certain was her opposite. I have been in deep, serious war against finding my love. Finding a friend and a partner whom I could share, complement and integrate with is one thing I think is important to me. I’ve been through a lot of interesting encounters with women and men. I don’t deny that fact now, as I am writing this. It’s all basically the same. I have loved and been hurt many times. Sometimes I grew tired and weary. My work, my style has been affected. In the end, I exert some force to move on and go on.
My friend and I, are opposite in our ideas when it comes to dealing with this love thing. I have always encouraged her to try it out seriously. At the same time, she has encouraged me to try it out slowly and don’t rush. By all means, we share those ideas and in a bit fashion we delight with our own experiences.
Just recently, both of us experienced yet another unforgettable encounter, respectively. This time the only difference is the way she, my friend, has thought of her recent encounter. She said to me that she is now somehow ready to consider serious relationship with this man. Or if I understand it right, she said she is 70% sure she likes the man. I’d say in an instant encounter she felt compatibility with this man. I certainly believe that this can happen. Sometimes this kind of setup tends to be the real ones. But I cautioned her as well to take it slowly as she would always tell me.
As she was in her own experience, I also shared with her my recent encounter. As usual my dilemma was the thought of not knowing if the person that I am seeing is really interested in me or was it all just a play? I had this most peculiar encounter with this man and certainly I would really think that this might just be some adventure. But there are just those elements that cannot be seen by the naked eye that I feel or at least I think I can see through.
I certainly know my feeling for this man. I know I like him and I am interested in getting to know him better. But the only reception that I am receiving from him is vague signal that is confusing on my end. I am confuse, maybe I am just being so excited and overly assuming that we do have a connection not just physically but in other aspect of the relationship. Somehow I do want to think it that way. On the other hand, I also think that I am just the one thinking of it that way.
My good friend said that I should just enjoy the moment. Try to get to know the man and just be myself. At this point, I wonder how far can I go? And how interested this man is to me? I like him indeed. I know probably for a fact that he still has some personal things to consider. Can’t he just say, “I like you too, if you’ll wait for me…” Maybe a clear, solid signal that will assure me that I am not lost.
The point is! In a relationship, there are varied circumstances. Communicating your feeling and saying what you mean is one thing. Assuring someone and being honest is another important matter. Being friends first will certainly develop any serious possibility of a deeper relationship, if both parties are willing to cross this line. In having a serious connection, all these will combine.
For my friend and I. I wish us both HAPPINESS and TRUE LOVE in all its definition. Thanks to you for sharing your thoughts to me and as I to you. Thanks to Nur as my friend’s “1/4 Banana Chip” and to Flip as my “Philbox”, for without them we would not feel this good feeling again. Friends or more than that, we all win this round!
I, for certain was her opposite. I have been in deep, serious war against finding my love. Finding a friend and a partner whom I could share, complement and integrate with is one thing I think is important to me. I’ve been through a lot of interesting encounters with women and men. I don’t deny that fact now, as I am writing this. It’s all basically the same. I have loved and been hurt many times. Sometimes I grew tired and weary. My work, my style has been affected. In the end, I exert some force to move on and go on.
My friend and I, are opposite in our ideas when it comes to dealing with this love thing. I have always encouraged her to try it out seriously. At the same time, she has encouraged me to try it out slowly and don’t rush. By all means, we share those ideas and in a bit fashion we delight with our own experiences.
Just recently, both of us experienced yet another unforgettable encounter, respectively. This time the only difference is the way she, my friend, has thought of her recent encounter. She said to me that she is now somehow ready to consider serious relationship with this man. Or if I understand it right, she said she is 70% sure she likes the man. I’d say in an instant encounter she felt compatibility with this man. I certainly believe that this can happen. Sometimes this kind of setup tends to be the real ones. But I cautioned her as well to take it slowly as she would always tell me.
As she was in her own experience, I also shared with her my recent encounter. As usual my dilemma was the thought of not knowing if the person that I am seeing is really interested in me or was it all just a play? I had this most peculiar encounter with this man and certainly I would really think that this might just be some adventure. But there are just those elements that cannot be seen by the naked eye that I feel or at least I think I can see through.
I certainly know my feeling for this man. I know I like him and I am interested in getting to know him better. But the only reception that I am receiving from him is vague signal that is confusing on my end. I am confuse, maybe I am just being so excited and overly assuming that we do have a connection not just physically but in other aspect of the relationship. Somehow I do want to think it that way. On the other hand, I also think that I am just the one thinking of it that way.
My good friend said that I should just enjoy the moment. Try to get to know the man and just be myself. At this point, I wonder how far can I go? And how interested this man is to me? I like him indeed. I know probably for a fact that he still has some personal things to consider. Can’t he just say, “I like you too, if you’ll wait for me…” Maybe a clear, solid signal that will assure me that I am not lost.
The point is! In a relationship, there are varied circumstances. Communicating your feeling and saying what you mean is one thing. Assuring someone and being honest is another important matter. Being friends first will certainly develop any serious possibility of a deeper relationship, if both parties are willing to cross this line. In having a serious connection, all these will combine.
For my friend and I. I wish us both HAPPINESS and TRUE LOVE in all its definition. Thanks to you for sharing your thoughts to me and as I to you. Thanks to Nur as my friend’s “1/4 Banana Chip” and to Flip as my “Philbox”, for without them we would not feel this good feeling again. Friends or more than that, we all win this round!
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Missing mom
I woke up and think of you
I stand from my bed and visualize you
How I miss you still
How sad I become still
When I think of you
Missing you mom
I do, I really do
Missing you “nanay”
I am, I am missing you
Again, I miss you
I head for work in the morning
I am thinking of the day ahead
Can’t help but miss you still
And think of our times together
When I dream of you
Missing you mom
I am in low key now
I miss your care
I miss your love
I miss your tender touch
I am now in the office
Hoping I’ll get by this day
I want you to know…
I miss you
From a distance…
..to where ever you maybe
I love you!
Your son, your one and only, “anak”…Jonathan
I stand from my bed and visualize you
How I miss you still
How sad I become still
When I think of you
Missing you mom
I do, I really do
Missing you “nanay”
I am, I am missing you
Again, I miss you
I head for work in the morning
I am thinking of the day ahead
Can’t help but miss you still
And think of our times together
When I dream of you
Missing you mom
I am in low key now
I miss your care
I miss your love
I miss your tender touch
I am now in the office
Hoping I’ll get by this day
I want you to know…
I miss you
From a distance…
..to where ever you maybe
I love you!
Your son, your one and only, “anak”…Jonathan
Phil box
A box of full of thoughts
A box full of hopes
A man with good aura
A person with smiling heart
A box not empty on the head
A box not so perfect
A man with capabilities
A person that truly holds definition
This box so full of goodies
This box I got the chance to see
I hope to look more inside
I hope the box will open
And hopefully...the box..
this box, this man, this person
Will be the box where I can
Care and share myself with
A box full of hopes
A man with good aura
A person with smiling heart
A box not empty on the head
A box not so perfect
A man with capabilities
A person that truly holds definition
This box so full of goodies
This box I got the chance to see
I hope to look more inside
I hope the box will open
And hopefully...the box..
this box, this man, this person
Will be the box where I can
Care and share myself with
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
With a potential
I fell and got distracted
I cried and ease my pain
I never looked back
I just moved on
I hide and glide
I fly high and set high
When you left
I got tied and I sigh
I got so low big time!
Potentials did came
So much among the crowd
Potentials along my way
I never let them go
So I say, with these potentials I grow
Love life, sex life
These potentials had share
These potentials had claim
They had me and I had them
What a potential feeling it has been!
I hope to seek love
I hope to find light
Experienced forever bliss
and Delight in romance
... with a potential!
I cried and ease my pain
I never looked back
I just moved on
I hide and glide
I fly high and set high
When you left
I got tied and I sigh
I got so low big time!
Potentials did came
So much among the crowd
Potentials along my way
I never let them go
So I say, with these potentials I grow
Love life, sex life
These potentials had share
These potentials had claim
They had me and I had them
What a potential feeling it has been!
I hope to seek love
I hope to find light
Experienced forever bliss
and Delight in romance
... with a potential!
Sex and Love
They say sex is part of human living. They say love conquers all. Sex and love combined is the best thing ever they say. How thrilling this statements can be?
When I was young I learned about playing with myself. Which I think most of us had experienced as we grew up. And only God knows, sometimes we are still doing it when the need arises. Self-sex is the fastest way to get around and feed the carnal desire. It's like a fast food chain that offers milkshake or sundae. SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! VIBRATE! VIBRATE! VIBRATE!
When I was in my younger adult days, I knew very well that potential of having the power to execute the physical act of love, sex! By peer influences, by close relatives, by tv, radio and magazines, I learned it all. I even learned sex from my parents. They taught me well by explaining the risk of having sex due to inappropriate circumstances. That is one heck of a balance, while I learn sex is hot, steamy and oh heaven, I learned that it should come with being a responsible person.
My first sex experience is something I won't forget. Though there was no actual penetration and it was all mere cuddling, and suggestive actions I'd say it was the trigger. After that I never forgot about sex. But I never missed one point along this journey. I also crossed path with love.
I've heard a lot of things about love. It's all good and bad, positive and negative! I thought I won't have to deal with such situation but at one point in my life I had to. Up to now, at certain stages in my life I always deal with love situation. The longing for a serious partner, the need for someone that you'll share your happiness and sadness has triggered me to look for love. The love that is known to many. It is not the filial love, not even the platonic love, but TRUE love with someone!
Sex and love is now combined! Or should I ask, love should come with sex. Is it a rule? Yes it is, I say! But the other question, how to have sex without feeling love but lust alone? This is a different kind of thing for that matter. But it does happen, meaning sex without love!
I have always wondered. It is the mystery of sex and love treated at the same time. I guess in my experiences, I never have fully realized the feeling of love but just the physical connection. Now, I am certain I want someone to share my love with and give up my whole being with. It is definite! It is certain! Too much time I have wasted and too much pain I have experienced. I do hope in the nearest possible time I enjoy both sex and love.
As I write and speak out my thoughts (napag-uusapan lang naman) I want to end this in saying ....
"Sex is inevitable but true love may come as the biggest surprise anyone would never expect in time."
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Enigma
Am I lost in translation or am I just impatient? I need to unfold the things I have planned to do. I do not know if I am doing ok or not.
I am basically in dire need to do and be my best. But I find it so hard to deal with life. Now, at this very moment, I am feeling a bit depress on thinking of what I have yet to achieve.
Before this, I asked for 2 months. And now, 2 months have passed and here I am.
I have started anew and now I am building my blocks. I do not want to think that I am lost. I may be impatient and now in enigmatic mood. This is probably the most logical and sensible explanation I am conditioning myself to hear as I write. Oh whatever!
Oh life is confusing and so mysterious. May HE be able to give me patience and make me stronger as I develop and pursue the various enigma there is to be answered within my journey.
I am basically in dire need to do and be my best. But I find it so hard to deal with life. Now, at this very moment, I am feeling a bit depress on thinking of what I have yet to achieve.
Before this, I asked for 2 months. And now, 2 months have passed and here I am.
I have started anew and now I am building my blocks. I do not want to think that I am lost. I may be impatient and now in enigmatic mood. This is probably the most logical and sensible explanation I am conditioning myself to hear as I write. Oh whatever!
Oh life is confusing and so mysterious. May HE be able to give me patience and make me stronger as I develop and pursue the various enigma there is to be answered within my journey.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Thank You
It's not always everyday we find time to appreciate the things in our life. Thanks you...
...for this day. Although it is raining and the sun isn't shining. I got a good career offer enough to make me feel high and hope for more!
...for my inspiration. I'm in bliss because of you.
...for my father. Although we don't really understand each other at times you have stood by me all the time. You have love our family always. Your rewards will come in time.
...for my cellphone. My connection to the world.
...for my friends, new and old. You all have given me something about yourself enough to charged me with positively teeming life force.
...for my enemies, new and old. You made me stronger.
...for my past loves! Well, what can I say?! I am here now, still alive and have realized my full potential.
...for my nanay. I love you and hopefully someday we meet again.
...for my lola. I love you as well. I miss you.
...for my relatives. They are my constant shadow always keeping me in balance.
...for all the material things I have. It kept me beautiful physically, it enhanced my confidence, it dazed me with extreme passion.
There are lot of things, people, places and events that we can be thankful. This is one good timing to appreciate all of those I mentioned. Life is good!
...for this day. Although it is raining and the sun isn't shining. I got a good career offer enough to make me feel high and hope for more!
...for my inspiration. I'm in bliss because of you.
...for my father. Although we don't really understand each other at times you have stood by me all the time. You have love our family always. Your rewards will come in time.
...for my cellphone. My connection to the world.
...for my friends, new and old. You all have given me something about yourself enough to charged me with positively teeming life force.
...for my enemies, new and old. You made me stronger.
...for my past loves! Well, what can I say?! I am here now, still alive and have realized my full potential.
...for my nanay. I love you and hopefully someday we meet again.
...for my lola. I love you as well. I miss you.
...for my relatives. They are my constant shadow always keeping me in balance.
...for all the material things I have. It kept me beautiful physically, it enhanced my confidence, it dazed me with extreme passion.
There are lot of things, people, places and events that we can be thankful. This is one good timing to appreciate all of those I mentioned. Life is good!
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Out of the blue expression
: When will I get your affection :
I saw you seating on that bench
You were with your partner
I was with a friend
We both say "Hello" and that's all
When will I get your affection
How can I have your heart
You have come into my life
And you filled me again with desire
We are now friends
But more than friends I want us to be
I hope in your heart you see me shining
A small sparkle maybe that will warm you
We grow close and have connected now at times
This feeling inside my heart is total craziness
I keep you company now in your despair
You lost him and now you have me without you knowing
You are my someone, my apple of the eye
When will I get your affection
Capture your mind, your heart and spirit
Tell me, when will I get your affection
I hope soon...
I saw you seating on that bench
You were with your partner
I was with a friend
We both say "Hello" and that's all
When will I get your affection
How can I have your heart
You have come into my life
And you filled me again with desire
We are now friends
But more than friends I want us to be
I hope in your heart you see me shining
A small sparkle maybe that will warm you
We grow close and have connected now at times
This feeling inside my heart is total craziness
I keep you company now in your despair
You lost him and now you have me without you knowing
You are my someone, my apple of the eye
When will I get your affection
Capture your mind, your heart and spirit
Tell me, when will I get your affection
I hope soon...
Monday, July 19, 2004
Out of the blue expression
All I Ask is Two Months
... to pay all my dues
... to seek ways in uplifting my financial losses
... to set my mind again
... to find a better job
... so that I'll be over someone
... so that I can relocate place
... in order for me to rearrange my scrambled life
... to live again
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!
... to pay all my dues
... to seek ways in uplifting my financial losses
... to set my mind again
... to find a better job
... so that I'll be over someone
... so that I can relocate place
... in order for me to rearrange my scrambled life
... to live again
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Out of the blue expression: Career ...
... is only temporary, love it, hate it but never reject it.
The event of the recent past has moved me once again to reflect this time on a higher rationalized level. Primarily this involves my career decision and style.
And so it started…
When I graduated as a Computer Scientist from a reputable state-university coupled with my high academic standing and self-reliance, my entry to the IT industry was quite fast and promising. I thought it was all easy and that so quick. But it was not. It was all just a tip of the big ice berg.
To cut it short, my first 3 years as an IT professional was so full of personal challenges, work challenges and battles. The real world is indeed competitive and you will meet a lot of ambitious people along the way. Good thing, I know how to deal with such kind of atrocities. Nevertheless, as a personal belief I never enjoyed much about the competition or politics going on at work. While it is true that I can play along with the kind of people that I am talking about in this particular writing, I found it so hard to digest why there are people who would be insensitive just to attain their goal in life.
I myself have a lot of ambitions and goals. Those ambitions are my driving force in life but it never occurred in my mind that I should step on other people’s feet just to achieve my goals. For me it was all just a temporary achievement and what ever we would achieve later will be all gone even with just one snap of a finger.
In my fourth year in the working class, I have put up again a solidified career approach. When this year started I was looking forward to a lot of new opportunities laid before my eyes. Aside from my original work experience I have also focus my mind on attaining my ambition to become a full-pledged scriptwriter. All these things put me on excitement as this year entered. I sacrificed my job that time and took the risk of resigning thinking that whatever happens I will survive.
I survived!
The day after I resigned came, it was such a big freedom. I felt am ready to face new opportunities. I focused on my writing career by taking a lot of shot out there which turned out to be all so worth as an experience. In the end, I ended up finding a career still in the IT industry.
The first two months after I resigned was full of challenges. Primarily the challenge was for me to pursue my long-life passion for writing. During those times, I have to be thrifty in everything. I am happy because I know I am doing the right thing, something that I wanted to do a long time ago.
As I survive the challenge, I also realized that if things are not all going the way you want it then I should try to reconsider my other options.
Shifting back
As much as I wanted to pursue writing, I never had the opportunity to cross path with people in that area. There are some few individuals I met but are not that really concentrated on welcoming me to their world. Some discouraging words did affect me. The prime reason is that while it seems many are rewarded in this career, many other writers who tried their best had died poor and was never really given the chance.
And so I have to reconsider going back to the thing that I have already made my marked, that is in the field of IT. It was quite a fruitful come back. There were lots of interviews, exams and calls which proved that I am made and seasoned. It is just a matter of luck, personal choice and divine intervention that I am finally here in my present work as I am writing this small piece.
The idea of writing is still here. The passion for it has grown even bigger. It is only the universal Power that can determine when and where I will write my first script. Right now, I am taking the small steps towards this end goal. I am here learning to do worthy stuff that is my bread and butter so to speak.
Back to the pit!
Going back to the scene again is one thing. This is like a drama on TV, only this is real. In every work, you will find some good and bad people along the way. These people will be the physical representation of your history.
I am glad to have come back to this setup. The social, intelligent, fun and pretentiously witty crowd that composed the same aggregate I encountered in the first three years of my professional work experience are still here and thriving. The only difference this time is that I have learned from my past and so I am much wiser and more mature in dealing with them.
First lesson, smile and say hello! This is one good step to stay in touch with everyone.
Second lesson, always keep an open mind. The mind is like a parachute, it works well when it is wide open. We only have to be careful about the information that our mind will filter. This will affect our decisions along the way.
Third lesson, don’t go on a straight collision with your aggressor. No matter how good your intentions are in fighting for what is right. You should be very careful on hitting the big bad wolf. As much as possible be plain and simple with your moves but be ready anytime.
Fourth lesson, don’t be too attach with everything. Everything here are temporary and you should not indulge yourself much on it. For all you know, these things (work stuffs), these people will not even love you back even if you do the same kind of thing for them.
There are so many lessons learned here. As I write this small piece, ideas keep on coming. If I don’t stop this would probably be as long as the train of Hogwarts.
As a bottom line, career is everything on its own right. It is not permanent. It is not something we should worship. It is something made out of choice, out of need, out of our own inconsistency and out of our wrong and right doings.
“Love live the working class”
The event of the recent past has moved me once again to reflect this time on a higher rationalized level. Primarily this involves my career decision and style.
And so it started…
When I graduated as a Computer Scientist from a reputable state-university coupled with my high academic standing and self-reliance, my entry to the IT industry was quite fast and promising. I thought it was all easy and that so quick. But it was not. It was all just a tip of the big ice berg.
To cut it short, my first 3 years as an IT professional was so full of personal challenges, work challenges and battles. The real world is indeed competitive and you will meet a lot of ambitious people along the way. Good thing, I know how to deal with such kind of atrocities. Nevertheless, as a personal belief I never enjoyed much about the competition or politics going on at work. While it is true that I can play along with the kind of people that I am talking about in this particular writing, I found it so hard to digest why there are people who would be insensitive just to attain their goal in life.
I myself have a lot of ambitions and goals. Those ambitions are my driving force in life but it never occurred in my mind that I should step on other people’s feet just to achieve my goals. For me it was all just a temporary achievement and what ever we would achieve later will be all gone even with just one snap of a finger.
In my fourth year in the working class, I have put up again a solidified career approach. When this year started I was looking forward to a lot of new opportunities laid before my eyes. Aside from my original work experience I have also focus my mind on attaining my ambition to become a full-pledged scriptwriter. All these things put me on excitement as this year entered. I sacrificed my job that time and took the risk of resigning thinking that whatever happens I will survive.
I survived!
The day after I resigned came, it was such a big freedom. I felt am ready to face new opportunities. I focused on my writing career by taking a lot of shot out there which turned out to be all so worth as an experience. In the end, I ended up finding a career still in the IT industry.
The first two months after I resigned was full of challenges. Primarily the challenge was for me to pursue my long-life passion for writing. During those times, I have to be thrifty in everything. I am happy because I know I am doing the right thing, something that I wanted to do a long time ago.
As I survive the challenge, I also realized that if things are not all going the way you want it then I should try to reconsider my other options.
Shifting back
As much as I wanted to pursue writing, I never had the opportunity to cross path with people in that area. There are some few individuals I met but are not that really concentrated on welcoming me to their world. Some discouraging words did affect me. The prime reason is that while it seems many are rewarded in this career, many other writers who tried their best had died poor and was never really given the chance.
And so I have to reconsider going back to the thing that I have already made my marked, that is in the field of IT. It was quite a fruitful come back. There were lots of interviews, exams and calls which proved that I am made and seasoned. It is just a matter of luck, personal choice and divine intervention that I am finally here in my present work as I am writing this small piece.
The idea of writing is still here. The passion for it has grown even bigger. It is only the universal Power that can determine when and where I will write my first script. Right now, I am taking the small steps towards this end goal. I am here learning to do worthy stuff that is my bread and butter so to speak.
Back to the pit!
Going back to the scene again is one thing. This is like a drama on TV, only this is real. In every work, you will find some good and bad people along the way. These people will be the physical representation of your history.
I am glad to have come back to this setup. The social, intelligent, fun and pretentiously witty crowd that composed the same aggregate I encountered in the first three years of my professional work experience are still here and thriving. The only difference this time is that I have learned from my past and so I am much wiser and more mature in dealing with them.
First lesson, smile and say hello! This is one good step to stay in touch with everyone.
Second lesson, always keep an open mind. The mind is like a parachute, it works well when it is wide open. We only have to be careful about the information that our mind will filter. This will affect our decisions along the way.
Third lesson, don’t go on a straight collision with your aggressor. No matter how good your intentions are in fighting for what is right. You should be very careful on hitting the big bad wolf. As much as possible be plain and simple with your moves but be ready anytime.
Fourth lesson, don’t be too attach with everything. Everything here are temporary and you should not indulge yourself much on it. For all you know, these things (work stuffs), these people will not even love you back even if you do the same kind of thing for them.
There are so many lessons learned here. As I write this small piece, ideas keep on coming. If I don’t stop this would probably be as long as the train of Hogwarts.
As a bottom line, career is everything on its own right. It is not permanent. It is not something we should worship. It is something made out of choice, out of need, out of our own inconsistency and out of our wrong and right doings.
“Love live the working class”
Thursday, June 24, 2004
FAST AND FURIOUS
Night outs, gigs and galas
Party, party and party
Work and party
Work and play
I am fast living
I am furious becoming
Spending life
Wasting time
Going wild
I am doing fast
I am growing furious
Sing and dance
Party all night
Drink beer and wine
Go tipsy and wild
Life is fast
Life is furious
Sex without love
Casual endearment
Stereotypical imagery
Unconventional way of living
So fast
So furious
When will all these settle
When will these things go lower
As much as it is good
It is also something bad
Fast days of my life
Furious feelings in my life
Party, party and party
Work and party
Work and play
I am fast living
I am furious becoming
Spending life
Wasting time
Going wild
I am doing fast
I am growing furious
Sing and dance
Party all night
Drink beer and wine
Go tipsy and wild
Life is fast
Life is furious
Sex without love
Casual endearment
Stereotypical imagery
Unconventional way of living
So fast
So furious
When will all these settle
When will these things go lower
As much as it is good
It is also something bad
Fast days of my life
Furious feelings in my life
Seryeng Tagalog (Tagalog Series)
MAHAL PA BA KITA
Ilang linggo na ang lumipas
Naiisip pa din kita
Nagsumpaan walang magbabago
Pero ano ba itong nangyari sa iyo
Ilang linggo na ang lumipas
Ninais ko nang maglayag papalayo sa iyo
Sinabi ko sa aking sarili
Di na kita muling iisipin pa
Ilang linggo na ang lumipas
Bigla kong naisip
Hindi kita magawang limutin
Anong epekto mo sa akin
Ako ngayon ay litung-lito
Maraming beses na akong nangahas
Maraming ulit na akong nagtangka
Ikaw ay iwanan at kalimutan
Pero laging ikaw pa din
Kawawang puso ko, nagdurusa
Mahal pa ba kita
Kaya ako ganito
Mahal pa ba kita
Kaya di ako matuto
Sinabi ko sa sarili
Maling ika'y mahalin
Pilitin ko mang magalit sa iyo
Hindi ko ikaw maiwaglit
Mahal pa ba kita...
Nais ko sanang isipin, hinde na
Nais ko sanang mangyari, huwag na
Mahal pa ba kita, ayoko na!!!
Gusto ko na ng iba!!!
Ilang linggo na ang lumipas
Naiisip pa din kita
Nagsumpaan walang magbabago
Pero ano ba itong nangyari sa iyo
Ilang linggo na ang lumipas
Ninais ko nang maglayag papalayo sa iyo
Sinabi ko sa aking sarili
Di na kita muling iisipin pa
Ilang linggo na ang lumipas
Bigla kong naisip
Hindi kita magawang limutin
Anong epekto mo sa akin
Ako ngayon ay litung-lito
Maraming beses na akong nangahas
Maraming ulit na akong nagtangka
Ikaw ay iwanan at kalimutan
Pero laging ikaw pa din
Kawawang puso ko, nagdurusa
Mahal pa ba kita
Kaya ako ganito
Mahal pa ba kita
Kaya di ako matuto
Sinabi ko sa sarili
Maling ika'y mahalin
Pilitin ko mang magalit sa iyo
Hindi ko ikaw maiwaglit
Mahal pa ba kita...
Nais ko sanang isipin, hinde na
Nais ko sanang mangyari, huwag na
Mahal pa ba kita, ayoko na!!!
Gusto ko na ng iba!!!
Out of the blue expression: 25 years and 10 days later...
Each year that we grow older and wiser is something worth celebrating.
Before I turned 25, I am such a lost soul. (..oh well, that’s how I thought I am… There were lots of things I need to resolve and accept.
When I come to that point of realizing everything, I readily accepted all those things I thought important. In doing so, I gave high hope for me to start all over again. I actually believed that I am going to be much stronger and wiser. All these were true to a point but it was not all worth it and it proved to be so hard to sustain.
When I celebrated my 25th year, I was battling more issues never before raised in front of me. It was such a quick phase and an abrupt pattern that I realize I am only raising up the level of weariness inside me. Life at any give time is almost the same and it was always ready to give you the best and the worst of things.
25 years and 10 days later, I am older. I grew bigger. I transcended higher. And at the same time, I felt am falling behind. I am still attached and have not fully understood the meaning. So many questions were answered but then a couple of issues remain to be answered.
In accepting the truth about me, there was a sense of fulfillment. In facing my enemies and dealing with them, there was a moment of victory. In caring for others, I felt love grow within me. In serving good for others and finding new allies, I am filled with high spirits. All these happenings were not enough for me to get rid of the other side of life I once was trying to forget. I felt rushed, alone, uncertain, afraid and lost still. I have not faced the big picture.
25 years and 10 days later I evolved but I also have not change. Changes don't come in physical form it should also be in varied aspects of mentality, emotion and spirituality. I realized that I have not fulfilled those other aspects.
A good friend of mine once said to me that she admires my maturity and deep thinking ability. It is such an inspiring thing to hear. Knowing that I am still a lad who must learn, achieve and succeed in all the aspects of life itself, this I believe is in preparation of my eternity.
25 years and 10 days later, here I am sitting, contemplating and composing this out of the blue expression. I am just hoping that after this I am going to feel better and a lot stronger again.
Before I turned 25, I am such a lost soul. (..oh well, that’s how I thought I am… There were lots of things I need to resolve and accept.
When I come to that point of realizing everything, I readily accepted all those things I thought important. In doing so, I gave high hope for me to start all over again. I actually believed that I am going to be much stronger and wiser. All these were true to a point but it was not all worth it and it proved to be so hard to sustain.
When I celebrated my 25th year, I was battling more issues never before raised in front of me. It was such a quick phase and an abrupt pattern that I realize I am only raising up the level of weariness inside me. Life at any give time is almost the same and it was always ready to give you the best and the worst of things.
25 years and 10 days later, I am older. I grew bigger. I transcended higher. And at the same time, I felt am falling behind. I am still attached and have not fully understood the meaning. So many questions were answered but then a couple of issues remain to be answered.
In accepting the truth about me, there was a sense of fulfillment. In facing my enemies and dealing with them, there was a moment of victory. In caring for others, I felt love grow within me. In serving good for others and finding new allies, I am filled with high spirits. All these happenings were not enough for me to get rid of the other side of life I once was trying to forget. I felt rushed, alone, uncertain, afraid and lost still. I have not faced the big picture.
25 years and 10 days later I evolved but I also have not change. Changes don't come in physical form it should also be in varied aspects of mentality, emotion and spirituality. I realized that I have not fulfilled those other aspects.
A good friend of mine once said to me that she admires my maturity and deep thinking ability. It is such an inspiring thing to hear. Knowing that I am still a lad who must learn, achieve and succeed in all the aspects of life itself, this I believe is in preparation of my eternity.
25 years and 10 days later, here I am sitting, contemplating and composing this out of the blue expression. I am just hoping that after this I am going to feel better and a lot stronger again.
Tired
I turned a year older
I bounced up and down
Suddenly I am tired
So tired and weary
I have lost an angel
Along the way I stumbled
I faced my life again
So tired and weary
When will I find love
When will I find peace
When will I heal
Am so tired and weary
Friends are there for me
I am here for them
But I am tired
And I am weary
I hope to rest
I feel the need to relax
That's what I should do
Forget about everything...
That's making me tired and weary.
I bounced up and down
Suddenly I am tired
So tired and weary
I have lost an angel
Along the way I stumbled
I faced my life again
So tired and weary
When will I find love
When will I find peace
When will I heal
Am so tired and weary
Friends are there for me
I am here for them
But I am tired
And I am weary
I hope to rest
I feel the need to relax
That's what I should do
Forget about everything...
That's making me tired and weary.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
The Fast Four Days of my Life
I acted in honesty
I got so clamped down
You had my feelings
I had yours but not deep
I don't wanna wave down
I still wanna go higher
Even if I feel bad
Even if I feel down
So fast is the four days of my life
You throw my heart away
I got burned and washed out
How can I redeem myself now?
You're in his arms now
I am basically tossed and turned
You said we're still friends
I said the same thing
To have realized I like you is one thing
To have learned that I care is something
To face my truth is overwhelming
Those were the fast four days of my life
I wonder now, did I make sense?
I wonder now, have I grown?
Yes! I say! Yes! I say!
Days are faster than normal!
I got so clamped down
You had my feelings
I had yours but not deep
I don't wanna wave down
I still wanna go higher
Even if I feel bad
Even if I feel down
So fast is the four days of my life
You throw my heart away
I got burned and washed out
How can I redeem myself now?
You're in his arms now
I am basically tossed and turned
You said we're still friends
I said the same thing
To have realized I like you is one thing
To have learned that I care is something
To face my truth is overwhelming
Those were the fast four days of my life
I wonder now, did I make sense?
I wonder now, have I grown?
Yes! I say! Yes! I say!
Days are faster than normal!
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Today Not Even Tomorrow
I'm approaching my silver year. If I were to sum up all my life I wouldn't know if I have reached my top or not.
In the past years of my life I have come acrossed with many challenges and victories as well. During those moments I consider myself tossed in a moment of life's bliss. Good or bad experiences doesn't really say whether a man is a failure or not.
I thought life was easy when I was younger. Although I was exposed to independence at a young age I was able to make both ends meet. When there is difficulty I rise to the challenge and win! Now, my life is more difficult and complicated. The idea of weathering all life's hardships are mere ideas now. It's becoming more complicated and more frustrating at times.
I am searching for my life. I am probably a late bloomer, a person who lived so much in hiding! I think in a way I also have lived my life in the past and have not fully engaged myself in the present time.
Now is the awakening and the realization of my existence. I thank Him for the love and the extra effort He has given to me. I thank my father and my mother for their love and unconditional support. Thank you for all the men and women that have become part of my existence. It's indeed a hard act to understand all my craziness and impulsive decisions.
In my silver year I hope to come out as somebody new. Somebody with a higher learning and more confidence in his abilities. Somebody who can stand up and really take on anybody. Somebody who will introduce himself as himself without stepping backward because he feels a bit low. All these things will be happening. I have explored my life at a greater height for the past 5 years, I have often think that it was a good experience getting to know myself. It doesn't end here, this is just the beginning. The rise of a new eternal being.
Today not even tomorrow, I will be somebody new. People are there to like me or dislike my guts but that's going to be their problem and not mine.
In the past years of my life I have come acrossed with many challenges and victories as well. During those moments I consider myself tossed in a moment of life's bliss. Good or bad experiences doesn't really say whether a man is a failure or not.
I thought life was easy when I was younger. Although I was exposed to independence at a young age I was able to make both ends meet. When there is difficulty I rise to the challenge and win! Now, my life is more difficult and complicated. The idea of weathering all life's hardships are mere ideas now. It's becoming more complicated and more frustrating at times.
I am searching for my life. I am probably a late bloomer, a person who lived so much in hiding! I think in a way I also have lived my life in the past and have not fully engaged myself in the present time.
Now is the awakening and the realization of my existence. I thank Him for the love and the extra effort He has given to me. I thank my father and my mother for their love and unconditional support. Thank you for all the men and women that have become part of my existence. It's indeed a hard act to understand all my craziness and impulsive decisions.
In my silver year I hope to come out as somebody new. Somebody with a higher learning and more confidence in his abilities. Somebody who can stand up and really take on anybody. Somebody who will introduce himself as himself without stepping backward because he feels a bit low. All these things will be happening. I have explored my life at a greater height for the past 5 years, I have often think that it was a good experience getting to know myself. It doesn't end here, this is just the beginning. The rise of a new eternal being.
Today not even tomorrow, I will be somebody new. People are there to like me or dislike my guts but that's going to be their problem and not mine.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Out of the blue expression : Today and forever ...
It's not always easy to let go of someone you love. It's not easy to let go.
In a not so distant past, I felt again the loving and caring feeling. I thought it was good and hearty. Yet then, I forgot one thing! Our situation, our condition! It's so hard because I can't fight my longings for this person I have learned to love and care about. It's even harder because I don't seem to get the same feeling or affection...
Just one confession here my friend..for a time in my life, I felt ready to face everything. I felt more secure about my stands and beliefs. It was all because of this one hearty creature, a very full of life angel!
"You may have not think about us together, yet I hope we find a way to be in harmony, in twine and in bliss together. "
"I will always keep u here in me! My friend, my love, right now my soul... "
"I won't wait now. I will have to move forward. My feelings are still the same and it has grown stronger. Sorry, I cannot fight for something I am not sure if worth trying or worth fighting. With that I don't deserve your love, your care and your affection. Sorry! :-( I won't look back now but if I do, I hope to find you still right there thinking, looking and welcoming me back into your life...my angel, my truth!"
In a not so distant past, I felt again the loving and caring feeling. I thought it was good and hearty. Yet then, I forgot one thing! Our situation, our condition! It's so hard because I can't fight my longings for this person I have learned to love and care about. It's even harder because I don't seem to get the same feeling or affection...
Just one confession here my friend..for a time in my life, I felt ready to face everything. I felt more secure about my stands and beliefs. It was all because of this one hearty creature, a very full of life angel!
"You may have not think about us together, yet I hope we find a way to be in harmony, in twine and in bliss together. "
"I will always keep u here in me! My friend, my love, right now my soul... "
"I won't wait now. I will have to move forward. My feelings are still the same and it has grown stronger. Sorry, I cannot fight for something I am not sure if worth trying or worth fighting. With that I don't deserve your love, your care and your affection. Sorry! :-( I won't look back now but if I do, I hope to find you still right there thinking, looking and welcoming me back into your life...my angel, my truth!"
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Killing My Feelings
My love for you
Your love not for me
I cannot take this
I long for you
But there is nothing for me
We are good as friends
So let it be
When I hope to love you
I also hope to forget this love for you
And killing my feelings will make it true
I know you think it is stupid
I hope you realize that I am true
I do care for you
I love you
If you don't, it's ok...
I don't want to say goodbye
Because we never really had the chance
You just passed and went by
You are still here inside me
Just don't go permanently
If killing my feelings
Will keep you near me
Then I' be glad to do it
Just be close to me again
Just don't hide and make me feel down
Your love not for me
I cannot take this
I long for you
But there is nothing for me
We are good as friends
So let it be
When I hope to love you
I also hope to forget this love for you
And killing my feelings will make it true
I know you think it is stupid
I hope you realize that I am true
I do care for you
I love you
If you don't, it's ok...
I don't want to say goodbye
Because we never really had the chance
You just passed and went by
You are still here inside me
Just don't go permanently
If killing my feelings
Will keep you near me
Then I' be glad to do it
Just be close to me again
Just don't hide and make me feel down
Out of the blue expression: Today again...
Such a dragging, weakening feeling! I woke up late. I arrived at the office 12PM and yes I got off to a good start. Suddenly, a rush of headache tore me down slowly. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! I hate this feeling.
My head is beating hard. I can feel the pounding beat of a head being ripped with pain.
I can not concentrate and can no longer bear this. What did I do to deserve this pain? Not right now! I cannot afford to miss this time.
It's high enough that I am feeling down these past days. Thanks to my gym workout at least some of my stresses are being release. Yet still I don't want any added trouble. I want to move on and be positively high.
I dream of that day when no more physical pain or emotional downers can tie me down.
My head is beating hard. I can feel the pounding beat of a head being ripped with pain.
I can not concentrate and can no longer bear this. What did I do to deserve this pain? Not right now! I cannot afford to miss this time.
It's high enough that I am feeling down these past days. Thanks to my gym workout at least some of my stresses are being release. Yet still I don't want any added trouble. I want to move on and be positively high.
I dream of that day when no more physical pain or emotional downers can tie me down.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Out of the blue expression : Today and so on .....
Today is not a very inspiring day for me. Why? I don't know. This is one of those days when I feel I just wanted to lay my back and relax.
I am at work right now. But as you see, I am busy with my blog. Hehehe In my dire effort to release the work tension I am feeling I guess this is a good shock absorber.
What on Earth am I here for now? Months ago I made a journey to the unknown and I was displaced on this new place. While it's true that new things can bring new hope, it can also be said that the opposite of it can never be forgotten. It's the balance between good and evil. Hay!
What ever am feeling now is just a simple rebound I guess. I am thinking a lot and have not been in focus because of that. Nevertheless, it's always challenging to note that such kind of feeling will always make you reflect on what is happening in your life. I must learn to continue with life and not cling much to the things going around my circle.
...and so on!!!!!
I am at work right now. But as you see, I am busy with my blog. Hehehe In my dire effort to release the work tension I am feeling I guess this is a good shock absorber.
What on Earth am I here for now? Months ago I made a journey to the unknown and I was displaced on this new place. While it's true that new things can bring new hope, it can also be said that the opposite of it can never be forgotten. It's the balance between good and evil. Hay!
What ever am feeling now is just a simple rebound I guess. I am thinking a lot and have not been in focus because of that. Nevertheless, it's always challenging to note that such kind of feeling will always make you reflect on what is happening in your life. I must learn to continue with life and not cling much to the things going around my circle.
...and so on!!!!!
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Out of the blue expression: Guardian or Passers By
I have a friend who once asked me if I ever felt the urge to go away and never come back from the usual way of life I have right now. My answer to her was yes. I did felt that way a couple of times and have been feeling it still from time to time. I would presume that all of us feel the same way.
I have another good friend who dared to do his own thing and face life as it comes his way. I admire him for that. He has opened my eyes to every possibility that there is. I learned to think in a more meaningful way liked I would assume he did.
Two different people in my life, with two different view of life but pretty much the same longing or need. How convenient that is for me being in the middle of it all? Seeing them and observing, I learned to pick up some good points along the way. I learned to deal with the things around me in a more composed way.
We all have our friends, buds, acquaintances and loved ones to cling on to when we are in dire need of life support. I came to a point in life when I thought I almost do not have someone. God was good to give me to someone back then. This person brought me to life. Her inspiring moods and soft way of bringing me to light was such a gesture. It was not long though, I had to end it for some good and bad reason.
After her, I became more confident and have long for more possibilities that I can afford or not. That longing was not totally physical but emotional and spiritual in nature as well.
I soon found out more about myself. My questions on why, where and how things are going to be were answered. I met new people as well as old people in my life. They all are coming back while some are just showing up to my sleeves. God has surely made a way for me to seek my answers to all of my questions. These people have become the guardian and passers by of my life.
The greatest guardian ever was God. I asked Him to come with me on this journey. I requested Him to give the needs that I would have to come across with as I prepare to come up with an acceptable term for my life right now. I asked and told Him I need to cross the line so that I could see the other facets of life. I know He has permitted me. I am still not in harmony with my crossover because I have not really solved the mystery. I am still just starting to wander around. I asked Him to bear with me. In my dire effort to seek question He has permitted me to come face to face with someone. My Guardian is good to let me be myself with this person.
Who is this person? This person is my key I would say. The connection was years back but the reconnection happened again certainly. This person was the living testimony that He gave me, I am certain about it. I just do not understand why I have to feel the attachment to this special person. I just happened to know that I got so much to learn from this heaven sent creature that I regarded to be an inspiration and an indication I should not fear life and be bold.
Could it be at some point there are guardians or passers by given to us? As God is the greatest Guardian, could there be people who would bring changes to us and serve as a guardian or passers by in our lives? Up to what extent? I am afraid now that I have grown attached with this earthly dust. My guardian or passers by, I certainly hope to keep the connection, be touched or loved in anyway.
I have another good friend who dared to do his own thing and face life as it comes his way. I admire him for that. He has opened my eyes to every possibility that there is. I learned to think in a more meaningful way liked I would assume he did.
Two different people in my life, with two different view of life but pretty much the same longing or need. How convenient that is for me being in the middle of it all? Seeing them and observing, I learned to pick up some good points along the way. I learned to deal with the things around me in a more composed way.
We all have our friends, buds, acquaintances and loved ones to cling on to when we are in dire need of life support. I came to a point in life when I thought I almost do not have someone. God was good to give me to someone back then. This person brought me to life. Her inspiring moods and soft way of bringing me to light was such a gesture. It was not long though, I had to end it for some good and bad reason.
After her, I became more confident and have long for more possibilities that I can afford or not. That longing was not totally physical but emotional and spiritual in nature as well.
I soon found out more about myself. My questions on why, where and how things are going to be were answered. I met new people as well as old people in my life. They all are coming back while some are just showing up to my sleeves. God has surely made a way for me to seek my answers to all of my questions. These people have become the guardian and passers by of my life.
The greatest guardian ever was God. I asked Him to come with me on this journey. I requested Him to give the needs that I would have to come across with as I prepare to come up with an acceptable term for my life right now. I asked and told Him I need to cross the line so that I could see the other facets of life. I know He has permitted me. I am still not in harmony with my crossover because I have not really solved the mystery. I am still just starting to wander around. I asked Him to bear with me. In my dire effort to seek question He has permitted me to come face to face with someone. My Guardian is good to let me be myself with this person.
Who is this person? This person is my key I would say. The connection was years back but the reconnection happened again certainly. This person was the living testimony that He gave me, I am certain about it. I just do not understand why I have to feel the attachment to this special person. I just happened to know that I got so much to learn from this heaven sent creature that I regarded to be an inspiration and an indication I should not fear life and be bold.
Could it be at some point there are guardians or passers by given to us? As God is the greatest Guardian, could there be people who would bring changes to us and serve as a guardian or passers by in our lives? Up to what extent? I am afraid now that I have grown attached with this earthly dust. My guardian or passers by, I certainly hope to keep the connection, be touched or loved in anyway.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Me and You
It’s the way we make love
It’s the way you make me fall into you
It’s the way you make me feel good
It’s the way you make me smile
It’s the way you faced your life
It’s the way you opened up to me
It’s the way you trusted me
It’s the way you remembered me
It’s all about you
That I have started to like
It’s all about me and you
That I have start to asked
If I felt good being with you
Then is it possible that we may connect more
If you felt that way too
Then why don’t we go through it once more
This time, me and you
This time, just us
Me and you
Until we make it through
It’s the way you make me fall into you
It’s the way you make me feel good
It’s the way you make me smile
It’s the way you faced your life
It’s the way you opened up to me
It’s the way you trusted me
It’s the way you remembered me
It’s all about you
That I have started to like
It’s all about me and you
That I have start to asked
If I felt good being with you
Then is it possible that we may connect more
If you felt that way too
Then why don’t we go through it once more
This time, me and you
This time, just us
Me and you
Until we make it through
I would like to ask you
I would like to ask you
Do I fit into your heart?
Do I make a wave into your mind?
Do you ever think of me in such special way?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think you know that I care for you
I think you know that I like you
I think you know that I want you
It is only you at this point
It is only you at all point
I would like to ask you
Do I make sense with you?
Do I make you feel secure?
Do I make you feel happy?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think I need to know
I think I should know
I think I am entitled to be informed
Where do we go?
Is there a future or …
Should we just keep it low?
I would like to ask you all these
Please let me know.
Do I fit into your heart?
Do I make a wave into your mind?
Do you ever think of me in such special way?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think you know that I care for you
I think you know that I like you
I think you know that I want you
It is only you at this point
It is only you at all point
I would like to ask you
Do I make sense with you?
Do I make you feel secure?
Do I make you feel happy?
I need to know
Because I am dying inside
I think I need to know
I think I should know
I think I am entitled to be informed
Where do we go?
Is there a future or …
Should we just keep it low?
I would like to ask you all these
Please let me know.
SERYENG TAGALOG (The Tagalog Series)
IDEYA NG PAGMAMAHAL
Hindi ko kailanman naisip na magagawa ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko madalas gawin sa buhay ko para sa ibang tao. Ngunit ng muling umawit ang aking damdaming yukod sa mainit na kaisipan ng salitang “PAGMAMAHAL” ay muli akong nahulog sa mundo ng walang katapusang saya, sakripisyo, pagbibigay at pagtitiis.
Magpahanggang ngayon hinde ko alam bakit ganito ang pakiramdam ko sa isang tao na masasabi kong naging malaking bahagi na ng aking katauhan. Sana nga lamang ay nababasa niya ito ngayon, sadyang alay para sa kanya at labis kong ikasisiya na malaman niya ang aking naiisip ukol sa aming dalawa.
Mahirap magbakasali sa isang relasyon lalo pa kung sa unang bahagi ng aspetong ito ay masasabi ayos naman ang lahat at walang pressure sa parehong panig. Ngunit kung minsan ang kaduwagan sa hinde pagharap sa tunay mong nararamdaman para sa iyong mahal ay higit na nakakalason sa sarili, sa pakiramdam, sa isipan. Minsan parang mas mainam pang malaman mo agad kung hanggang saan lamang kayo maaaring maging kayo, hinde ba?
Ang ideya ng pagmamahal ay isang malawak na paksa na matagal at paulit ulit ng tinatalakay ng sangkatauhan. Sari-saring kaisipan, kalagayan at katangian ng pagmamahal na ang ating narinig mula ng tayo ay mabuhay. Ang ideya ng pag-ibig ay hinde madaling maunawaan. Kung minsan iyon na pala ang pagmamahal pero hinde pa din natin nakikita or nadadama ito.
Sa buhay ko ngayon isa lang ang tiyak ko. Masarap at masakit ang magmahal. Masarap kasi gusto mo ang mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa iyong mahal kahit ito pa ay hinde ayon sa pamayanan. Masarap dahil naroroon ang tinatawag na “sacrifice in the name of love”. Sa isang marahas na kataga ito ay matatawag din na kabaliwan sa pag-ibig! Ang magmahal ay masakit din lalo pa kung ang inuukol mong pagtangi ay hinde binigyan ng sapat na atensyon ng iyong inaasam na kabiyak. Masakit dahil hinde ka niya man lamang nabigyan ng puwang. Kung mayroon man, ito ay hinde para maging pagmamahal na higit pa sa pagkakaibigan. Ang sakit hinde ba?
Sa buhay ko ngayon may natatangi sa puso ko. Subalit ayokong isipin kung anuman ang naghihintay. Minsan nababaliw ako sa pag-iisip na baka hinde naman niya nararamdaman ang gaya ng aking pakiramdam ngayon sa kanya. Minsan din, nais ko na siyang tanungin pero wala akong lakas. Ang aking relasyon sa kanya ay hinde tiyak. Ito ay dahil na rin siguro sa walang effort na nanggagaling sa isa’t –isa para kahit paano maging bukas kami sa mas malalim na posibilidad ng isang relasyong higit pa sa pisikal, emosyonal, mental at spiritwal na katotohanan.
Ang ideya na baka “in-love” ako sa posibilidad na maging kami ay hinde ko isinasantabi. Minsan nagkakaroon ng malaking diperensya ang ideya ng pagiging “in-love” at ang ideya ng tunay na pagbibigay ng pagmamahal.
Tinatanong ko ang aking sarili. Ako ba ay saan ngayon nakatayo sa dalawang sanga na ito ng buhay ko? Handa ba ako talaga na sumubok sa aming relasyon? Handa ba akong tanggapin ang lahat-lahat? Hanggang kalian kaya ako magiging matiyaga para sa kanya? Naiinip ka na ba? May pagtangi kaya siya sa akin kahit kaunti o wala naman pala talaga kahit katiting? Ang dami kong tanong, sana masagot kong lahat ito ng tama? Matutulungan kaya niya akong sagutin ito para sa aming dalawa…ideya ng aming pagmamahalan, ano kaya talaga?
Hindi ko kailanman naisip na magagawa ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko madalas gawin sa buhay ko para sa ibang tao. Ngunit ng muling umawit ang aking damdaming yukod sa mainit na kaisipan ng salitang “PAGMAMAHAL” ay muli akong nahulog sa mundo ng walang katapusang saya, sakripisyo, pagbibigay at pagtitiis.
Magpahanggang ngayon hinde ko alam bakit ganito ang pakiramdam ko sa isang tao na masasabi kong naging malaking bahagi na ng aking katauhan. Sana nga lamang ay nababasa niya ito ngayon, sadyang alay para sa kanya at labis kong ikasisiya na malaman niya ang aking naiisip ukol sa aming dalawa.
Mahirap magbakasali sa isang relasyon lalo pa kung sa unang bahagi ng aspetong ito ay masasabi ayos naman ang lahat at walang pressure sa parehong panig. Ngunit kung minsan ang kaduwagan sa hinde pagharap sa tunay mong nararamdaman para sa iyong mahal ay higit na nakakalason sa sarili, sa pakiramdam, sa isipan. Minsan parang mas mainam pang malaman mo agad kung hanggang saan lamang kayo maaaring maging kayo, hinde ba?
Ang ideya ng pagmamahal ay isang malawak na paksa na matagal at paulit ulit ng tinatalakay ng sangkatauhan. Sari-saring kaisipan, kalagayan at katangian ng pagmamahal na ang ating narinig mula ng tayo ay mabuhay. Ang ideya ng pag-ibig ay hinde madaling maunawaan. Kung minsan iyon na pala ang pagmamahal pero hinde pa din natin nakikita or nadadama ito.
Sa buhay ko ngayon isa lang ang tiyak ko. Masarap at masakit ang magmahal. Masarap kasi gusto mo ang mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa iyong mahal kahit ito pa ay hinde ayon sa pamayanan. Masarap dahil naroroon ang tinatawag na “sacrifice in the name of love”. Sa isang marahas na kataga ito ay matatawag din na kabaliwan sa pag-ibig! Ang magmahal ay masakit din lalo pa kung ang inuukol mong pagtangi ay hinde binigyan ng sapat na atensyon ng iyong inaasam na kabiyak. Masakit dahil hinde ka niya man lamang nabigyan ng puwang. Kung mayroon man, ito ay hinde para maging pagmamahal na higit pa sa pagkakaibigan. Ang sakit hinde ba?
Sa buhay ko ngayon may natatangi sa puso ko. Subalit ayokong isipin kung anuman ang naghihintay. Minsan nababaliw ako sa pag-iisip na baka hinde naman niya nararamdaman ang gaya ng aking pakiramdam ngayon sa kanya. Minsan din, nais ko na siyang tanungin pero wala akong lakas. Ang aking relasyon sa kanya ay hinde tiyak. Ito ay dahil na rin siguro sa walang effort na nanggagaling sa isa’t –isa para kahit paano maging bukas kami sa mas malalim na posibilidad ng isang relasyong higit pa sa pisikal, emosyonal, mental at spiritwal na katotohanan.
Ang ideya na baka “in-love” ako sa posibilidad na maging kami ay hinde ko isinasantabi. Minsan nagkakaroon ng malaking diperensya ang ideya ng pagiging “in-love” at ang ideya ng tunay na pagbibigay ng pagmamahal.
Tinatanong ko ang aking sarili. Ako ba ay saan ngayon nakatayo sa dalawang sanga na ito ng buhay ko? Handa ba ako talaga na sumubok sa aming relasyon? Handa ba akong tanggapin ang lahat-lahat? Hanggang kalian kaya ako magiging matiyaga para sa kanya? Naiinip ka na ba? May pagtangi kaya siya sa akin kahit kaunti o wala naman pala talaga kahit katiting? Ang dami kong tanong, sana masagot kong lahat ito ng tama? Matutulungan kaya niya akong sagutin ito para sa aming dalawa…ideya ng aming pagmamahalan, ano kaya talaga?
Friday, March 26, 2004
Unknowingly
It was the best day
And it was the worst day
I fell for you
Unknowingly
I can’t explain it
This feeling was good
But it was not great
Unknowingly
I was not expecting this
But you came
You conquered my emotions
Unknowingly
We had a good time spent together
I dared got crazy over you
Did you feel that way too?
Unknowingly
Now am asking if this is good
I don't know if I should ask you
Yet I hope you be more open
So I could be in tune again…
And it was the worst day
I fell for you
Unknowingly
I can’t explain it
This feeling was good
But it was not great
Unknowingly
I was not expecting this
But you came
You conquered my emotions
Unknowingly
We had a good time spent together
I dared got crazy over you
Did you feel that way too?
Unknowingly
Now am asking if this is good
I don't know if I should ask you
Yet I hope you be more open
So I could be in tune again…
Sunday, March 07, 2004
SERYENG TAGALOG (The Tagalog Series)
TADHANA
Isang araw na lang nagising ka, iba ang pakiramdam mo. Isang pagkakataon ang di mo inaasahang darating sa iyong buhay. Malungkot ka, galing ka sa isang masalimuot na bahagi ng iyong buhay.
Ngunit sa kabilang banda, sa isang di naman kalayuang nakaraan. Gawa ng isang gawaing inakala mong mali ay mabubuhay ang usbong ng tadhana. Sa iyong pagyao sa hinaharap ay may mga epektong magaganap na nakaayon sa ginawa mo mula sa di kalayuang nakaraan.
Lahat tayo sa ating mahal na buhay ay dumaan sa mga karanasan, pangit o maganda man. Lahat ay nag-iwan ng isang marka na tanging ikaw lang ang makakapagsabi kung ito’y pawang ayon sa iyong kagustuhan o hindi.
Tanda ko, sa aking buhay mga ilang taon na ang dumaraan. Mga halos mag-aapat na taon na kung aking bibilanging talaga may nakilala akong tao na naging bahagi ng buhay ko.
Wala ako sa kapangyarihan para ihayag ko ang lahat subalit ito’y ayon lamang sa aking gagawing paglalahad.
Minsan sa buhay natin ay dumadaan tayo sa bahaging may hinahanap-hanap tayo at gustong patunayan sa sarili. Sa di inaasahang pagkakataon ay nahahanap natin ang sagot sa mga nakakasalamuha, nakikilala at nakikita natin sa ating paligid.
Ang aking naging karanasan sa taong ito. Ang aking naging relasyon sa taong ito ay masasabing isang mabilisan, hindi inaasahan. Gayunpaman, sa buhay minsan lang tayo makakatagpo ng tao na may iiwang marka sa iyo, sa iyong sariling pagkatao. At pakiwari mo ba’y nasa kanya ang mga tanong na bumabagabag sa iyo. Hindi ba tama?
Minsan ang taong hindi mo inaaakalang siya palang magbibigay ng malaking impluwensya o epekto sa iyo ang siyang dumadating. Masasabi ko ganito ang nangyari sa akin. Pero sadyang malupit ang pagkakataon, sapagkat hindi lahat ng nais mo ay ibinibigay niya. Sa madaling salita, siya na naging espesyal sa buhay ko ay nawala, umalis, nagpakalayo-layo.
Wala kaming pormal na sistema kung iisipin pero ako ay marahil umaasa na mapagwagian ko ang simpatya at tiwala niya. Bagay na sa aking pakiwari ay nagawa ko naman. Subalit sadyang para sa kanya noong mga panahong iyon ay tila marahil ako’y hangin lang na dumaan sa kanyang buhay.
Subalit ang hangin pala ay bumabalik, umiikot lang.
Minsan sa isang araw ng aking buhay bumalik ang pagkakataon. Nagkita kami. Akala ko nga ay limot niya na ako. Akala ko nga hinde na niya ako mapapansin pa. Pinutol ko na din kasi ang tanging naging ugnayan naming sa loob ng halos apat na taon ng buhay ko, ang cell phone number kong luma. Nang magpalit ako ng numero ay hindi na ako nag-abala pang ipabatid sa kanya na may bagong numero na ako. Bakit? Ito’y sa kadahilanang dumating ako sa punto sa loob ng 4 na taong dumaan na nabatid kong hinde siya ganoong naging ka-interesado sa akin upang maging seryoso or sadyang kahit maging magkaibigan lang kami.
Sa loob ng apat na taon maraming nangyari sa buhay naming dalawa. Namuhay ng hiwalay at nagkaroon ng iba-ibang pinagkakaabalahan kumbaga. Hanggang dumating ang araw na muli, sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon ay nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataong magkausap na muli.
Ang pag-uusap ay sadyang biglaan at wala sa hinagap namin. Lungkot? Pangungulila? Paghahanap ng kausap? Kasabikan? Ilan lamang marahil sa mga dahilang maaaring ikabit sa aming muling pagkikita. Hindi na naman pinag-usapan kung ano nga bang nagtulak sa amin sa isa’t –isa para muling magkita.
Ang alam ko, nagkasundo kaming magkikita. Mahabang kwentuhan, pagbabalik sa nakaraan, pag-iisip sa kasalukuyan, intelektuwal na usapan hanggang sa isang pisikal na koneksyon. Lahat ng iyan, naulit, nangyari pero sa pagkakataong ito alam ko mas kapana-panabik. At sa pagkakataong ito higit naming kilala kahit paano ang ugali ng isa’t-isa.
Mabait siya at masarap kausap, matalino at matapang humarap sa buhay. Bilib nga ako sa kanya, isa siyang halimbawa para sa akin. Hindi ko nga lang nasabi sa kanya ito ng harapan. Sa kung anong dahilan, kahit pa kami ay magkakilala na ng matagal ay marami pa ding hindi nasasagot na tanong.
Sa buhay ko ngayon, masasabi kong nanatili siya sa akin. Sabi niya ako din daw naman sa kanya, pero duwag akong alamin kung anong antas. SA akin, alam kong minsan sa nagdaan panahon napag-isipan kong maaaring siya at kung hinde man ay karapat-dapat itago bilang isang matalik na kaibigan.
Natapos ang araw na aming muli pagkikita at pagsasama. Marahil sa ilang buwang nakalipas ng buhay kong magulo, nakaramdam ako muli ng seguridad at di ko naiwasang muling mag-isip kung pede ko bang ibukas ang pagkakataon ito. Sa isang relasyon. Handa na ba ako? Kung hinde man sa kanya ay sa iba?
Hindi namin pinag-usapan ito. Walang pangako, walang garantiya kung kelan muli at kung paano nga ba kami. Hindi din kasi ako matapang, at siya marahil ay hinde ang tipong mauunang magsalita, o kaya sadyang para sa kanya ay hanggang ditto na lang muna.
Isang simpleng hiling lang ang aking nasabi sa kanya, “…You told me kanina na di ka na gaya ng dati. Sana nga true..Di ko alam what brought us back last night. But am sure am glad to reconnect with you. Here’s hoping you will never walk far away like you did before...”
Isang simpleng tugon lang ang aking natanggap, “Don’t worry I won’t.” Sapat na marahil para mapanatag akong di na kami magkakalimutan ng sobrang kaytagal.
Tadhana ang nagsabi marahil at karanasan ang bumuhay at pagkakataon ang nagpatibay. Lahat tayo ay mga butil ng buhangin sa dagat na inaanod ng tubig , dumadanas ng buhay at sa bawat ginawa natin ang tadhana ay nakaguhit sa isang maayos na pagkakatahi ng buhay. Gaya niya at ako, nagsalubong ang landas, nagkalayo, at muling nagkita.
Tadhana kaya ang nagsabi?
Isang araw na lang nagising ka, iba ang pakiramdam mo. Isang pagkakataon ang di mo inaasahang darating sa iyong buhay. Malungkot ka, galing ka sa isang masalimuot na bahagi ng iyong buhay.
Ngunit sa kabilang banda, sa isang di naman kalayuang nakaraan. Gawa ng isang gawaing inakala mong mali ay mabubuhay ang usbong ng tadhana. Sa iyong pagyao sa hinaharap ay may mga epektong magaganap na nakaayon sa ginawa mo mula sa di kalayuang nakaraan.
Lahat tayo sa ating mahal na buhay ay dumaan sa mga karanasan, pangit o maganda man. Lahat ay nag-iwan ng isang marka na tanging ikaw lang ang makakapagsabi kung ito’y pawang ayon sa iyong kagustuhan o hindi.
Tanda ko, sa aking buhay mga ilang taon na ang dumaraan. Mga halos mag-aapat na taon na kung aking bibilanging talaga may nakilala akong tao na naging bahagi ng buhay ko.
Wala ako sa kapangyarihan para ihayag ko ang lahat subalit ito’y ayon lamang sa aking gagawing paglalahad.
Minsan sa buhay natin ay dumadaan tayo sa bahaging may hinahanap-hanap tayo at gustong patunayan sa sarili. Sa di inaasahang pagkakataon ay nahahanap natin ang sagot sa mga nakakasalamuha, nakikilala at nakikita natin sa ating paligid.
Ang aking naging karanasan sa taong ito. Ang aking naging relasyon sa taong ito ay masasabing isang mabilisan, hindi inaasahan. Gayunpaman, sa buhay minsan lang tayo makakatagpo ng tao na may iiwang marka sa iyo, sa iyong sariling pagkatao. At pakiwari mo ba’y nasa kanya ang mga tanong na bumabagabag sa iyo. Hindi ba tama?
Minsan ang taong hindi mo inaaakalang siya palang magbibigay ng malaking impluwensya o epekto sa iyo ang siyang dumadating. Masasabi ko ganito ang nangyari sa akin. Pero sadyang malupit ang pagkakataon, sapagkat hindi lahat ng nais mo ay ibinibigay niya. Sa madaling salita, siya na naging espesyal sa buhay ko ay nawala, umalis, nagpakalayo-layo.
Wala kaming pormal na sistema kung iisipin pero ako ay marahil umaasa na mapagwagian ko ang simpatya at tiwala niya. Bagay na sa aking pakiwari ay nagawa ko naman. Subalit sadyang para sa kanya noong mga panahong iyon ay tila marahil ako’y hangin lang na dumaan sa kanyang buhay.
Subalit ang hangin pala ay bumabalik, umiikot lang.
Minsan sa isang araw ng aking buhay bumalik ang pagkakataon. Nagkita kami. Akala ko nga ay limot niya na ako. Akala ko nga hinde na niya ako mapapansin pa. Pinutol ko na din kasi ang tanging naging ugnayan naming sa loob ng halos apat na taon ng buhay ko, ang cell phone number kong luma. Nang magpalit ako ng numero ay hindi na ako nag-abala pang ipabatid sa kanya na may bagong numero na ako. Bakit? Ito’y sa kadahilanang dumating ako sa punto sa loob ng 4 na taong dumaan na nabatid kong hinde siya ganoong naging ka-interesado sa akin upang maging seryoso or sadyang kahit maging magkaibigan lang kami.
Sa loob ng apat na taon maraming nangyari sa buhay naming dalawa. Namuhay ng hiwalay at nagkaroon ng iba-ibang pinagkakaabalahan kumbaga. Hanggang dumating ang araw na muli, sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon ay nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataong magkausap na muli.
Ang pag-uusap ay sadyang biglaan at wala sa hinagap namin. Lungkot? Pangungulila? Paghahanap ng kausap? Kasabikan? Ilan lamang marahil sa mga dahilang maaaring ikabit sa aming muling pagkikita. Hindi na naman pinag-usapan kung ano nga bang nagtulak sa amin sa isa’t –isa para muling magkita.
Ang alam ko, nagkasundo kaming magkikita. Mahabang kwentuhan, pagbabalik sa nakaraan, pag-iisip sa kasalukuyan, intelektuwal na usapan hanggang sa isang pisikal na koneksyon. Lahat ng iyan, naulit, nangyari pero sa pagkakataong ito alam ko mas kapana-panabik. At sa pagkakataong ito higit naming kilala kahit paano ang ugali ng isa’t-isa.
Mabait siya at masarap kausap, matalino at matapang humarap sa buhay. Bilib nga ako sa kanya, isa siyang halimbawa para sa akin. Hindi ko nga lang nasabi sa kanya ito ng harapan. Sa kung anong dahilan, kahit pa kami ay magkakilala na ng matagal ay marami pa ding hindi nasasagot na tanong.
Sa buhay ko ngayon, masasabi kong nanatili siya sa akin. Sabi niya ako din daw naman sa kanya, pero duwag akong alamin kung anong antas. SA akin, alam kong minsan sa nagdaan panahon napag-isipan kong maaaring siya at kung hinde man ay karapat-dapat itago bilang isang matalik na kaibigan.
Natapos ang araw na aming muli pagkikita at pagsasama. Marahil sa ilang buwang nakalipas ng buhay kong magulo, nakaramdam ako muli ng seguridad at di ko naiwasang muling mag-isip kung pede ko bang ibukas ang pagkakataon ito. Sa isang relasyon. Handa na ba ako? Kung hinde man sa kanya ay sa iba?
Hindi namin pinag-usapan ito. Walang pangako, walang garantiya kung kelan muli at kung paano nga ba kami. Hindi din kasi ako matapang, at siya marahil ay hinde ang tipong mauunang magsalita, o kaya sadyang para sa kanya ay hanggang ditto na lang muna.
Isang simpleng hiling lang ang aking nasabi sa kanya, “…You told me kanina na di ka na gaya ng dati. Sana nga true..Di ko alam what brought us back last night. But am sure am glad to reconnect with you. Here’s hoping you will never walk far away like you did before...”
Isang simpleng tugon lang ang aking natanggap, “Don’t worry I won’t.” Sapat na marahil para mapanatag akong di na kami magkakalimutan ng sobrang kaytagal.
Tadhana ang nagsabi marahil at karanasan ang bumuhay at pagkakataon ang nagpatibay. Lahat tayo ay mga butil ng buhangin sa dagat na inaanod ng tubig , dumadanas ng buhay at sa bawat ginawa natin ang tadhana ay nakaguhit sa isang maayos na pagkakatahi ng buhay. Gaya niya at ako, nagsalubong ang landas, nagkalayo, at muling nagkita.
Tadhana kaya ang nagsabi?
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
A Lesson in Patience and Tolerance
My good friend, Mr. JR once told me,” What can I say? That it takes all kinds to make a world? That what people perpetuate in fancy and grandstanding speeches do not necessarily reflect who they are?
A little lesson in patience, my friend...and tolerance. If you feel your boss embodies a sickening duality, then that HIS problem. No act of pretense can last forever, you know. What is important is that you focus on what you truly want and channel your energies to the fulfillment of your ambitions…lofty or otherwise. We cannot simply surround ourselves with ONLY PEOPLE we choose to like. That is not the way of the world.”
Those beautiful words are not always slammed into your very face each day of your life right? But for me it was one of the many inspiring advices I’ve heard regarding patience.
For a while now, I’ve worked with an individual whom I discovered to be just like any others. Yet he claims he’s perfect and Godly. What a sin to heaven?!
I am in no liberty to discuss his name. He’s a big influential person. He has connections to the high official of this land. His personality to them was good, extraordinary and excellent. But of course, that’s how they knew him in social gatherings, events and functions.
I got the chance to work with him. In that span of time, I learned his other nature to be impatient, inconsiderate, overly perfectionists and will shout at you if you commit even a slight mistake. This guy is sick I thought to myself. I got so disappointed because that was really different from how I first knew him. After weeks of being with him, he started to act strangely and I know something is wrong. I never imagined that his strange character will be cast upon me.
I adored him for a time yet it all changed at one snap. I tried to reason it to myself maybe he’s just pressured. So I continued with my work and duties, setting aside the emotional turmoil that I was already feeling that time. He has not change from the time he has shown me his other side. At first, I did not want to be affected with his attitude. I tried to be more objective about it to the point I felt am justifying his inconsistent behavior, sacrificing my own beliefs on fair and equality among beings.
I grew quite tired as days went by and my stress hormone was in saturation all over my body. So I knew I have to go. I tried to talk with him, but I did not get a very positive response. He did not want me to go, because according to him we have a verbal agreement and that my word of honor is at stake.
I told him that is why I want to talk with him so we can meet in the middle? Isn’t that right? But he did not allow it.
I then have to formalize my goodbye by giving him a letter which when I handed he readily set aside and pretend nothing happened. Yet I know when I left him, he has read it. Why? It is because during that day that I gave him the letter, he has directly tried to accuse me of work inconsistencies which did not happen in my first few days with him. I knew he was trying to make me angry or speak back at him which I did not. I wrote again a letter explaining my side and already stating my last will about my works with him. That was it, the last word I said to him was “God bless.”
Later on, I learned that prior to me he had employed other staffs that did not stay long like me. So I guess there must something wrong with him. He is not even in good terms with his relatives as I know.
Behind all his honors that will fade with time, is a man not perfect. It is very disappointing to note that such grandstanding image emanates a blur aura of emotional hurts or setbacks. That is being inflicted on innocent people surrounding him.
A little patience and tolerance like my friend Mr. JR told me. And I’d say compassion as well. On that note, I was thinking if I have learned patience and tolerance or did I lose it and have succumbed. What about my self-respect, confidence that is slowly bursting away because of the harsh spoken words thrown just to disgrace me, the million “other Filipinos” he is pertaining to, the type of school where I came from?
I learned that patience and tolerance is earned and incurred in that experience of mine. Although I have spoken back at him at times, I know I was just stating a fact. A man is tamed only if he allows it to happen.
What most big time people do not realize is that God molded us in different patterns. They cannot change the world but we change can start with themselves in time. God did not dictate to His people to change overtime which powerful people on this planet acting like God wants to do to the average being. While it is true that many people choose to live a low life, it is not a good barometer of their totality that they are lesser, unfortunate or animal likes. This is also true to those people that live and have achieved high but are not exactly the type of high class individual they try to convey with others around them. It will take a great amount of understanding to love each others individuality. I have read before in a book of highly effective living that each must try to understand each other that is, exert tolerance so to speak. It will help in your excursion on this Earth.
Patience is a virtue. I have heard it over so many times. It is so inspiring in a way. But while it is true, do you believe that in all occasion patience and tolerance is always the winning gun? The question of, Does every golden rule applies in every situation of life? I dare say, “Not in all.”
I have been finding ways to practice patience or serenity. And so it will take my self more practice to achieve it largely. This will hold true to others as well, big time or average being.
Patience is practice and needed when we deal with people. It is necessary when we talk to someone who is lesser of knowledge, which is simple understanding.
Patience is a must have when we feel that nothing can be achieved if we will just try to outwit each other’s guts or intelligence, which is simple generosity in giving credit to whom it is due. This is what outwitting politicians need.
Patience is required to a leader. No ounce of achievement can be boasted to others if you cannot even exude an excellent amount of patience to anyone. Patience is one type of honor that will not die with time.
Patience is a practice that all individuals must realize, like me. It is not necessary if we have stumbled down. It is vital though that we learned to actualize tolerance, patience, or serenity in each of our steps.
I am not preaching this thing out loud if I have not learned this thing the hard way in my experience. I am not perfect. But experience is the best teacher so I would like to share it all with you.
Life is a continuous journey. It will take a lot of patience not just for you but also to him, to her, to me, to my friends, to my love ones, to my enemies to attain each of our goals. Some of us have been patient and tolerant to have won and achieve while others have taken steps to actualize it and have slightly gain honor from it. On the contrary, there are others that learned it the hard way. By learning it, they have to go down and must take the longer course or lesson.
This is not just a little lesson in patience and tolerance. This is an essential itinerary in life. We must remember it.
A little lesson in patience, my friend...and tolerance. If you feel your boss embodies a sickening duality, then that HIS problem. No act of pretense can last forever, you know. What is important is that you focus on what you truly want and channel your energies to the fulfillment of your ambitions…lofty or otherwise. We cannot simply surround ourselves with ONLY PEOPLE we choose to like. That is not the way of the world.”
Those beautiful words are not always slammed into your very face each day of your life right? But for me it was one of the many inspiring advices I’ve heard regarding patience.
For a while now, I’ve worked with an individual whom I discovered to be just like any others. Yet he claims he’s perfect and Godly. What a sin to heaven?!
I am in no liberty to discuss his name. He’s a big influential person. He has connections to the high official of this land. His personality to them was good, extraordinary and excellent. But of course, that’s how they knew him in social gatherings, events and functions.
I got the chance to work with him. In that span of time, I learned his other nature to be impatient, inconsiderate, overly perfectionists and will shout at you if you commit even a slight mistake. This guy is sick I thought to myself. I got so disappointed because that was really different from how I first knew him. After weeks of being with him, he started to act strangely and I know something is wrong. I never imagined that his strange character will be cast upon me.
I adored him for a time yet it all changed at one snap. I tried to reason it to myself maybe he’s just pressured. So I continued with my work and duties, setting aside the emotional turmoil that I was already feeling that time. He has not change from the time he has shown me his other side. At first, I did not want to be affected with his attitude. I tried to be more objective about it to the point I felt am justifying his inconsistent behavior, sacrificing my own beliefs on fair and equality among beings.
I grew quite tired as days went by and my stress hormone was in saturation all over my body. So I knew I have to go. I tried to talk with him, but I did not get a very positive response. He did not want me to go, because according to him we have a verbal agreement and that my word of honor is at stake.
I told him that is why I want to talk with him so we can meet in the middle? Isn’t that right? But he did not allow it.
I then have to formalize my goodbye by giving him a letter which when I handed he readily set aside and pretend nothing happened. Yet I know when I left him, he has read it. Why? It is because during that day that I gave him the letter, he has directly tried to accuse me of work inconsistencies which did not happen in my first few days with him. I knew he was trying to make me angry or speak back at him which I did not. I wrote again a letter explaining my side and already stating my last will about my works with him. That was it, the last word I said to him was “God bless.”
Later on, I learned that prior to me he had employed other staffs that did not stay long like me. So I guess there must something wrong with him. He is not even in good terms with his relatives as I know.
Behind all his honors that will fade with time, is a man not perfect. It is very disappointing to note that such grandstanding image emanates a blur aura of emotional hurts or setbacks. That is being inflicted on innocent people surrounding him.
A little patience and tolerance like my friend Mr. JR told me. And I’d say compassion as well. On that note, I was thinking if I have learned patience and tolerance or did I lose it and have succumbed. What about my self-respect, confidence that is slowly bursting away because of the harsh spoken words thrown just to disgrace me, the million “other Filipinos” he is pertaining to, the type of school where I came from?
I learned that patience and tolerance is earned and incurred in that experience of mine. Although I have spoken back at him at times, I know I was just stating a fact. A man is tamed only if he allows it to happen.
What most big time people do not realize is that God molded us in different patterns. They cannot change the world but we change can start with themselves in time. God did not dictate to His people to change overtime which powerful people on this planet acting like God wants to do to the average being. While it is true that many people choose to live a low life, it is not a good barometer of their totality that they are lesser, unfortunate or animal likes. This is also true to those people that live and have achieved high but are not exactly the type of high class individual they try to convey with others around them. It will take a great amount of understanding to love each others individuality. I have read before in a book of highly effective living that each must try to understand each other that is, exert tolerance so to speak. It will help in your excursion on this Earth.
Patience is a virtue. I have heard it over so many times. It is so inspiring in a way. But while it is true, do you believe that in all occasion patience and tolerance is always the winning gun? The question of, Does every golden rule applies in every situation of life? I dare say, “Not in all.”
I have been finding ways to practice patience or serenity. And so it will take my self more practice to achieve it largely. This will hold true to others as well, big time or average being.
Patience is practice and needed when we deal with people. It is necessary when we talk to someone who is lesser of knowledge, which is simple understanding.
Patience is a must have when we feel that nothing can be achieved if we will just try to outwit each other’s guts or intelligence, which is simple generosity in giving credit to whom it is due. This is what outwitting politicians need.
Patience is required to a leader. No ounce of achievement can be boasted to others if you cannot even exude an excellent amount of patience to anyone. Patience is one type of honor that will not die with time.
Patience is a practice that all individuals must realize, like me. It is not necessary if we have stumbled down. It is vital though that we learned to actualize tolerance, patience, or serenity in each of our steps.
I am not preaching this thing out loud if I have not learned this thing the hard way in my experience. I am not perfect. But experience is the best teacher so I would like to share it all with you.
Life is a continuous journey. It will take a lot of patience not just for you but also to him, to her, to me, to my friends, to my love ones, to my enemies to attain each of our goals. Some of us have been patient and tolerant to have won and achieve while others have taken steps to actualize it and have slightly gain honor from it. On the contrary, there are others that learned it the hard way. By learning it, they have to go down and must take the longer course or lesson.
This is not just a little lesson in patience and tolerance. This is an essential itinerary in life. We must remember it.
The German Boss
This is the part 2 of the blog series: The 3 Bosses and the Boss' Son
….and so the story continues.
Time went by and the company of the German boss moved on. Rules were made and implemented, his people quite ok with the trend and happy with their lives. Yet, things are not always positive. The German boss has always been known to have his favorites. Although he will not admit it, he has shown a different treatment among his members. Murmur lingered on that he was in favor of MJ, one of his most capable and bright employee. There was no question that MJ is good at work that is why he earned the adulation of the German boss. Yet, MJ grew to be quite over confident which made his co-workers a bit unease about it.
There came a point when MJ, being the good worker that he is had gone overboard. The rules being implemented by the German boss got spoiled. It happened because it turned out that the rules in place are not necessarily being implemented for all but only to few. The German boss allowed MJ to break some rules without him getting punish. That prove to be unfair to everyone yet the German boss was not troubled. His staff cannot do anything, they are afraid and they have not been so vocal about their comments anymore since the time that rules were sorted out. Although in the rule, there was a statement saying they can voice out their feelings or grievances. And although there was an assurance it will be given due process, the workers did not bother to comment that much. They have become a bit passive.
It is very understandable why workers at work have become so passive about their grievances towards the rule, the company boss and its essential elements. There is lot of things to consider like their job, high salary, benefits etc. That is quite a package indeed.
Before all this, the German boss had a considerable match in the name of David. Like David and Goliath they are the pair that moved the office into controversy. David is one of the loud voice in their office. It happened years ago when David was still employed in that office. At first, like any young individual David was filled with good hopes and expectation. His first months have been very fruitful and quite innovative. But David, as intelligent, good and quick-wit as he is, was also the voice, the straight-frank lad that foiled him into bad light.
It first happened when the German boss came to him privately that he is talking too much and suggesting too much. What did David think during that time? Well, he was surprised to hear that from the German boss. Although it seems to be a very cordial conversation, from that point on he got a warning. He had to seal his lips a bit and prove to his boss that he’s not just the activist that he is but the work performer. For David, that was a turning point. He felt he’s being eyed and all his acts are monitored. He did not say much to his friends in the office although they knew about the conversation that David and the German boss had.
Time went by that David and the German boss would get into occasional heated discussion that boiled harder and harder. Issues like office rules and some administrative concerns were raised and thrown. David did not bow that much and had to continue questioning the integrity of the rules. Of course, the German boss was pissed off. Yet he did not attack straight-forward. He had his own way by giving David a bad marked on his performance and in addition to this are some words during their one on one evaluation meeting. David is not that easy to be styled or persuaded, he has to defend himself why he should not be getting that grade. Although as it looked like a very democratic conversation, the moment that David made his comments on, he knew that again he is marked. Nevertheless, David did not stop. For him, it was a chance and if he’s not going to discuss the issue then it will be over.
Such encounters between David and Goliath (the German boss) were milestone. But it ended quite not satisfying.
The company that the German boss manages had a trouble maintaining everyone on board so to speak. So they opted to retrenched seven people in the company. The reason for the down-sizing was money. But the reason for how the 7 people were chosen was not discussed. The German boss said the choice was made through evaluation. It was kind of hard to believe. Everyone was shocked with the event and had been clipped with their wings. Some commented and had to contend themselves with murmurs. Others voiced out their thoughts and had to feel very down. The German boss looked like a good dog. It is not clear how he really feels about cutting the size of his staff. Yet, what made that event controversial was the choice of people he had to draw. Most of the people in that roster were loud-voice at some points. It’s like cutting and trimming all the thorns in the branch so that things will be smoother for him. It’s also unbelievable ‘coz it seemed that his favoritism showed up by simply letting go of the others that are far better than those left behind.
Now, each has their own lives. The seven lucky individual have gone to many places in their walk of lives. The people that were left behind are now all big time earners but still full of reserved feelings. They have grown passive and have not really stepped up to speak much. Take note though, they are richer now. Money for silence? Maybe it does not apply to everyone.
The German boss is still the same old person. By old person meaning, exuding dual nature that is good and bad. He continues to play the role of the puppet master in that office. Making his people believe he’s all fair and good.
It can be said that some of his subordinates are in favor of his acts, deeds and craziness. Why not! They enjoy his favor. It’s like leeches on the back of the buffalo.
On the other hand, some did remain in the middle while slowly building their dreams and earning, having the benefits that is due to them. Passive-wise individuals!
Others remained with their sharpened claws and continue with the legacy of the original activist. Who knows what is going to happen next?
The German boss has remained strong. Admittedly, he has the character of a real boss. Although he is not that admirable, he has shown strength and will to govern. He cannot simply please all of his subordinates yet he remained strong to the point of sacrificing the perfect adoration of everyone that knew him. On the contrary, with his character he has already sculptured his path to dissection of people that knew him in and out of his work and curricular activities.
The German boss’ character, ways and deeds is just one of the many faces in the history of the corporate tycoon there exists. And the character of his subordinates is simply one of the many types there exists in the working class. Which one are you? Or you’re not anyone of them? Maybe you’ll be in the next story.
THE END
COMING SOON…The Brat Boss
….and so the story continues.
Time went by and the company of the German boss moved on. Rules were made and implemented, his people quite ok with the trend and happy with their lives. Yet, things are not always positive. The German boss has always been known to have his favorites. Although he will not admit it, he has shown a different treatment among his members. Murmur lingered on that he was in favor of MJ, one of his most capable and bright employee. There was no question that MJ is good at work that is why he earned the adulation of the German boss. Yet, MJ grew to be quite over confident which made his co-workers a bit unease about it.
There came a point when MJ, being the good worker that he is had gone overboard. The rules being implemented by the German boss got spoiled. It happened because it turned out that the rules in place are not necessarily being implemented for all but only to few. The German boss allowed MJ to break some rules without him getting punish. That prove to be unfair to everyone yet the German boss was not troubled. His staff cannot do anything, they are afraid and they have not been so vocal about their comments anymore since the time that rules were sorted out. Although in the rule, there was a statement saying they can voice out their feelings or grievances. And although there was an assurance it will be given due process, the workers did not bother to comment that much. They have become a bit passive.
It is very understandable why workers at work have become so passive about their grievances towards the rule, the company boss and its essential elements. There is lot of things to consider like their job, high salary, benefits etc. That is quite a package indeed.
Before all this, the German boss had a considerable match in the name of David. Like David and Goliath they are the pair that moved the office into controversy. David is one of the loud voice in their office. It happened years ago when David was still employed in that office. At first, like any young individual David was filled with good hopes and expectation. His first months have been very fruitful and quite innovative. But David, as intelligent, good and quick-wit as he is, was also the voice, the straight-frank lad that foiled him into bad light.
It first happened when the German boss came to him privately that he is talking too much and suggesting too much. What did David think during that time? Well, he was surprised to hear that from the German boss. Although it seems to be a very cordial conversation, from that point on he got a warning. He had to seal his lips a bit and prove to his boss that he’s not just the activist that he is but the work performer. For David, that was a turning point. He felt he’s being eyed and all his acts are monitored. He did not say much to his friends in the office although they knew about the conversation that David and the German boss had.
Time went by that David and the German boss would get into occasional heated discussion that boiled harder and harder. Issues like office rules and some administrative concerns were raised and thrown. David did not bow that much and had to continue questioning the integrity of the rules. Of course, the German boss was pissed off. Yet he did not attack straight-forward. He had his own way by giving David a bad marked on his performance and in addition to this are some words during their one on one evaluation meeting. David is not that easy to be styled or persuaded, he has to defend himself why he should not be getting that grade. Although as it looked like a very democratic conversation, the moment that David made his comments on, he knew that again he is marked. Nevertheless, David did not stop. For him, it was a chance and if he’s not going to discuss the issue then it will be over.
Such encounters between David and Goliath (the German boss) were milestone. But it ended quite not satisfying.
The company that the German boss manages had a trouble maintaining everyone on board so to speak. So they opted to retrenched seven people in the company. The reason for the down-sizing was money. But the reason for how the 7 people were chosen was not discussed. The German boss said the choice was made through evaluation. It was kind of hard to believe. Everyone was shocked with the event and had been clipped with their wings. Some commented and had to contend themselves with murmurs. Others voiced out their thoughts and had to feel very down. The German boss looked like a good dog. It is not clear how he really feels about cutting the size of his staff. Yet, what made that event controversial was the choice of people he had to draw. Most of the people in that roster were loud-voice at some points. It’s like cutting and trimming all the thorns in the branch so that things will be smoother for him. It’s also unbelievable ‘coz it seemed that his favoritism showed up by simply letting go of the others that are far better than those left behind.
Now, each has their own lives. The seven lucky individual have gone to many places in their walk of lives. The people that were left behind are now all big time earners but still full of reserved feelings. They have grown passive and have not really stepped up to speak much. Take note though, they are richer now. Money for silence? Maybe it does not apply to everyone.
The German boss is still the same old person. By old person meaning, exuding dual nature that is good and bad. He continues to play the role of the puppet master in that office. Making his people believe he’s all fair and good.
It can be said that some of his subordinates are in favor of his acts, deeds and craziness. Why not! They enjoy his favor. It’s like leeches on the back of the buffalo.
On the other hand, some did remain in the middle while slowly building their dreams and earning, having the benefits that is due to them. Passive-wise individuals!
Others remained with their sharpened claws and continue with the legacy of the original activist. Who knows what is going to happen next?
The German boss has remained strong. Admittedly, he has the character of a real boss. Although he is not that admirable, he has shown strength and will to govern. He cannot simply please all of his subordinates yet he remained strong to the point of sacrificing the perfect adoration of everyone that knew him. On the contrary, with his character he has already sculptured his path to dissection of people that knew him in and out of his work and curricular activities.
The German boss’ character, ways and deeds is just one of the many faces in the history of the corporate tycoon there exists. And the character of his subordinates is simply one of the many types there exists in the working class. Which one are you? Or you’re not anyone of them? Maybe you’ll be in the next story.
THE END
COMING SOON…The Brat Boss
Thursday, February 12, 2004
A Valentine Offering
Be my valentine just for a while
Be my someone special just for a time
I love you and I need you
You are the one for me, don't you know?
It started as an admiration
Now its an infectious emotion
Am so down without you
My life is in shamble right now
You are the sweet pill I need to swallow...
It is such a shame for me
'Coz I know you don't really want me
But what can I do, I do like you
No matter what and no matter how
I am the one for you and no one else
Forgive me 'coz am coward to say this
But I know somehow you know
That I have this special thing for you
All I ask of you, give me chance
Or I'll lose my heart in a glance
Be my someone special just for a time
I love you and I need you
You are the one for me, don't you know?
It started as an admiration
Now its an infectious emotion
Am so down without you
My life is in shamble right now
You are the sweet pill I need to swallow...
It is such a shame for me
'Coz I know you don't really want me
But what can I do, I do like you
No matter what and no matter how
I am the one for you and no one else
Forgive me 'coz am coward to say this
But I know somehow you know
That I have this special thing for you
All I ask of you, give me chance
Or I'll lose my heart in a glance
Thursday, February 05, 2004
The 3 bosses and the boss' son
It's always a horrifying experience when times at work doesn't alway feel good. Why? We can probably attribute it with the bosses we encounter each day of our lives.
In my three years of work experience I've come across with only one type of boss. All of them are kind of superior and blatantly disrespectful at times to their subordinates. These bosses tend to break the rule of equality so to speak. PErhaps because of what we can call "boss syndrome" the power that they have harnessed in their mind, body and spirit is so uncontainable to them. With that, they cannot even step back or moved down to a level of understanding that can benefit or create a win-win solution between parties involved.
Let me share with you the story of the 3 bosses and the boss' son. Since this is going to be a very long story I will be serializing it so it won't be that hard to read.
THE GERMAN BOSS
At one look , he's good looking. At one touch he's warm and exciting. Yet at one mistake, he's a german shepherd. That's the german boss.
It was a very tough experience for people who have worked with him. He seems to exude compassion but tyranny lies in its basic reality. He's a superior officer, manager of a start up medium enterprise. Usually, if you are a company with small population, interaction and communication is best practiced. Employees are encourage to participate in rule making and are ask or consulted on various grounds that will affect the company as a whole. Well, the german boss is so warm and encouraging about this. Yet things do get turned into a bitter and cold level when the things that are being discussed are way too hard to accept in the mind of this german boss. The "boss syndrome" is jerking around his physicality and mentality. I thought it's a democratic company but when the employees started stating their suggestion based on what the labor code says, the german boss doesn't accept much what the law states. That was avery big problem...
(to be continued)
In my three years of work experience I've come across with only one type of boss. All of them are kind of superior and blatantly disrespectful at times to their subordinates. These bosses tend to break the rule of equality so to speak. PErhaps because of what we can call "boss syndrome" the power that they have harnessed in their mind, body and spirit is so uncontainable to them. With that, they cannot even step back or moved down to a level of understanding that can benefit or create a win-win solution between parties involved.
Let me share with you the story of the 3 bosses and the boss' son. Since this is going to be a very long story I will be serializing it so it won't be that hard to read.
THE GERMAN BOSS
At one look , he's good looking. At one touch he's warm and exciting. Yet at one mistake, he's a german shepherd. That's the german boss.
It was a very tough experience for people who have worked with him. He seems to exude compassion but tyranny lies in its basic reality. He's a superior officer, manager of a start up medium enterprise. Usually, if you are a company with small population, interaction and communication is best practiced. Employees are encourage to participate in rule making and are ask or consulted on various grounds that will affect the company as a whole. Well, the german boss is so warm and encouraging about this. Yet things do get turned into a bitter and cold level when the things that are being discussed are way too hard to accept in the mind of this german boss. The "boss syndrome" is jerking around his physicality and mentality. I thought it's a democratic company but when the employees started stating their suggestion based on what the labor code says, the german boss doesn't accept much what the law states. That was avery big problem...
(to be continued)
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Today and Yesterday then Tomorrow
Today is the day and can be considered the start of something that we are yet to see unless it happens. Yesterday is a memory, good or bad.
Yesterday I had to struggle again from my thought of not doing anything except to stay bum. And so it was yesterday that I had to go to my work training and commit a lot of set backs that expanded up to this present day. I don't know why and what has happened. It seems to me that the planets, moon and stars are not in the mood to motivate my jolly, inspired and energetic vibe.
Today as I've said, my feelings from yesterday had extended. Why do I have to undergo an "off" mind in two consecutive days? I don't want this feeling 'cause it affects my performance. I mean , at this point I don't have anything to think about. I am in hibernation from much work, so it is less corrupting. But yesterday and today, I had to struggle from an unknown feeling that even I cannot understand.
This feeling did affect my work training and it's not a very good sign. Although now, at the time I am writing this article, I am on my way home. I just drop by the net station to express this unresolve thought.
Life is mysterious as it has always been. Yesterday and today is just like any ordinary day but I did not feel good, light and joyous at all. Another mood swing that foiled me into a sudden drop of feeling that I have hope to uplift. Hay!
Oh well, it's not a very big deal. If I would be thinking much about it then it is. I guess I have to let it out and take a deep breath. In a matter of time, the evening sky will reflect darkness and I can't afford to let this unwanted feeling extend again to another day, that is tomorrow.
Yesterday I had to struggle again from my thought of not doing anything except to stay bum. And so it was yesterday that I had to go to my work training and commit a lot of set backs that expanded up to this present day. I don't know why and what has happened. It seems to me that the planets, moon and stars are not in the mood to motivate my jolly, inspired and energetic vibe.
Today as I've said, my feelings from yesterday had extended. Why do I have to undergo an "off" mind in two consecutive days? I don't want this feeling 'cause it affects my performance. I mean , at this point I don't have anything to think about. I am in hibernation from much work, so it is less corrupting. But yesterday and today, I had to struggle from an unknown feeling that even I cannot understand.
This feeling did affect my work training and it's not a very good sign. Although now, at the time I am writing this article, I am on my way home. I just drop by the net station to express this unresolve thought.
Life is mysterious as it has always been. Yesterday and today is just like any ordinary day but I did not feel good, light and joyous at all. Another mood swing that foiled me into a sudden drop of feeling that I have hope to uplift. Hay!
Oh well, it's not a very big deal. If I would be thinking much about it then it is. I guess I have to let it out and take a deep breath. In a matter of time, the evening sky will reflect darkness and I can't afford to let this unwanted feeling extend again to another day, that is tomorrow.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
It was a fruitful Saturday. I started a bit slow on this day. But it's a gym day for me. Nevertheless I managed to conquer and seize the schedule on time.
I was once again victorious with this gym thing of mine. Eversince I started this session I would admit I did not have the regular time for it due to work, due to laziness sometimes, due to some unforeseen circumstances that hindered me to focus on this one. And then when my gym mates had to stop their membership I was left behind and I had to say to myself even with out them I should continue on this one. And so I did continue....
Right now, am back on track. I do hope to keep this gym workout a habit. Number 1, the membership fee is not cheap for me to waste it without attending the sessions. That is the number 1 motivation!!! hehehe Secondly, I do want to keep myself physically fit and it also help me get rid of my emotional stress. Lastly, I would say it's one of the best personal project of mine that I was able to joggle given the time, the circumstances that went through my life lately.
Exercise is indeed a very good therapy for the body, mind and spirit. And then if you can couple it with meditation, prayer and positivity it's going to give you the maximum benefit. I have to work on my prayers now. :-) Good day! And grace to all!
I was once again victorious with this gym thing of mine. Eversince I started this session I would admit I did not have the regular time for it due to work, due to laziness sometimes, due to some unforeseen circumstances that hindered me to focus on this one. And then when my gym mates had to stop their membership I was left behind and I had to say to myself even with out them I should continue on this one. And so I did continue....
Right now, am back on track. I do hope to keep this gym workout a habit. Number 1, the membership fee is not cheap for me to waste it without attending the sessions. That is the number 1 motivation!!! hehehe Secondly, I do want to keep myself physically fit and it also help me get rid of my emotional stress. Lastly, I would say it's one of the best personal project of mine that I was able to joggle given the time, the circumstances that went through my life lately.
Exercise is indeed a very good therapy for the body, mind and spirit. And then if you can couple it with meditation, prayer and positivity it's going to give you the maximum benefit. I have to work on my prayers now. :-) Good day! And grace to all!
Friday, January 30, 2004
This is my initial offering.
The world is changing everyday. Indeed life has changed for me.
Few months ago I was contemplating on what I must do. Am a wounded person, emotionally and spiritually I am. I cannot deny it. The fact of the matter is, I am so in the field of wounded arena.
Just a week ago, my new journey in life has started. I have always been passionate about writing and spilling my thoughts on everything in this world has been something I have always been doing on the sidelight.
I am here now. A new person has given me the chance to take center stage or maybe just on the side. But it's all worth it just to be given the chance and experience in a new field.
I would like to think, coming over to this new sideline is the beginning of my healing. A start of a new person in me. The realization of something and a new taste in my life. I believe my moment has come to surface and be able to take on new challenges where I feel I am more needed and appreciated.
I have no regrets coming from where I have been. Actually, it's not for me to say that I'm leaving my first love, first experience. I am simply adding more to this sour, sweet and bitter side of my life. I invite you to come join me and let's travel my path.
The world is changing everyday. Indeed life has changed for me.
Few months ago I was contemplating on what I must do. Am a wounded person, emotionally and spiritually I am. I cannot deny it. The fact of the matter is, I am so in the field of wounded arena.
Just a week ago, my new journey in life has started. I have always been passionate about writing and spilling my thoughts on everything in this world has been something I have always been doing on the sidelight.
I am here now. A new person has given me the chance to take center stage or maybe just on the side. But it's all worth it just to be given the chance and experience in a new field.
I would like to think, coming over to this new sideline is the beginning of my healing. A start of a new person in me. The realization of something and a new taste in my life. I believe my moment has come to surface and be able to take on new challenges where I feel I am more needed and appreciated.
I have no regrets coming from where I have been. Actually, it's not for me to say that I'm leaving my first love, first experience. I am simply adding more to this sour, sweet and bitter side of my life. I invite you to come join me and let's travel my path.
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